me and my wife have been together for 3 yrs (married for 10 months), and have a 2 yr old daughter. two weeks ago, she told me that she loves me, but isn't in love with me anymore. she said that she doesn't want a divorce, but just some time to think. she said it was because i would never go out with her anywhere, because she wanted to go out and drink. i wouldn't go. i realize that i was very selfish by not going out with her. i miss her and my child dearly. i want to talk to her about it, but she says that there is nothing to talk about.
when we talk, sometimes she is very sweet, and other times she is very cold towards me. i don't know what to do. i don't want to lose her. i want to give her sometime, because i want us to be a family again. but this is killing me. i don't know if i should hold out hope that we will get back together, or give up.
PLEASE HELP ME...
2007-09-01 11:51:05 · 19 answers · asked by confused 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's nice to hear that you are genuinely concerned a/b your wife's feelings. If what she wants is to go out, then take her out. A woman ALWAYS loves to be romanced. If they are not getting that from their husband, it frustrates them. Never take advantage of the one you love. Especially if you're married to them. Even though they are as comfortable as you in the relationship does not mean that they don't want to be romanced anymore. Try a date night or something that will keep the relationship going. Good luck.
2007-09-01 11:59:35 · answer #1 · answered by Grapes 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I can't believe that she would want to give up on you just because you don't want to go out with her and drink. Is that all she wants to do? I am glad that you stuck to your guns by not wanting to go out so you can just drink. Being married isn't all about drinking and getting drunk. You can always take her places like a movie, get a sitter so the two of you can go out to dinner, or even take a walk together. Take her out for a drive on a nice day. Buy her some flowers once in a while to show her you love her.
She is unreasonable. She is paying you back for not taking her places, so she says she is not in love with you. She is using that against you, which is totally wrong. The truth is, she is not being the wife that she should be. Instead, she is acting like a child. She needs to stop the neglect and start acting like a wife and mother.
You need to sit with her and tell her that you want things to change. Let her know that there are other ways to spend time together as a family. Let her know that you now know what to do to spend time with her and your 2 year old. She needs to apologize to you too.
The only thing I can help you with is that you need to show your wife, respect, love, and appreciation. The same with her too. I would consider you both reading "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" and "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage."
Marriage is two people working out their problems, not doing it alone. It is taking vows seriously, not playing games with one another. Marriage is a contract that should not be broken. Marriage is being a team.
2007-09-01 19:11:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give her some time to think!
It sounds like she is having second thoughts about your marriage. If you don't mind me asking, did you get married because of your daughter? If she didn't marry you for the right reasons, it would be easy for her to "fall out of love" with you. The reason you gave is not a valid reason (in itself) to fall out of love. There has to be a deeper reason!
After she has had some time to think, sit down together and decide what how to proceed. Maybe get some counseling.
However, don't let her string this out forever! This decision affects your life, and your daughter's life, too! You should not pin your hapiness to someone who cannot make a real commitment. I know you would like to keep your family together but if either of you are unhappy in this marriage, it might be better in the long run for your family, if you two were not together.
Final analysis: Give her some time and then get some help. Ten months is too soon to be having these kind of problems and no one on here is TRULY qualified to help you!
2007-09-01 19:05:24 · answer #3 · answered by Matt 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
when i had pre-marital counseling, the counselor told us that separation rarely works. instead it helps the spouse get used to the idea of being single again. think about it, your wife is learning to adjust to being a single mom, being alone, and having the freedom to come & go as she pleases.
get this back on track...now! try these things. don't do them all at once, spread them out, maybe one thing a week so that she sees that are you are creating a new pattern. you don't want it to seem like you are just throwing all of your power into one grand gesture.
week 1) send flowers with an intriguing note. sign it with your name so there is no confusion (she may be dating, you never know). hint at an arranged rendevouz for saturday night. tell her to wear a nice dress (if you have a favorite in mind, mention it specifically). before sending the flowers, arrange for someone to baby-sit your child saturday night. have that taken care of so your wife only has to show up looking great. plan a romantic dinner & a play or concert or art show.
week 2) sign up for iomoi.com email stationary. send her one of the invitation format emails. fill in the time, date, place, and event along with when to rsvp to your email address or phone #. plan a fun night out bowling, golfing, etc. studies have shown that couples must do new things together to recreate the tingly feeling of new love. why? the adrenaline rush of doing something new mimicks the adrenaline rush of new love. when you experience the adrenaline rush with someone, your brain connects the rush & the person. consider indoor rock climbing, hot air balloons, etc.
week 3) invite her to do something else.
realize that she can decline any of your offers. stay consistent and still invite her to do something with you once a week. you should have a plan in mind, don't just say, "let's do something this weekend." you should have some concrete plans and ideas in place to show that you have put in effort.
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2007-09-01 20:20:34 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you wife is trying to find herself. I think when she asked you to do things with her you should if it does not go against you believes. I believe it takes two to make a marriage work and two to mess it up. The bottom line you can only take responsibility for you part and let her take responsibility for her part. You can make a person love you because I love is a choice. And you make that choice in the ruff times. I know that you love your family. I pray that everything works out the way you want it to. If not remember you still have everything a head of you, I am praying for you.
2007-09-01 19:04:16 · answer #5 · answered by lovesGod 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all-i am sorry you are going through this-Second of all WHAT? It is not selfish of you that you did not go out with her drinking-do not put that on yourself-someone obviously had to stay home and be a parent. That person was you I assume. Let her go-get full custody of the kid-if you want it-sounds like she needs to grow up. There are plenty of WOMEN out there that would love to have a guy who prefers to stay home than going out-trust me you should split before your little girl gets hurt by everything.
2007-09-01 19:05:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly sir, I feel that it's important to take three simple steps in this situation all of which lead to one very healthy outcome. First, roll up your left sleeve. Second, raise your left hand to ear level. And finally, swing that hand down like you're your own drunken father hitting you in a fit of rage placing special care to hit your wedding band against the lil ladies head. The outcome to all of this, you smacked a *****. It worked for pimps in the past and rednecks of the present. Just remember, when in doubt, smack a ***** out.
2007-09-01 19:05:45 · answer #7 · answered by Dr. McLovin 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
give her all the time and space she is asking for. but dont stop living. it sounds to me that she has found someone else and is testing the waters to see if its real or not. dont be her fool continue to live. and get a life if you dont have one already. dont sit around crying and wondering if she is coming back she is not doing the same for you. there is no such thing as time alone when you are married. its called for better or worse. she is full of it. GodBless
2007-09-01 19:09:00 · answer #8 · answered by Crystal G 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She is either done with you or desperately crying out for attention. Don't let her string you along. Force her to make her decision. She either wants to be with you or she doesn't, there is no in between, especially when you are the person in question. Life is too short for you to wait for her to soul search, or whatever. She should have done this before she got married.
2007-09-01 20:13:44 · answer #9 · answered by νí®τǘø§ ωǿмåņ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My daughter's father said the samething to me. He says he loved me but not in love. When he said that I knew our marriage was over. Why be with someone if the love is gone? You deserve better than that. Move on and let her go. She's the one who is a coward to even say that to you and very hurtful.
2007-09-01 19:05:00 · answer #10 · answered by conny 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋