What do you think of my writing???

Question

My teacher thinks that I'm good enough to get published, but I"m not so sure about that.....

Here's the link
http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2410019/1/

It's no where near done I just put it up, it looks a lot different on Word too. Transfering it messed it up. It's 156,000 words. And the editing is no where near done. I just put up a rough copy. I just wanted to see what other peoples opinions were because my best friends have also told me that I should think about getting published. I already have things published in my school newspaper and I published a poem and editorial in Teen Ink

And again may I say that I am no where near done editing it. I'm going to end up changing everything around and probably getting rid of 40,000 words or 50,000.

Answer 1

I read chapter one. I wasn't impressed. It did nothing to draw me in whatsoever. The problem is that having it posted online is a serious issue. It can already be copied and plagiarized dozens even hundreds of times. Publishers now routinely reject any and all submissions that have previously been posted online in any form. It is too much of a problem for them tracing it back to determine you are the original owner and insuring that they don't end up in any messy legal battles when another publisher gets the same work submitted to them under a different name. Also, some of these forums that allow you to post your work there have fine print giving them rights to anything printed on their site. I realize young, novice writers love to get compliments and that is totally understandable. However the internet is a playground for plagiarists, and there is absolutely nothing you can do to protect your work. A copyright means absolutely nothing when someone 3 thousand miles away from you steals your work and has it published. A copyright is only as good as the lawyer you can afford to hire to defend it. And likely, you can't. NO lawyer would take your case. I stress this here daily. 

People PLEASE remove any work you intend to see published from the internet. Here is someone who has written 156 thousand words and probably already given them away free to someone. It is truly sad. Do not let this happen to you. Keep your work off the internet. Find a real life face to face writers group at a library or bookstore. Find a mentor. Sign up for a class. But how can you possibly prevent everyone on the internet from ripping you off? You can't. This work, no matter how good it is, will probably be rejected by every publisher in America because it is online. Take the stuff down please. Pax - C

Answer 2

Guitarpicker56 is absolutely correct. I liked the examples that were given. Yes, you do have promise as a writer, but you need to bone up on your dialogue, your punctuations, and not put descriptive data in with the dialogue. I think Guitarpicker56 has given you the best critique you can get.

Geminidiva4eva is also on the mark, but showed more of a harsher critique. That's NOT A BAD thing though. This is what you need to see as a writer.

Your teacher may think that it's good enough to get published, but I think he/she was paying you a bit of lip service, which does neither you nor your writing any good. Don't blame the teacher though. Many of our teachers, relatives, and friends do that just to keep our feelings in tact. That's NOT A GOOD thing.

Get yourself a book on dialogue, and one on writing in general. Study it well. It's best to buy these books so you can yellow marker the places that are important.

Guitarpicker56 and Geminidiva4eva, both of you have done this person justice. Great advice.

Softballcutie, you have some great potential there. Take the advice and learn the trade. You have lots of time and it will be well worth that time.

I wish you well,

PJ M

Answer 3

The story is seriously choppy and the sentence/paragraph structure is really unappealing. Why is there dialouge without indentation? Why is dialouge present every other sentence? The characters lack serious complexity and your descriptions are too vague.

It's not good enough to be published. Don't let that discourage you, though. You just need to keep on polishing your skills.

Answer 4

i'm not an expert or anything, but I thought it was OK. Good enough to get published, however. No way.
I'm only 14, too! I am a writer, too! Ok sorry about my above comment. It was really harsh. I'm in a bad mood.
It's good. You have talent! I would love to swap stories, because I write, as well!

Answer 5

Your story and its writing shows promise. I recommend that you find the Writer's Digest Grammar Desk Reference because your punctuation is inconsistent.

For example, you use dialogue, but fail to put a comma before the ending quote when you give a tag.

Example: "You know, you really ought to take a nap or something. You look awful." she said honestly.

Rewrite the above sentence as: "You know, you really ought to take a nap or something. You look awful," she said. (Avoid adverbs in tag lines such as honestly, hopefully, consistently, eagerly, etc.)


"You are so crazed right now, you don't even realize that today is Friday." she reminded him.

Write as: " . . . today is Friday," she reminded him.

In other examples, when ending a dialogue sentence with a question mark or an exclamation point, and ending with a tag, you shouldn't begin the tag with a non-capitalized word.

Example: "Why do I even bother?" she declared, and Scott could hear her kicking his belongings to the side.

Here, you should have written it as: "Why do I even bother?," she huffed as she kicked her belongings to the side. (Avoid 'Scott could hear' or 'she could see.' Simply rephrase it.)

Words such as notice, noticed, saw, looked, I could see, I knew, I recall or remember, and similar verbs that overstep their boundaries are called "Intruder" words. Instead of writing, "He saw a glorious sunset" consider: "The sunset was glorious as the reds merged into darkness."

Last comment: Use only one exclamation point or one question mark at the end of a sentence. Never use more than one.

I trust this critique is useful.

Answer 6

well i only read like the first 5 paragraphs and i think that its good. i didnt really get the point of the story. like i didnt know where the situation was leading 2.

Answer 7

I think it is well written...your teacher is right. Best wishes for a bright future.