My father has never spent quality time with me throughout the past 20 years of my life. He is a workaholic. He never taught me any technical skills, sports or whatever. Even when he is at home he never communicates, he justs sits behind a newspaper or watches TV. He never encourages me, takes pride in my academic achievements, and he doesn't care about me emotionally. He is as good as growing up w/o a father. He's also a very strict disciplinarian, always caning me whenever I offended him even a little or whenever I try to stand up to him. I'm afraid of him and I don't love him at all. He also annoys me by always trying to say I'm in the wrong and not a good son, etc even when things are ok. I really hated him for this. He always uses physical force on me and even threatened to send me to a boys' home or cut off my fingers when I hit my brother.
He is worse than a terrorist. I think he has some issues at work and he tries to displace it on me as some object.
2007-09-01 22:56:18 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
He has never, ever praised me for anything good I've ever done. I really feel like crying and I'm so frustrated and angry with his lack of concern. He never asked me how my day was. Every time I misbehave, mum will call him and I will wait in fear for his return from work.
It seems he has punished me so many times for my mistakes I have lost love for him.
He also sometimes stalks me at school a few times. I'm really scared. He did this when I misbehaved a few times.
I felt so **** and f.u.c.k.e.d up I think my mind is so screwed. I'm already 20 and am a Christian but I find it so hard to forget the past.
How can I possibly get masculine competence? Who can possibly teach me technical skills and sports?
I really need more male friends and elderly father-figures to help me. The emotional damage is quite bad.
2007-09-01 22:56:39 · update #1
I feel for you I really do. My father left some pretty bad emotional scars on my brother and I also.
My hubby grew up with out a father and always missed having a father figure in his life. Long Story. but,,,, he just started having a relationship with his dad and then his dad died from cancer..
Anyway, you might try to seek out some help at your church.
Do you work. make your own money? You may consider moving out and finding your own way in the world.
Your dad does not have any control over you, unless you let him. You are 20 years old and you do not have to take it from him.
If you are going to college, talk to a counselor at school. They could give you some advice.
Good Luck, faith
2007-09-02 15:29:14 · answer #1 · answered by faith♥missouri 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Some people are incapable of *giving* Is he a selfish person?. Do you think that your mom has the same kind of feelings that you have? You do not need his approval to know that you are a good person. You have to realize that there are people like this and move on. I know how you feel. Mine was like that too. Always angry about something and I never did anything right. I am 53 now and it still affects me somewhat. I got over being hurt about it a long time ago but we are not close. He had a stroke a few yrs back and it changed his whole attitude. He is more mellow and laughs more than I ever saw in all the yrs before. Another thing to think about is ..does he have to work all the time to make ends meet? This can take its toll on a person.
2016-05-19 02:13:42 · answer #2 · answered by vida 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I grew up with an alcoholic, abusive father that left us (4 or us) at a young age. As hard as it was many girls w/o a father seek it else where, I learned to be independent and how not to be when I grew up. If I was ever in a situation that I wasn't sure how to handle I would do the opposite of what my father would have done and it usually worked out for the best! Stop and think about it for a minute, if he was to "teach" you he would teach you "his" ways and that may not be the best thing for you! It is hard but you have to find your own way in this cold and heartless world to make it better for you.
2007-09-09 14:03:29 · answer #3 · answered by Crystal P 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First question, why are you still at home if you're 20? Second, Do you have a family church? If so, turn to your pasture, or even your old youth pasture, assuming you have one. Maybe they can help you fill in the void, and answer some of your questions. They can give you courage, understanding, and reassurance of your faith in God. Pray for your father, not just yourself, and ask God for specifics. Maybe even pray a door will be opened for you to see where you need to go, or how to handle the situation. I think the trouble lies in that you just need him to acknowledge you, to love you, and to show his inner feelings. I think your dad has more things going on than he lets on. Maybe this was how he was taught to love by his own father. Who knows? Only God does. Have faith, keep on believing, and never doubt. Harder to do than to say, I know, but try it.
2007-09-09 20:15:47 · answer #4 · answered by Jessie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We can't pick our fathers, can we.
You are NOT your father. Work hard to leave your environment. Make something of yourself and leave
your baggage behind you.
God can help you throughout your life, if you are willing
to commit to Him.
I had a alcoholic father. Need I say more?
I worked hard at school and work. Got out from under his
thumb and started my own life. I never would have made it
without the Lord.
God bless.
2007-09-08 13:48:17 · answer #5 · answered by hugskisses4707 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your Dad has gone to work and provided you with a home for all the years of your life. Give him a break. Have you ever really tried to talk to him about something he is interested in - have YOU taken the time to get to know him. I think that you are hard on him and he knows that you do not care for him. Perhaps his work drains him of any compassion that he can show anywhere. You let this go 20 years, why change it now. Go out and get a job youself and get out of the house and do things on your own.
2007-09-09 14:06:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
And he'll never change until its too late... do the best you can do and i'm assuming your almost out of college at 20 so and more than likely living at home ..so get a job, so your not home too much to escape, bank as much as you can, and get ur own place asap....put some distance between u and him...... is he your stepfather or natural father? Sounds like he is not happy with himself or his upbringing and taking it out on the wrong person.... Try to be strong until you can get out ... take care
2007-09-09 07:39:17 · answer #7 · answered by momof3 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im sorry. Its time to man up. You have to find a way for yourself and I am speaking from experience, I can relate. Forgive and learn more about yourself. (lol 'he's worse than a terrorist!')
2007-09-09 20:40:08 · answer #8 · answered by AspiringLovDoctor 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u r a grown up guy. think of other things in life. guys of ur age usually dont have time for there parents. stop thinking about wat u dont have rather think about wat u have got. Or try talking to ur mom. y dont u stop beating up ur younger brother. or do wat ur mom says. Is ur brother also feels the same way. If u feel so depressed living with ur parents. Get a job for urself and move out of home.
Gud luck
2007-09-09 22:17:13 · answer #9 · answered by bird 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋