I have a very good friend (a relative actually, but we've always been more like friends) who is dying. I've known him my entire life. He's had cancer for several years, so as much as I had hoped he would be able to beat it, I guess I've also known for years that it was going to happen. I saw him yesterday for probably the last time. Death is always hard, but do you think it is harder when someone you love dies suddenly or when you know ahead of time that it is going to happen. I'm just curious because I'm having a hard time dealing with the idea that I've just said good-bye to him for probably the last time.
2007-09-02 05:41:12 · 5 answers · asked by JVar 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I guess what has made this situation even harder is that he was wrongly imprisoned for over 9 years and I was instrumental in finally getting him released just a couple of months ago. Now, he lives about 5 hours away and I've only been able to get there just this one time since he's been out. Now he can't even talk on the phone. Thanks so much for all of your concern.
2007-09-04 08:21:28 · update #1
I am sorry to hear about your friend. Since the beginning of the year I have lost 4 family members. It's been a difficult year. When someone is sick and you know they will die you can at least spend time with them and say your goodbyes but the part where you see them lose weight and be in pain is intolerable. At the end you pray God they take them away soon cause their suffering is pointless and inhuman. When your love one dies by accident of course it's chocking but you have the peace of mind that they have not suffered. You remember them smiling, happy and full of energy.
Both ways...it will always feel unfair they leave us so early.
2007-09-02 05:55:57 · answer #1 · answered by Jane Marple 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There both hard. And I'm sorry about your friend. Its hard when someone you love dies.
When someone dies suddenly, then you remember them as the same person they have always been, but may not get the chance to tell them good bye to them but at least they didn't suffer for a long time.
But when someone die over time it is worse because you watch them become someone you don't know. Especially if you are there with them day after day, watching them slowly die. My mother died from cancer, 6 months after we found she had it. She had to have someone with her at all times for 6 months. And when she died she didn't look like my mother. She had lost 40+ lbs but because of steroids her face was swollen. She lost all her hair from radiation treatments. And because the cancer spread to her brain, she needed help to walk, had seizers, had problems seeing, had no short term memory, and no reasoning or cognitive skills. We had to help her take showers, pretty much help her do everything.
We've had 8 people die in less then 2 years, 6 were my family, one was my husbands cousin who died from cancer but never told anyone he was sick he just died in his sleep one night and the other one was my husbands friend who was shot in a bar fight.
It was easier for the ones who were here one day and gone the next.
2007-09-02 13:12:57 · answer #2 · answered by cris 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I grew up with a handicapped brother. He was 14 yrs older than me and he was shot in the head when he was 16. I grew up knowing my brother could leave us at any time. When he dide, when I was 15, I still took it very hard. As you are, my brother was also my friend and my shoulder to lean on when i was having tough times. I don't think knowing about it had any effect on how bad it hurt, because one way or the other, you are going to miss this person once they are gone.
2007-09-02 13:23:47 · answer #3 · answered by Chu 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It hurts, but not as much as someone that dies suddenly.
When you watch someone suffer for so long with cancer and die so slowly, you just find yourself wishing it would just be over and their suffering would end. You get to say your goodbyes and offer comfort as much as you can.
When someone dies suddenly, you don't get the chance to do any of that.
They are all of a sudden just gone, and all the things you wanted to say to them, or feelings you wanted to convey, you can't.
I have been where you are, and all I can say is, even though it is painful, be thankful for the fact you got to say to him all the things you wanted to and tell him you loved him before he was gone. When he goes, his suffering will be over.
Good luck.
2007-09-02 14:00:26 · answer #4 · answered by Mr R 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Jane just about said it. It is very hard to loose people you love. I hate the suffering. Fast is the way to go. God Bless
2007-09-02 13:02:45 · answer #5 · answered by Wild Bill 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋