How do i explain to my son that i don't approve of interracial relationships?

Question

My son is 21 years old, and is currently dating a 28 year old black woman, now before i say this, i am not trying purposely to upset anyone with my beliefs, but i don't approve of interracial relationships with black people, i had one myself when i was younger, and her father beat me to death for going out with a "colored" woman back in those days, now his girlfriend is the textbook definition of a "ghetto" black girl her name is ambrosia, and she has fake hair, and swears all the time, and whenever she comes over to dinner she is very disrespectfull, loud, rude, and obnoxious, now i'm not saying white people aren't because every race is, but i just don't approve of it, i wouldn't mind any other race, but i just can't take it, how do i tell my son, that he should look else where, or atleast change the caliber of woman he is with, also he thinks he's black too, and that has been aproblem for the last 8 years.

Answer 1

just tell him that you are a close-minded bigot

Answer 2

At 21, this point is pretty much an invitation to a fight and a confirmation to him that he's going to do the exact opposite of what you want. Do you have any black friends? If not why not? Get to know other aspects of the black community other than the "ghetto" versions of the above mentioned. He may never see black dating as you see it and you will except that. The need for him to view life through your eyes is a mundane point. People choose what they want to do with their life and it is their choice. He may learn this "ghetto" type is something he doesn't want in his life anymore and at that point he'll change that and not a moment sooner. Just like you chose not to seek out another "interracial" relationship that didn't result in you getting in trouble so many years ago he will either choose to keep this woman in his life or not it is his choice, and it will always be.

Answer 3

'i had one myself when i was younger, and her father beat me to death for going out with a "colored" woman back in those days'

Well, I guess you need to adopt the karma philosophy, because if no one puts in some positive, there won't be any. Take a healing attitude because everyone is less than perfect, especially damaged goods like you with bad past experience. Give it some time and your son shall become damaged goods too unless things work out and up, only time will tell, but if you screw it up for him, guess who's the A' hole. We learn from experience and there's no way around that.

Is it not a positive thought that all the races could breed into one, that would leave religion and ideology to worry about.

The Will is positive, the Judgment is negative.

Answer 4

Lol. Addressing your question, just bluntly say it, dancing around and hinting at it doesn't do any good.

Now to your situation. Your son is his own man, free to make all of his own decisions. Even if you tell him you don't approve, he still can and might continue the relation and even marry.

Now I would like you to reconsider your opinion on this situation. Why do you not want him to have a relation with her? If it because it isn't best for him? In which case he would know and act accordingly. Or is it because YOU don't want him to for YOU? Is it right to make your son have relations only that make you happy? Or should they make him happy?

"Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you they belong not to you."
(Khalil Gibran)

Answer 5

Unfortunately, since your son is an adult, you can't pick his partners for him. If you approach your son with a conversation about his current girlfriend, I'd let him know that you don't approve of her for her behavior. Whether she was white, black, mexican, or whatnot, it sounds like she is disrespectful and rude. If you turn it into a conversation on her race, he'll immediately close his ears to what you're saying. But if you discuss with him that you dislike her behavior while in your prescence -- making sure to leave out comments that will show you are attributing her behavior to her race -- than he may take your words into consideration.

But remember that no matter what you say, your son will probably do as he pleases. He may take your opinion to heart, he may not. Since he is 21, it is his choice. If you create a big ordeal out of it, he may continue to date her out of spite. If you let it die its own natural death, I'm sure he'll grow tired of this disrespectful person on his own and move on to someone new.

Answer 6

Well if your against this so much..it looks like you dont even have to tell your son.A white girl or a girl of any other race or religion or whatever could be just as rude as this chick your talking about.Just tell your son she is rude and all that other stuff you said and say you dont aprove of her.But it is true that your son is 22 and he is allowed to make his own descisions.And just in case you think this answer is any good i am going to spoil it with my age.Im 13.

Answer 7

Your disapproval is irrelevant. Your personal opinions and biases belong to you. Not to her and not to him.

I would lighten up and stop trying to control your son's life. You risk damaging your relationship with him for life if you continue along this path. He is not a man if mother is choosing his partners and marriage prospects. He is not an adult if mother has to approve of his actions in this world. And frankly, he'll will likely blame you in the end if you persist. He must learn that he is responsible for his choices.

If he caves to your efforts to control him, he will grow to resent you and all the work that you did as a parent will go down the drain.

Set limits. If you dislike her, you can still ask that she not come to your home. If you feel she treats him badly, you can tell them both you don't allow anyone who treats others badly into your home.

Answer 8

I am not black, but you are suggesting that the fact that she swears and is disrespectful, loud, rude and obnoxious is due to her being black; it's one of the first things you mention. I don't know whether you swear or whether you're loud, but "Obnoxious" and "disrespectful", the other two words you use, apply to you, possibly more to you than to your son's girlfriend. He is over 18 and is old enough to make his own decisions. I feel very sorry for him for having a racist bigot for a parent, and yes, you ARE trying purposely to upset anyone with your beliefs; mainly your long-suffering son, but also every black person who reads this. I don't know you, but I do know that don't like you.

Answer 9

I would say, if you are going to disaprove of his girlfriend, then do it for a reason that actually matters, not race. Being rude, swearing and many of the other things you mentioned are real reasons, not something stupid like the fact that she is black. White people aren't any better than black people.

Answer 10

Zowie. Well since your son is 21 he is considered a man. And as parents it's always hard for us to see our kids who are now adults make, what we perceive to be mistakes. But that is what life is all about. It's not your responsibility any more so don't feel guilty about what your son did or didn't do since he is a man and chose to act the way he did.

For myself it would not matter what race she is. My only hope is that my sons and daughter pick wives and a husband that respect themselves and others too. And would not behave in an unseemly manner in both public and private life.

You'd be surprised how many white kids think they are black listening to all the hip hop or rap music these days. I mean we just had a President who considered himself non white. Go figure.

Answer 11

He's just a boy still and he's trying to express his individuality. He'll get over it or he won't. There's nothing you can do to make him or his girlfriend behave. I suggest that you not press the issue or you will drive him right to the altar. My daughter was dating a guy with a shaved head, a pierced eyebrow, who wore a spiked dog collar...I thought I was going to die every time she said she wanted to marry him but we bit our tongues and thankfully the relationship ended. Remember...time answers all questions...it solves all problems as well.

Also, don't let these little crappers that have answered your question make you feel guilty about thinking as you do. He's your son and you have a right to feel any way you want to.