My husband hasn't worked in 5 months and we are barely scraping by. I work and go to college fulltime, while he does neither. He sits at home and plays computer games and watched DVDs all day long, then expect fast food every day. When I get upset about finances, he feels bad and applies to 1 or 2 crappy, minimum wage jobs like fast food and retail, then goes back into his patterns. He's very sensitive and if I bring it up, he gets really upset. What can I do? I feel like screaming at him to get off his lazy butt almost every day...I love him, but I am so frustrated.
2007-09-01 14:37:49 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Give him a choice. Either he get a job and contribute or he gets out. I know you love him, but if he loves you he will try to make himself and your marriage better. If not, good riddance! Give him 30 days to have gainful employment or a new place to live. Tell him he has to keep whatever job he gets and can only quit if he has already been hired elsewhere.
Take away his toys and games. He can't sit around amusing himself all day if all his amusements are gone! Take the things over to a relatives house and let him have them back only when he has worked for two weeks straight.
Let him whine and cry. He's not sensitive, he is immature, irresponsible and manipulating you.
I was once married to a guy just like that. He was so lazy and irresponsible, it made me sick! It took years of being broke and borrowing from his parents before I finally realized what a loser he was! Take care of this NOW, before you have kids you can't afford.
2007-09-01 14:46:13 · answer #1 · answered by Melanie J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, you compensate the computer (since he plays video games) and put it somewhere (have a friend or relative hold it for the time being until the situation improves but don't tell him where you hid it). If he wants to use the computer, he'd have to go to the library every day.
Next, you compensate the DVD player (once again have a friend or family hold it)
Since you are supporting both of you and he doesn't do anything to help out like, even do some chores around the house, you have the power to control.
Also, don't give him any allowance and if he wants fast food, he'd have to get it himself and he'd have to find money somewhere to buy his junk food. If you have joint bank accounts, take your money out and open up a new bank account and don't give him your pass code from now on.
These tips will help him start doing something.
2007-09-01 22:02:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The last sentence says it all. " I Love him but". Write down on paper all the things you love about him. Now look at your question. "How do I get my husband motivated".
Would you believe YOU CAN'T. Only he can. Is he depressed? Lack of motivation is one of the symptoms of depression. You can ask him to get an evaluation. If he is just lazy and wants to live off of you. Then you have to let him know that is not an option. You are tired of supporting him. If he wants to continue to live like that it will have to be with someone else. You have had it.
2007-09-01 21:55:51 · answer #3 · answered by Tetonka 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take the CPU, DVD player and TV out of the house and hide them. Tell him to find his own dinner, those who don't work will not eat. You could buy him some bologna and bread and tell him enjoy. You can have take out before you get home.
Tell him that stuff is staying out of the house, until he gets a good job and keeps it and bologna is the menu until such a time as he is employed
You see, you do have more say than you realize.
2007-09-01 21:49:44 · answer #4 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Which part of the bum do you love? The part that is lazy? The part that is taking advantage of you? The part that you can't communicate with or is overly sensitive to you concerns? The part that can't even put a meal on the table for you?
2007-09-02 00:36:34 · answer #5 · answered by Sondra 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My wife did the same thing for the past three months and it landed me in the mental hospital (I have been diagnosed with depression prior to this). She still hasn't changed much. I'm not sure what to do. Part of me wants to stay, but part of me wants to burn the bridge and move on with my life.
2007-09-01 21:51:23 · answer #6 · answered by sdenison1983 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is unacceptable behavior. I am so disgusted by man who don't know the meaning of hard work and I am grateful I have a husband who does and who works hard every day of the week.
2007-09-01 21:44:04 · answer #7 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This bum you want to be with for a long time? I thought anyone that went or is going to college has a brain. Darn, wrong again!
2007-09-01 22:38:48 · answer #8 · answered by reinformer 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time for the screaming at him to get off his lazy butt..
Sell his Game system to us so he cant play games anymore.
2007-09-01 21:43:32 · answer #9 · answered by nelppik 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I believe he's giving you a guilt trip honey. It's time to have a serious talk and tell him things are going to have to change and soon.
2007-09-01 21:51:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋