What emotion deos this leave you with?

Question

I wrote this for s freind to give to a guy who totaly screwed her over just like everybody -especaily me- said he would.He teased her heart with the idea of a ralationship but ditched her for one of my other friends.


A HEART CARVED OUT OF EMPTY WORDS
A funny feeling you gave me
in your eyes, I thought I saw the same thing
but it was just the reflection of the knife
slit open my heart to feel more alive
kill me so gently with your kind lies
make me a fool in your eyes
betray the rose for the thorn
leave my soul broken and torn
mistaken love for a blade
leave my heart for dead, bleeding like pain
the question never was do I love you
say it, my response:"I love you too"
empty words that cut so deep
for you, who knew my heart and soul would bleed?




She didn't give the poem to him because she said it sounded nothing like her.That's because she sucks at writing poetry.But I still love her.

She WANTED me to write a poem.

Answer 1

If you really wrote that, it was very impressive and obviously sad. good though, sorry about ur friend, but what kind of friend is ur other girlfriend for getting with him too. Not all of us guys are like that, I wish her luck. Keep at it, you have talent : )
lines 2 - 4 are really clever.


In reflection on the whole purpose of the poem, I think I understand why you would want her to give it to him, although it wouldn't have mattered in the least since he obviously has no regard for others.

Answer 2

I got two emotions from this. One was quite obvious and the other hidden under the hidden meanings of hiddenness. Ok that sounded crappy, but here goes. The poem obviously has a sense of desperation. The lady is literally screaming at the guy. It's a whole mass of intricate words regurgitated at this dude. However, I also feel a sense of relief. A new sense of relief that is really not that common. It's like forced relief combined with a bit of grief and sadness. I find most of it on the line "slit open my heart to feel more alive." I feel that the one that feels more alive is the girl. It's like theres been so much crap lodged into her heart from that guy, that even if it hurts, she has to open it up to breathe and exhale all that crap. The last line also has a bit of it. It's like a rhetorical question. It's like the girl headed into the relationship never knowing that the guy was a jerk, or that he never knew that he would be such a jerk. Whatever the question is, the girl is throwing off the idea and trivializing the relationship. She's glad that she can finally be sad as a person, instead of sad as someone being used.

Answer 3

Complicated. Your friend asked you to write a poem to give to the guy...but it doesn't sound like "her"...what did she expect? Also, why would she want to give a poem to someone who just broke her heart? He obviously cares little for her, and by extension, probably cares less about anything she has to say to him, especially if she gives it to him in a poem...what was she thinking?

meanwhile, your poem is pretty good...but if you want to turn this into a poem to keep for yourself, you'd need to do some editing. You have tense conflict (past, present, future) between lines, you wander from rhymed couplets to free verse without any apparent pattern...although that isn't "wrong", it just throws the reader off a little, and your meter is uneven. However, it is apparent that you have an ear for poetry, so you could probably do a pretty good revision by simply having someone read it out loud to you so you could hear the hard spots.

My advice to your friend is simple: learn from your mistake and don't give this guy anymore of your time...you've wasted enough of it on him...move on. You were a good friend to her, but as you've already discovered, you can't turn a heart away from disaster when it's filled with love.

...and keep writing

Answer 4

desolation. but in the mist there was a sign of life... a new beginning that life would continue and thrive.

So what about those who are loved all the time, they get bored with it and the pleasures and feelings that come with it do not become stimulated anymore.

Someone who has not had that felling of love or has had even pain will embrace that love and feel every synapse of its ever so intoxicating effects. they will not take it for granted and they will experience heart break as an amplifier for love when it is reflected back to the giver.

Answer 5

Your friend sounds like she is in deep pain.
Writing for me is a creative outlet that reflects who I am at any given moment. Although your friend "sucks at writing poetry", I would encourage her to put her pen to the page and let out all her emotions in some form. The easiest way to get over being ditched is to cleanse yourself of those feelings and to move on.

Answer 6

What a poem
this is about someone
who is in pain. No thanks to being used
and abused. With the betray and having her
heart ripped out is compared to being stabbed.
the title empty words
I would have said a broken heart due
to empty promises.
the poor soul
who's heart is broken and left to bleed.

Answer 7

Reminds me of Beautiful Liar by Beyonce and Shakira. Has a lament feeling. Has a lot of imagery. Good Job.

Answer 8

Hope she still loves you too even though you say she "suck" at writing poetry, and even though you give her a poem that YOU wrote and try to make her give it to that guy...which is really wierd if you ask me...

Have a good day

Answer 9

I think your poem is good. I think you have the skill of writing poems. Go on! You can write more.

Answer 10

u crack me up.
u love this guy.
do him or get over it.
but tell ur friend first.