is my story good so far?

Question

I'm writing a story for fun and i'm just wondering if its interesting so far. (be honest)

"...which is due the 23rd. Now before the bell rings I would just like to finish up the.." *RING* *RING*
The bell rang violently as the students franticly stuffed books and papers into there backpacks. It was friday at last and nobody had any intention of opening there backpacks again until sunday night. The hallways were suddenly flooded with people pushing and shoving there way to the front doors. Jack sat qietly at his desk waiting patiently for the halls to become deserted once again. He softly tapped his fingers on the desk as he watched Mr. Sanders gather up his papers.
"Ready for the weekend Jack?" asked Mr. Sanders suddenly as he placed his papers neatly in his breifcase.
"Huh? Oh... yeah." Answered Jack.
"Any big plans?"
"Yeah you know me," Jack stood up and pushed in his chair. "I'm full of big plans."
Jack hoisted his backpack onto his shoulders and made his way to the door.

He said his goodbyes to his teacher and walked out to the halls hoping they would be empty. He smiled and looked around realizing that he was alone in the usually packed hallways. His grin slowly faded. He raced down the hard stone steps two at a time trying not to slip as he had done too many times. He shoved the front doors open and sprinted onto the courtyard only to find the school busses slowly driving away. Dissapointment flooded Jack's thoughts as he sat down on the nearest bench.

"Damnit!" Jack yelled looking around making sure nobody was within earshot to hear him curse. But the only things around were the bright orange busses carrying comfortable kids to there even more comftorable houses.
Accepting the fact that he would once again have to walk home, Jack slowly stood up and ambled towards his well known shortcut through the woods. He didn't mind walking home, he just wished he could occasionaly catch the bus. He took his time walking, watching the grass crunch under his shoes as he took each step. The light dimmed as he made his way into the shaded woods. The grass turned into twigs and dirt while the sky turned into branches and leaves.

by the way i am 15 years old

Answer 1

dont care how old u are-writing is writing
story is not bad, in fact if you want to put three times as much time into it as you have , it might be quite good; but right now, it's not bad Here's some writing:
Jack's dad was dead, finally. It tore him up to think that way, but four years of watching the cancer eat away and shrink the once tall, strong body into almost nothing was enough to make anyone pray for an end. And now it was over. Jack could stop hating himself. The tears and self loathing and all the misery were washed away and he had absolutely nothing left inside.

Now that aint great, but it's concise and it conveys a lot of impact quickly.

Answer 2

WOW 15 years old? That's great. Now I have to wait till it gets published to find out more about Jack?

By the by I'm writing a book and you gave me an idea here. Although I'm not sure my reviews will be as good as yours. :)

Answer 3

right now im wondering why it is this jack uy is such a loner which is good because the more people want to know the more they'll read. i think you should describe the scene a little more before you introduce the character because you want him to enter after you have mentioned his enviorment and surrondings a little more. but besides my opinion on that i think your grammar is really good and you have a way with words. your talented...write the rest of the book!

Answer 4

Your age is insignificant. If your manuscript was submitted to an editor, publisher or agent, it would be treated like all others. And yours needs work. T H E I R ... possessive. Not THERE or THEY"RE ... at age 15, surely a teacher has explained that somewhere along the way. Secondly, you do not write dialogue properly.

Also, to borrow from Stephen King, the road to hell is paved with adverbs. I would defy you to explain to me the difference between a school bell that rings violently and one that rings passively or happily. About 8 times out of 10, adverbs are misused by people and not necessary. The bell rang. Period. Same way it rings every day. Make yourself a sign that says.

"The road to Hell is paved with adverbs" Stephen King

and hang it on your monitor. Memorize it.

It needs a lot of rewrite and I really don't know where the story is going, but work on it. Pax- C

Answer 5

Hi! I'm 14, and I'm a writer, too! I think you've responded to some of my stuff before...
Well, honestly, I don't really know what it's about. But you have talent, I think it's pretty good :)

Answer 6

fix some spelling errors
reword some sentences to make it "flow"
Other than that, your doing a great job
keep up the good work
:D