My ex just called out of the blue and left a message saying he will be in my town for a week and wants to get together for dinner sometime.
I am horrified. Even though we split amicably 3 years ago, we haven't talked for over a year, I've moved on. I have no interest in him or what he's been doing.
I've been trying to decide:
1. Ignore the message, and hope he takes the hint and doesn't just show up at my house
2. Leave him a message and tell him I'm not interested. This might cause him to get drunk and show up anyway and cause trouble.
3. Or just go and meet him for dinner.
What would you do?
2007-09-02 05:07:17 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you dont want to go then why should you? I would give him a call and tell him it was really nice of him to think of you but with your history its not a good idea and its important that both of you move on, meeting up would only reverse the healing process.
If he then gets upset tell him this was exactly what you were trying to prevent as he obviously still has feelings for you.
Then if he still doesn't get the message be brutally honest, you dont need to be cruel, but tell him you dont care for him anymore and you are actually really happy without him in your life and in love with someone else...if he still doesn't get it...hang up and definitely no more contact, its not healthy for either of you.
Good luck i know its difficult, Ive been in your shoes xx
2007-09-02 05:19:06 · answer #1 · answered by Holly2007 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you have no interest in him then why are you even writing about this? You know what to do if you are serious about not being interested. Ignore the message and if he shows up drunk then call the police. Why would you even consider talking to him or meeting him in person? You divorced and say you are not interested in him. Meeting him and or talking to him by even leaving a message gives him the satisfaction he wants of starting a new relationship with you. He needs to find another girl and move on as you moved on.....(smile)
2007-09-02 05:21:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
No. 1
2007-09-02 05:13:54 · answer #3 · answered by Lucci 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would depend on how you feel. If you have no feelings for him than it shouldn't matter what you do because it wouldn't make any difference to you. If you have children together it wouldn't hurt to go to dinner with him. Maybe it would give you two a chance to talk things over. Even if you don't have kids. It wouldn't hurt. If you think that you should just go. You know if you have feelings for him or not. Just be honest with him and make this a last chance to clear a few things up. Then maybe he will see that you just are not interested but care enough to finally put things behind the both of you or more so for him to maybe shed some light that the fact that he just needs to move on.
2007-09-02 05:18:55 · answer #4 · answered by Tessie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well according to #2 he's a drunk and you don't want problems. I take it he also knows where you live. So, if you did either of #1 or #2 you risk him showing up. I would tell him I am in a relationship-that is if he wouldnt know if I was lying. I wouldnt go out with him if I was interested anymore because that would just send the wrong signals. Good Luck
2007-09-02 05:42:28 · answer #5 · answered by missymae 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When I got divorced several years ago I had a similar problem. But I had a little girl & he refused to pay child support or even see her for almost 3 years, since that time I had a new boyfriend and had moved on. He called me one day out of the blue and said he wanted to see me. I told him point blank I had moved on with my life and had met someone new. You know he probably did get drunk but that was not my problem anymore and he did not come and bother me. My advice is tell him like it is and he comes over drunk to your house and harrasses you do not open the door and if he threatens to break down the door call the cops!
2007-09-02 05:22:40 · answer #6 · answered by Dawn 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him that you are busy and that you will not be able to meet him for dinner. If you get free from your previous obligations that you will call him to reschedule. If he doesn't hear from you to assume that you were not able to free yourself up.
Let it go at that and do not answer any calls from him. If you have to screen your calls to make sure that he doesn't get through then let your closest people know that they will just have to talk to the voicemail for the week but you will call them back.
This way he doesn't feel ignored and thinks that you are going to try to see him, you actually aren't. He may show up at your house anyway but if you park your car a couple of houses down or in the garage and keep the lights off like you are not home then he should just go away.
2007-09-02 05:16:06 · answer #7 · answered by firemouse23 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would call him and try to talk to him, leave him a message if you can't. Explain that you will not be available to meet him and that you wish him all the best. If he doesn't accept this then you need to explain to him that while you wish the best for him and have no ill will towards him, you have moved on and he doesn't fit in your life anymore. Tell him that you just don't think it is doing either of you any good to continue to see each other even on a platonic basis and that you hope he will respect your feelings and understand.
2007-09-02 05:48:16 · answer #8 · answered by Starshine 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's fishing for a sign that you have regrets and want to backtrack. Call him back and tell him that you have plans with that hunky younger boyfriend (who might or might not really exist) and during the conversation establish that you've moved on to other interests and he's in the "firmly in the past" file. That will tell him what he wants to know without giving him the opening to keep pursuing you. Don't go to the meeting, he wants to charm you into some fun (for him) afterward. Since he knows how to get to your house I wouldn't provoke him with ignoring or misdirecting him either ... which would give him an excuse to keep calling and playing the wronged lover. Be honest with him, he's history. Tell him to act like a man and move on because it's over. Good luck to you.
2007-09-02 05:13:51 · answer #9 · answered by David W 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hi Cabo,,It sounds like trouble is all and the only thing that you can do is tell him that you've been dating a state police officer for a while now and he gets very jelious of you.hehehe,Good Luck with the drunk and congrads that you have moved on and didn't stay with the abuser,,Bob.
2007-09-02 05:12:33 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋