you never listen
you don't even care
what we feel inside
always unknown to you
it's always about you
never about us
now we feel used
taken for granted
hurt,
you betrayed us
and now
revenge is what we seek
regret
is what you will feel
after you have a taste
of your own medicine
and now let us see
who will have the last laugh
we will see
who will rise in victory.
what do you think.?
2007-09-01 22:49:37 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Good as a piece of poetry , but "vengeful" is right ! Sounds Political , am I right ? Too much negative emotion .
And that is bad because it is only too easy to justify violence .
And will it really be a "victory ?" Not against those who "never care "....only against some totally unrelated innocents . Dangerous stuff , that . ...could serve as the anthem for some extremist group !
2007-09-09 02:15:12 · answer #1 · answered by yjnt 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow haha... You are someone who can really take on a vengeful character in your poems. Perhaps you can extend your poem by adding more details I guess? Instead of just "hurt" and "regret", you can add in, perhaps, "pain" or heartwrenching feelings to express how innocent you are and how mean the other party is to be treating you that way.
But I like the overall betrayal theme you have weaved into this poem skilfully. Simple words but they pierce right through the conscience. Good job, I love it and keep writing more! :)
2007-09-02 20:53:51 · answer #2 · answered by UnspokenShadow 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
About the message: it sounds like a teenage child talking to his/her parents about how self-absorbed the parents are. The children want to do something to let the parent feel as hurt and neglected as they do.
The feelings are not to be judged. Feelings just are. Feelings are not bad or good. They just exist in the context of what people feel is happening to them.
As far as the poem, it has no value. The feelings have a lot of value but the so-called poem? It's just a collection of words.
2007-09-05 18:35:05 · answer #3 · answered by margot 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as though you've let a rotten guy make you a very bitter girl. They're not worth it--they come a dime a dozen. There is someone out there who will be good to you--just have a little patience.
Nice writing, though. Better luck with luv in the future.
2007-09-02 05:55:07 · answer #4 · answered by Holiday Magic 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
great vengeful piece I've come across lately. Just add a few spiteful adjectives to make it more vivid and sadistic:
you never listen, the dimwit you are
it's always about you fiendish villain
revenge is what we seek for your heartless malice
we will see
who will rise in this vindictive retaliatory victory.
good luck.
good luck
2007-09-09 02:12:39 · answer #5 · answered by ari-pup 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
forgive me dear but your nice little poet reads a hair 'Bush-ish' to me
'revenge, regret, victory, make no mistake about it.'..oooups!
that was actually Georgy's line...:-)
well it's a tiny bit too pubertal and first degree for me,
but hey, some peoples in recent history were actually pretty successful with that kind of wording...:-)
would love to read more soon, I'm pretty positive that you can do much better.
good luck
2007-09-10 04:52:18 · answer #6 · answered by Lucas 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does the person/people you are writing this to deserve this?
If "No", then it is kind-of vengeful..,
But if you do need to say this to someone, I would recommend adding a little detail here and there.., something to make them remember the exact circumstance/place/surrounding.., something specific to make them remember exactly what it is they did to hurt you.., and hopefully to make them wish they hadn't.
2007-09-10 03:33:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋