I was reading an article at http://www.smartmoney.com/esquire/index.cfm?story=20060804 and I suggest you read it.
The author used to be bad at holding eye contact for long periods. As an experiment, he forced himself to start locking in on people's pupils and made sure the other person was the first to look away or down. He stopped worrying about the reaction of the person he was staring at. At first it was uncomfortable, but after awhile he got used to it and started getting friendlier greetings, discounts he didn't deserve etc. Basically he was treated as a powerful person because he commanded it through eye contact.
I can relate to this because I stink at eye contact and I might try this and see if there is any difference. Right now, I'm always the first person to look down or away during a conversation. So, the other person naturally thinks I'm weak or timmid. What are your thoughts on this article? Is there something to it or what? At this point, I'm ready to try anything.
2007-09-01 21:40:20 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Great Question!
I think the article is very likely to be true. In my own business career, I use eye contact selectively, not to show dominance, but to show trust and sincerity. So I don't worry about being the first to look away, but I make sure I am looking the person squarly in the eye when I am saying something I know is important to them, or when they are saying something that I believe to be important. This actually works extremely well with customers. However, I am sometimes criticized for being "soft" with my peers (in other departments). I will try the 'don't blink first' thing and see how it works.
Besides the eye contact, you also need to be aware of the muscles around the eyes (forehead, etc.). They should stay relaxed, and should not signal worry or fear. Just holding eye contact, but also having a frown or a look of fear on your face probably won't help.
On the trust angle, our eyes are the window to our souls. People who do not look you in the eye are considered to be non-trust-worthy or aloof.
On the dominance angle... if you are in the African rainforest and you encounter a male gorilla... what is the one rule you must know to ensure your survival? Don't make eye contact! Eye contact is considered an aggressive act amongst primates... but I believe this is true for many animals. Since the gorilla will think you are challenging him, he will defend his position in the hierarchy by upping the stakes. If you don't back down, he will attack. As humans, even very powerful ones, will not want to up the stakes during a social (or business) interaction, there is no risk that the eye contact will turn into a fist fight... especially if it is supported by a smile. But it can show the other person that you are not a pushover.
Sorry for the long answer, but this question really got me thinking.
CG
2007-09-01 22:02:30 · answer #1 · answered by Curious George 3 · 5⤊ 0⤋
It is powerful. Eyes really are "the windows to the soul". Curious George, btw, gives you a great answer.
We have wild animals where I live ~ bears and cougar. It is not at all unheard of to run across either on an outdoors expedition. The main thing to do is to avoid eye contact. That is taken as a challenge. I have been surprised by a black bear upon occasion and found no eye contact and a slow retreat (whilst facing the creature) was important.
It is very important to look at people and into their eyes but to not over do it. If you do not look people in the eye they will not trust you. If you look down too easily they will think differently of you than if you stare them down or know just the RIGHT amount of time to hold a gaze.
Remember, eye gazing is also one of the most significant parts of love making. They eyes truly are the windows to the soul.
It only takes a little practice. Try it with a few people you know well, without telling them what you are up to. Try it with a stranger in a coffee shop or a person in the veggie department as you feel for that perfect avocado.
Anyone who has ever raised children or trained dogs, often very similar activities, will also tell you, eyes along with body language and voice are the most important tools you have to work things well. Of course, in these cases with love and care!
Now, head to the veggie section and go check out those avocados...
There you go! See....
2007-09-01 22:11:02 · answer #2 · answered by Noor al Haqiqa 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The eyes r the window 2 the soul.and since i believe we are all one u have 2 b making a connectionwith someone when u look into their eyes.I work with the public and i make a habbit of looking everyone n the eyes because I dont want people 2 think they r just another customer 2 me.alot of people dont ever look at me when i wait on them but the ones that do ,I feel a connection 2 them and i can tell from there reaction that they r pleased that we connected with our eyes.I think it makes people feel special when u take the time 2 truely look at them as a person unjudgingly.It is also a fact for those who work 4 tips that u make more money when u look people n the eye.Everyone likes 2 b recognized.I feel it is more about compassion than power.
2007-09-01 22:04:29 · answer #3 · answered by clhweral1 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is an age old fact, that eye contact triggers dominance issues.
In the animal world eye contact is an invitation to disaster.
In most pack animals, no member of the pack gives direct eye contact before it displays submissive behavior.
Even then it can be taken as a challenge by the dominate leader. I still see it in humans, they stare at each before confrontation. A sizing up and silent challenge, funny how we haven't changed that much in millions of years.
2007-09-01 23:57:47 · answer #4 · answered by ladyhawk8141 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are plenty of people who find it indispensable, but many people, especially those with autism and asperger's who go completely unaffected by it. The range is very large.
The wiki on this is also very interesting. For instance, in any other animal, prolonged eye contact triggers the Acute Stress Response.
2007-09-01 21:50:47 · answer #5 · answered by Aaron 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Eyes are the windows to people's souls. l like looking into people's eyes to try and see what they really feel like, what is on their minds, whether they are stressed or tired and need support, feel happy and need to share, or feel scared and need comfort. l can't see the point of using it as a power tool and to 'stare the other person down'. l also think it's important to respect another person's privacy if you notice that they don't feel like having eye contact.
2007-09-01 22:04:40 · answer #6 · answered by Amelie 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Whoa....before you go trying to make eye contact with people, first be aware that your eyes are the mirror of your soul.
If you have anger in your soul, that will show.
If you have hatred and disgust in your soul, that will show.
The person you are speaking of was successful with eye contact because he obviously had a warmth and loving kindness in his eyes that people responded to.
If you have anger and rage or whatever inside you, you are better off not making a lot of eye contact! You will scare people!
2007-09-01 22:03:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Power of Eye Contact - amazing... i stare people down, they start to feel very uncomfortable, especially if they lying to you, they would never be able to look you straight in the eye!
Love it!
2007-09-01 21:48:19 · answer #8 · answered by Marnia 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Very important. Eye contact validates the person you are having communication with. Also, shows you are angaged with the conversation, also displays maturity and good social skills.
2007-09-01 21:49:36 · answer #9 · answered by Brenna 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Eye contact helps when it comes to paying attention to what someone says. I was once told that in order to make someone uneasy...someone that may be acting unkind to you...it's best to look them in the left eye only.
Anyone else hear that?
2007-09-03 12:53:37 · answer #10 · answered by Beth 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋