Ok, where do I begin?!? I have been married to my husband for 13 years. We have had alot of problems. He just recently left me during my pregnancy for an 18 year old. I had the baby on my own and he wanted to come back. I took him back and he has changed alot. I just got alot of info from the girl that he was with and it was more than he described it to be. I have confronted him with this and he tells me that I deserve it. I did have a relationship with one of our friends when he had left me before. We were not together. We seem to be going in circles with this. I want to know if the feelings of leaving this marriage worth it., or should I put the past in the past and move forward?!?
Thanks for all the help, and please no bad comments about what I did--guys!
2007-09-01 16:58:03 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Ok so lets see, if he left you before did you think it was over? You were seeing someone else then, did you not expect him to come back? He leaves you when you are pregnant with his child for a young woman. Did you not expect him back then?
Why would you talk to her after he came back? Don't you trust him? He blames you by saying you deserved it, do you want to hear it for the rest of your marriage? Who do you believe, the one who left or the one who took him (does she want him back to tell you this?)?
How can you be happy always wondering about him or him wondering about you? How many times do you want to separate? Are you both willing to work at your marriage, go to counseling? Can you both let the past be the past and look forward? Can you both learn to trust each other again?
I know this isn't really advice but only you and your husband can decide if it is worth it, these are just some ideas on where to start to look. It is not a decision to be taken lightly. Your happiness has to come before your child's at this point. A child can't be happy if their parents are miserable.
My own opinion, well if he has left before, then again, I would wonder when the next time would be. Personally cheating would be the end of it for me, no second thoughts. I can't be with someone I couldn't trust. So think about it, talk about it then decide.
2007-09-01 19:41:50 · answer #1 · answered by bkdrm41897 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know what its so hard to answer this type of question because only and he know how much u love each other and if u both have what it takes to move on..
You cheated on him, whether u were not living together at the time or not, thats how he views it.. and he was clearly hurt by this. But for him to use that against u so that he could feel less guilty about cheating on u is a crock. He chose to forgive u before he cant change his mind when it was convient for him to turn around and hold u accountable for his actions..in hopes of making u feel bad.. ur both accountable for your own actions..
What both of u have done is in the past , but do u both have what it takes to forgive each other and move on from this, that is the question. Do u both have what it takes to change, to be what each other needs u to be to each other .. cause if the answers no.. if u dont love each other enough then its senseless wasting each others life on something that will never be resolved, but if u both do love each other enough, then i suggest u get rid of all negative influences in ur life for good, and get some marriage counseling, and to give ur marriage everything u've got and start a new life with each other and let the past go...
It will be hard to do.. but if u and him love each other it is possible to get through this.. but only u know in ur heart and soul if u can do it.. and only he knows as well...
good luck..
2007-09-01 17:25:03 · answer #2 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You two need to get into marriage counseling... you can express all your stuff with a professional referee present, then work through it all. It really works. You both have to commit to the process, though.
He needs to figure out whether or not he wants to be with you and your baby. There is a lot of fun ahead as the kid grows older. To do this, he has to grow up and quit messing around. He had that 18 year old lined up before he left you. Make it clear that keeping a "side dish" is not allowed... the last thing you need is to be paying for the side-dish's child support.
In the meantime, you need to do the ol' t-bar approach... add up all the good things in one column and all the bad things in another column. If the bad stuff really outweighs the good stuff, you really need to make some decisions.
Is it healthy for the kid to be around parents that fight all the time?
2007-09-01 17:52:30 · answer #3 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say if you really love him you should consider marriage counseling he should also attend if he really loves you so that this marriage will work out....now with the 18 year old she could be saying things to you because she wants you to kick him to yje curb...However you husband did leave weather you were pregnant or not he should have consider his vows. This is something that the 2 of you need to work on together in order for you to fully trust him again. Just remember if he leaves you again don't tkae him back because this would mean for certain that he is a loder with a big L. You deserve better than that!
2007-09-01 17:32:33 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh yes, thankyou . I am a logical intelligent person most of the time... I have my moments in the sun. :) Well the age for access is 13 years and up... so by juvenile you mean a teenager, I suppose. Some of the very literate ones can be a little hard to recognize by their avatar, and going by the level of naivety is no real guide, otherwise I try where warranted to take the question as a sincere one and answer appropriately. Sometimes I'm certain the person is taking the piss and I will respond accordingly .... but I sometimes later learn that it was a genuine teen... and that's an unfortunate lesson for both of us.
2016-05-19 01:10:15 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Something like that brings up tragic memories and feelings everytime its discussed with him am i right?
You cant control what went on in the past but we ALWAYS have power over the present and the future. If you guys want the rest of your years to be happy and fullfilling, you need to base your marriage on things that are going to make it stronger like mutual love, affection, respect, and effort. You guys really pulled some stunts and the damage is done. All you can do is try to pave over it with a better marriage. Drop it. Dont mention it during arguments, dont mention it during good times, just leave it in the past and that is where it will stay.
2007-09-01 18:12:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Individually you both have psychological manifestations that are playing out. (Both are coping with individual impairments). Continue to avoid professional behaviour rehabilitation, and you can bank on the compounded, and exponential DIS-interest you both have earned.
You both need to see a DOCTOR of psychology. I am not saying this as a slight or insult. I am saying this as a professional. You lucky thing you; got an answer from the real deal tonight. If you were describing a broken arm, I would also advise to see a DOCTOR, but I would refer you to a physician (physical health doctor).
Even though these days, there is less stigma attached to seeking mental health professionals,there is still the social implication that those with a mental disorder are 'unstable' or "nuts". Let me assure you, every person on the planet has some level of instability, or psychosis. The determination of their mental health is how well they cope, and HOW they cope. All you and your husabnd really need is to learn how to cope better with your state of mental health. Re-learning proper behaviours when faced with situations that have the ability to tap into your psychosis and disable your best coping mechanisms to do what is "right".
2007-09-01 17:20:38 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
So for him, it was an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth? While you were pregnant?
I think is timing was ridiculously awful to get back at you for something that had happened years ago.
You have this new, beautiful, loving baby to focus on right now. You've done it all on your own at first, and kuddos to you, because it's very hard.
Now you need to weigh whether it's worth it or not to have him back in to your and your baby's life. If this was a childish, stupid thing he had to get over with, and he's ready to commit to both of you as his family, then at least try.
If you feel he's too immature and self-absorbed to play his role as a father and a supportive husband, try to go to counseling together.
I hope you guys will go through this bad time, and succeed in focusing on being a family together.
2007-09-01 17:10:36 · answer #8 · answered by yogi 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Once someone cheats in any relationship, it will never be the same. Yes your marriage is worth saving only if that what you both want. Both affairs should be left in the past. Move on. I can only see your marriage working with alot of love, understanding,compassion,and communication. Good luck to you.
2007-09-01 17:31:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
two wrongs don't make a right. i would say to him anyway... what you did wasn't wrong if you two were separated. he did what he did to you while you two was together was wrong.. one thing i do know is that you cant keep hashing this out every time you get into a fight. its up to you if you can trust him or not.. he would have to earn my trust back away from me.. then if he did get my trust back and i was still available then i would talk about getting together again. what he did with that girl you will have to learn to let it go.. you don't need to know all the gorey details. that will just up set you..if your willing to let him back in your life you will have to work hard at not hashing the past over with each other.. it will do no one any good. good luck
2007-09-01 18:17:14 · answer #10 · answered by Kat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋