Mother of three; overwhelmed?

Question

I live at my mother and father in law's house with my husband, 3 children ages 11 ,4 ,and 6 months. First of all my oldest daughter is being evaluated for bi-polar and asberger's and I spend at least 20 hours a week at appointment' s for my children. I work as a bardtender two to three days a week. The problem is that my mother in law is our daycare provider and seems to think that this gives her rights to control all that evolves our children. Between her and my husband they want me to be superwomen. They exspect me to work 5 days a week and take all my children to appointments, and take full responsibility of all that is needed to care for the children with little help. I am forever listening to them complain about what I'm doing wrong, you don't work enough, you don't make enough money, or the hours I work are not feasible to their schedule. I don't know what to do and how to get them to see that I am tring the very best. I do what I can around the house and for my kids. Any advice

Answer 1

Unfortunatately since you are in her house, and she is taking care of your kids, then she is already involved. Your mother in law is probably tired of you guys living there and wants you to get a better job so she can have her place back.

Perhaps being a bartender just isn't cutting it? Perhaps there are some other options here that you have not explored? Perhaps you could get a better job and let your mother in law can handle the appointments? She may actually be happier doing that since it may lead you to financial security.

All in all, as long as you live there, then she can complain.

Answer 2

What exactly does your husband do? I'm a mother of two small children....it's hard and it sucks....there are several options out there. You might have to some way find the time to really get out there and look but there's nothing wrong with asking for a little help. After all you pay taxes too. If anything you need to save up some money, enough for a deposit and first months rent and get out of there. You're an adult and should be in control of how you're family lives. You're mother in law is not helping and your husband is not helping by not being supportive. You also should think of how you're children are veiwing this as well. If everything else fails you need to stand your ground and let them know that they can't treat people like this because it's not right and you're doing all that you can. The best of luck to you and your kids. You seem like a woman that is as strong as iron.

Answer 3

Well living with the in-laws creates a horribly aukward situation. God intended the man and wife to move out and away from parents and form their own family unit to precisely avoid that type of interference. So there is that.

But the biggest thing is communication. Youre not totally responsible and accountable for having a great relationship with your mother in law. You ARE accountable to your husband. It sounds like you guys need to sit down away from kids and mother and have very frank, honest, open communication. You would think that the longer youre married the better you communicate but that isnt always the case. My mom and dad were married for 17 years and their communication was HORRIBLE. There needs to be an open forum on how each of you feel loved by the other and ways that you can show that love and communicate reasonable expectations. Unless there is that understanding, the back of his brain is telling him that you should be superwoman and tension comes from those expectations whether hes aware of it or not. Mother in law naturally expects you to be superwife because all parents think their kids deserve near perfection.

Answer 4

Well you are in her house, she does watch the kids, she is there. Your husband well he should be helping you not complaining. Talk to him. Tell him all you do. Ask him to help out. Marriage only works if the 2 people in it work together. You should not have to do it alone, there are 2 of you. Tell him how you feel about their comments on how well you are not handling things and ask him how he can help.
As for your mother in law well bite your tongue until you can put yourself in a better situation. Ask her to talk to you, ask her to give some suggestions, tell her where you are at right now, get her to go to appointments with you. Maybe she is just feeling like she is there to help and no one is asking. She may need to feel that you appreciate her and need her.
Communicate how you feel to those involved. It can't hurt, it will hopefully help.

Answer 5

Well, I would say if you live with your Mother-in-law and father-in-law, they do have something to say about your family. She even babysits your kids and I would guess that you don't pay her a penny for it either. Why don't you see if you can find a better job than a bartender. You would earn more money and maybe you could move out. Although if they are letting you and your husband mooch off them, I can't imagine why you would ever want to move. You are in a mess and it doesn't sound like you will be able to escape.

Answer 6

Exactly what is your husband doing? Anything? Does he have a job?
If not LEAVE HIM. I know times can get tough but what are you doing living at your in-laws house?
If your husband isnt working and doesnt want to work and help with the kids get out.

Answer 7

What about your husband? what do they say about him? look here the hell with what they think, talk to your husband I think you should find a place of your own because girl living with meddling in laws is worst than dying and going to hell.. I know all about that, and I understand you too, Shitt is hard to work and keep up with appt and kids and all of that.. this people should help and shutt the hell upp and if they continue this shitty behavior find another baby sitter and keep them far away from your kids this way they have nothing to say, I don't know how you can put up with that crap.. but keep strong your doing the best you can and god is seeing this things will get better in the mean time, the hell with the in laws talk to your hubby about this and tell them is time to move away.. good luck I will keep you in my prayers.

Answer 8

sounds to me like you and hubby need to have a serious talk....and a plan to move outta the inlaws house before they drive you crazy..you need to express that you are doing all that you can with the kids and work and all and though you "appreciate" thier "valuable" advice you only have so much to give and its already being spread very thin.....maybe you should suggest to hubby the next time he is criticizing you or not sticking up for you that you will be more then willing to share the dr apps and other kid related jobs you have so that he can see what its like to have to juggle and be a superhuman trying to get it all done.....
and on a personal note, try to find a way to vent your angers and frustrations so that they dont drive you nutty....believe me been there done that....write in a journal, join and online support group...something, anything that you enjoy and that is for you....best of luck to you :)

Answer 9

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Answer 10

The single biggest mistake you're making is living with your in-laws. Your family needs to move out of there ASAP.