I was bullied years ago and I can't let go of the anger I feel because of it. How can I let go?

Answer 1

Bullying is a big problem. It can make kids feel hurt, scared, sick, lonely, embarrassed and sad. Bullies might hit, kick, or push to hurt people, or use words to call names, threaten, tease, or scare them. A bully might say mean things about someone, grab a kid's stuff, make fun of someone, or leave a kid out of the group on purpose. Some bullies threaten people or try to make them do things they don't want to do.

Bullying Is a Big Deal
Bullying is a big problem that affects lots of kids. Three-quarters of all kids say they have been bullied or teased. Being bullied can make kids feel really bad. The stress of dealing with bullies can make kids feel sick.

Bullying can make kids not want to play outside or go to school. It's hard to keep your mind on schoolwork when you're worried about how you're going to deal with the bully near your locker. Bullying bothers everyone — and not just the kids who are getting picked on. Bullying can make school a place of fear and can lead to more violence and more stress for everyone.

Why Do Bullies Act That Way?
Some bullies are looking for attention. They might think bullying is a way to be popular or to get what they want. Most bullies are trying to make themselves feel more important. When they pick on someone else, it can make them feel big and powerful.

Some bullies come from families where everyone is angry and shouting all the time. They may think that being angry, calling names, and pushing people around is a normal way to act. Some bullies are copying what they've seen someone else do. Some have been bullied themselves.

Sometimes bullies know that what they are doing or saying hurts other people. But other bullies may not really know how hurtful their actions can be. Most bullies don't understand or care about the feelings of others.

Bullies often pick on someone they think they can have power over. They might pick on kids who get upset easily or who have trouble sticking up for themselves. Getting a big reaction out of someone can make bullies feel like they have the power they want. Sometimes bullies pick on someone who is smarter than they are or different from them in some way. Sometimes bullies just pick on a kid for no reason at all.

Gemma told her mom that this one kid was picking on her for having red hair and freckles. She wanted to be like the other kids but she couldn’t change those things about herself. Finally Gemma made friends at her local swimming pool with a girl who wished she had red hair like Gemma's. The two girls became great friends and she learned to ignore the mean girl's taunts at school.

Bullying: How to Handle It
So now you know that bullying is a big problem that affects a lot of kids, but what do you do if someone is bullying you? Our advice falls into two categories: preventing a run-in with the bully, and what to do if you end up face-to-face with the bully.

Preventing a run-in with a bully:

Don't give the bully a chance. As much as you can, avoid the bully. You can't go into hiding or skip class, of course. But if you can take a different route and avoid him or her, do so.

Stand tall and be brave. When you're scared of another person, you're probably not feeling your bravest. But sometimes just acting brave is enough to stop a bully. How does a brave person look and act? Stand tall and you'll send the message: "Don't mess with me." It's easier to feel brave when you feel good about yourself. See the next tip!

Feel good about you. Nobody's perfect, but what can you do to look and feel your best? Maybe you'd like to be more fit. If so, maybe you'll decide to get more exercise, watch less TV, and eat healthier snacks. Or maybe you feel you look best when you shower in the morning before school. If so, you could decide to get up a little earlier so you can be clean and refreshed for the school day.

Get a buddy (and be a buddy). Two is better than one if you're trying to avoid being bullied. Make a plan to walk with a friend or two on the way to school or recess or lunch or wherever you think you might meet the bully. Offer to do the same if a friend is having bully trouble. Get involved if you see bullying going on in your school — tell an adult, stick up for the kid being bullied, and tell the bully to stop.

If the bully says or does something to you:

Ignore the bully. If you can, try your best to ignore the bully's threats. Pretend you don't hear them and walk away quickly to a place of safety. Bullies want a big reaction to their teasing and meanness. Acting as if you don't notice and don't care is like giving no reaction at all, and this just might stop a bully's behavior.

Stand up for yourself. Pretend to feel really brave and confident. Tell the bully "No! Stop it!" in a loud voice. Then walk away, or run if you have to. Kids also can stand up for each other by telling a bully to stop teasing or scaring someone else, and then walk away together. If a bully wants you to do something that you don't want to do — say "no!" and walk away. If you do what a bully says to do, they will likely keep bullying you. Bullies tend to bully kids who don't stick up for themselves.

Don't bully back. Don't hit, kick, or push back to deal with someone bullying you or your friends. Fighting back just satisfies a bully and it's dangerous, too, because someone could get hurt. You're also likely to get in trouble. It's best to stay with others, stay safe, and get help from an adult.

Don't show your feelings. Plan ahead. How can you stop yourself from getting angry or showing you're upset? Try distracting yourself (counting backwards from 100, spelling the word 'turtle' backwards, etc.) to keep your mind occupied until you are out of the situation and somewhere safe where you can show your feelings.

Tell an adult. If you are being bullied, it's very important to tell an adult. Find someone you trust and go and tell them what is happening to you. Teachers, principals, parents, and lunchroom helpers at school can all help to stop bullying. Sometimes bullies stop as soon as a teacher finds out because they're afraid that they will be punished by parents. This is not tattling on someone who has done something small — bullying is wrong and it helps if everyone who gets bullied or sees someone being bullied speaks up.

What Happens to Bullies?
In the end, most bullies wind up in trouble. If they keep acting mean and hurtful, sooner or later they may have only a few friends left — usually other kids who are just like them. The power they wanted slips away fast. Other kids move on and leave bullies behind.

Luis lived in fear of Brian — every day he would give his lunch money to Brian but he still beat him up. He said that if Luis ever told anyone he would beat him up in front of all the other kids in his class. Luis even cried one day and another girl told everyone that he was a baby and had been crying. Luis was embarrassed and felt so bad about himself and about school. Finally, Brian got caught threatening Luis and they were both sent to the school counselor. Brian got in a lot of trouble at home. Over time, Brian learned how to make friends and ask his parents for lunch money. Luis never wanted to be friends with Brian but he did learn to act strong and more confident around him.

Some kids who bully blame others. But every kid has a choice about how to act. Some kids who bully realize that they don't get the respect they want by threatening others. They may have thought that bullying would make them popular, but they soon find out that other kids just think of them as trouble-making losers.

The good news is that kids who are bullies can learn to change their behavior. Teachers, counselors, and parents can help. So can watching kids who treat others fairly and with respect. Bullies can change if they learn to use their power in positive ways. In the end, whether bullies decide to change their ways is up to them. Some bullies turn into great kids. Some bullies never learn.

But no one needs to put up with a bully's behavior. If you or someone you know is bothered by a bully, talk to someone you trust. Everyone has the right to feel safe, and being bullied makes people feel unsafe. Tell someone about it and keep telling until something is done.

Answer 2

If you start out at the top of your page and read it from top to bottom you have your answer. I'm not familiar with the laws in England, but I do know that in the USA after any type of attack you mentioned people get help starting in the hospital and usually go to group therapy sometimes for the rest of there lives. The reason you don't have a life is because you're not giving yourself a chance. Even with your agoraphobia you have to trust in someone. You mentioned your mum as helping you, what I suggest is to just start maybe going on small walks with her. From there you'd be surprised at the people and things that you'll come across. There's always group meetings posted somewhere in the public eye. Try talking to a priest or minister. Just try anything just one step at a time. No, it won't be easy but if you don't you'll never start to get any type of help. My husband has PTSD from the Viet Nam war. He still suffers today. You went through a traumatic event even if you brought it on it still happened. You'll suffer your whole life but you need to get some help or that's all you'll do. What your doing is no life for anyone. If you can't try even one of the things I mentioned above I'm really afraid that life will pass you by. You're still young at 31. You haven't even lived half of your life yet. Why not make the next 31 the best. There's no better time then now. Good luck and I really hope you'll join the other side of life again. You'll find out that people aren't as bad as you think. Again, good luck BTW- There are medications for BPD. Why not see a doctor, get a diagnosis, and medication. There are many groups, and individual help available. Why not start there. The rest of your problems are interlaced with it.

Answer 3

There are some tremendously good answers on here that I can't improve on. Read the advice from Centreofinfinity - Emotional Freedom Technique is really great - it does work but like taking a prescription tablet, you need to keep taking it/doing it until you get to the bottom of why the pain of it is still with you. You can download the whole manual for EFT free from Gary Craig's website: www.emofree.com/downloadeftmanual.asp. Read the whole of the manual first and then write down some of the wording that you might like to use. Then just practice tapping the areas on your body where the energy needs to be released. Remember to only tap lightly, gently. You are being gentle with yourself - you are not bashing the technique into yourself like a bully would - light taps are great with the ends of your fingers. Get someone to go through the EFT with you the first time - someone you can trust, who will talk it through with you. The wording will continue to change for how you are feeling as you work through the pain of it all but persevere until you begin to feel that the issue is becoming weaker and weaker ...... and, trust me, it will.

Remember that you are still here - your are alive. The bullying didn't kill you as it did a friend of mine. Trust that the past is gone forever. This will NEVER happen to you again but while you keep this bullying memory inside of you, it will continue to fester and you are giving energy to the memory.

I agree, that letting it go is very hard but you are manifesting it by thinking about it, so that the person or persons who bullied you all those years ago are therefore still doing it to you, albeit in your head. Let them go. They have no hold over you now.

Try the EFT but remember it requires perseverance, and also take the advise of two other people who have posted on here: 'Sarah S', and 'hisgirlnextdoor'.

Truly, you will get through this and then you will be able to move on.

I hope it will be okay for me to send distant healing to you, so as to make a channel for healing from this bullying issue to cease and to help make effective any techniques you use to help with that.

Love the person you are. Forget the person you were then because you have moved on and so have the bullies.

I ask that you are healed from the torturing thoughts of the past, with love xxx

Answer 4

A good cathartic exercise may be to write your feelings down. You are able to be as explicit as you like, without blaming, shaming or upsetting anyone. You then read your account of your feelings and try to understand what made you feel like that. You will understand that bullying is a cowards way of getting what the bully wants. You are better than that bully. you rise above them and would certainly never do that to anyone.
Your next step could be to share the script with a life coach/councellor and see if you can work through the emotions. Good Luck

Answer 5

Bullies made my life miserable when I was a kid as well. The secret is FORGIVENESS. Forgive them for their trespasses and watch the anger disappear. If you continue to be angry they are still bullying you. Slowly, you will turn into something that you hate. God cautioned Cain to calm down (Gen 4:6-7). He didn't and you know what happened. Read Matthew 5:44. In fact, just read the whole Bible. Your anger toward your bullies will be forgotten.

Answer 6

Get strong. Work out, learn, become strong; self confidence will follow, you won’t be able to stop it.

With self confidence you will see bullies for what they really are…COWARDS.

If bullies are anything, they are always cowards, without fail and probably for no better reason than those who allow them to temporarily dominate should feel badly about the experience.

I had to deal with my bully in the eighth grade; once we fought and he got hurt more than I did, he wanted nothing more than friendship.

I’m not saying fight him; I’m saying get strong, physically, intellectually and the resulting confidence will take care of any such feelings. If you have the ability to really put a hurting on someone you will probably never find the need to do so.

Except, of course, in the service of your country.

Jim D

Answer 7

councling can help and get your anger out by locking your self in the bathroom and scream and let it out even if you wanna cry of stamp or let out all your angry feelings that you feel about the people that bullied you my aunt youst to do this it is best to let it out and also buying a boxing bag and gloves and taking up boxing is a good way to express hour anger on the boxing bag!! because it is not good to keep things bottled up because then onre day you will probably do something you will regret.

Answer 8

Reinact the events in your mind and what you wish you should have done. Or, write a poison pen letter but don't mail it.

Or, seek out someone or a group who's been through what you have and discuss it.

I once read a book that discussed negative thoughts. It said negative thoughts were like throwing a pebble into a pond. The ripples radiate outward and only get bigger.

Deal with it before it becomes a blackhole and consumes you.

Answer 9

If you still feel angry about it, the only thing you're doing is punishing yourself for what someone else has done to you. If you still let yourself feel angry every day about this, then that bully is managing to bully you even now, because he's still making you upset every day. So you need to stop thinking about it, and truly just not cae about it anymore. It's the past; there's no use worrying about or trying to change the past.

Answer 10

Sorry to hear about what you went through when you were young. This sounds like it is a very painful and sensitive subject with you. But, by writing here that you want to get over it that tells me that you're ready to move on but just can't.

I will be the first to tell you to not just forget about it. That doesn't work. Even if you bury it, the feelings are still there and it's very real to you!

So, coming from someone who has struggled with forgetting and forgiving I'll tell you my experiences in hope that something I say might help you.

I really think counseling may be helpful but I know I never wanted to hear that. I did go to one weekend of group counseling it was just two days in a group setting and for me that was the best thing that ever happened to me. I didn't want to go to a counselor for many sessions but I didn't mind going for one weekend.

If you don't want to go here are some very concrete steps that you can take:

1. This may sound strange, but it's really super effective. When you're alone in your house, write a letter saying everything and anything you want to all the bullies. Write down all your feelings write to each bully... it can be pages and pages if you like. Then, sit a chair in front of you (empty of course!:) and read your letter to each bully OUT LOUD. Yes, reading it out loud makes a difference. Then tear it up or better yet, burn it. This does help!

2. Watch the DVD or get the book The Secret. It will give you concrete ideas about how to set your mind free so that it becomes your own. Right now your mind is not yours it belongs to all those bullies you keep thinking about. Believe me, I know! Because I used to obsess about people who hurt me and people would tell me to get over it!! This made me more angry and upset. I WISHED I could get over it but I just couldn't.

I'm not saying to buy the book or DVD get it for free from the library. Don't dismiss this as strange. All it really is is a great way to be free!!! You can't put a price on freedom and happiness.

One of the things the Secret taught me is to write down everything in your life you are thankful for. When you start thinking of these bullies, DROWN THEM OUT with everything you are thankful for in your life... It's a lot of work at first and it seems really difficult to remember. But, soon it gets easier and you will find yourself thinking less and less of the bullies. It's a GREAT FEELING when you have your mind back and you don't have to let the bullies rule your thoughts.

Good luck. I really hope this helps because I know how detrimental it can be to you!!! Also knowing that I understand may help. It really hurt my feelings when people dismissed what I said and thought I could just get over it on my own. Or, when people quoted me the Bible. I know that I am supposed to forgive and I know the Bible and I know that it's detrimental for me but all that knowledge didn't help me to get over it.

Answer 11

I know where you are coming from. What I did was I wrote to the school about my experience and told them to do whatever it takes to prevent it from happening from another innocent person in the future. I actually wrote to my middle school and high school (because last year, I was bullied). I felt so great after I expressed my thoughts to the schools and so far, no one in my high school has been bullied! Hope this helps...