Every time I feel this way
Something bad has happened
I’m tired of these cliché’ lyrics
Those words written about “love”
No one cares, all blank stares
Like a thousand stars looking down
Like they want something from me
But I can’t provide for these stars
Instead I lie in self pity
Behind the stories I was told
Behind the words they sing
Behind the melody
Behind the bass
Wearing my broken heart
On my sleeve
Allowing me to bleed for all to see
Its not the same, its never the same
You live
Or you die
No one lives forever
No one will last
The end is here
Embrace it
Those smiles are shallow
Those clothes are fake
You don’t see Real Pain
You see the world threw shattered glass
It’s not all Smiles and Kisses
Wait until he’s gone
I’m not always going to be the shoulder
I need, I want, I am, but I am not as well
2007-09-01 11:02:13 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Anyone who got a thumbs down (first 3 answers) Im sorry, that wasnt me
2007-09-01 13:19:41 · update #1
i think that u express urself well and as for the jack *** up ther i also am published and i think it is a wonderful poem i think u show alot about u in this poem i also believe that u have a talent and to write a poem about how u feel and put it infront of people to give u some critisism is a very brave thing to do a star for ur poem i loved it keep going and good luck :)
2007-09-05 07:35:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Twilight nailed you to the floor on that one, and she's right all the way. I have 3 full books published, and that doesn't happen if you are a dummy. I have seen you post and ask for help, but it all seems to go in one ear and out the other. Pay attention to the critics, and ignore the ones who feed your ego with how great it is. After 3 books, I still write some really awful stuff, but I don't ask someone else what is wrong with it, I already pretty much know. Sometimes a different perspective can suggest something to help it out, and sometimes that help would change the meaning of a part of the piece. And sometimes there is no help except to wad it up and throw it out with yesterday's newspaper... That's a cliche', by the way.
2007-09-01 13:07:45 · answer #2 · answered by Dondi 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
It has almost no direction... Just random babbling of what's wrong, what's bad, what's harsh, what's mean, what's blah blah blah... I don't like it...
I mean for 2 thing, some parts make little to no sense. Like, "Allowing me to bleed for all to see"...? What's up that?? Your 'broken heart' is 'allowing' you to bleed? And "...for all to see"?? Yeah... Okay...
And just what do you mean by, "Those smiles are shallow those cloths are fake..."?? 'Cause I don't get how cloths can be fake unless your homeless... In which case you shouldn't be talkin' like that or about that. And did you ever think that maybe some people aren't as...'weak' as you are? That maybe some people are actually optimistic in someways? So they can smile all the same...?
And plus, you don't know everyone's life like you apparently yours. So what's to say that someone who smiles 'n actually sees the good in life, the bright side 'n doesn't stay in the dark or in depression, hasn't had something bad happen to them!?
Plus, you start out with 1 thing, then go to another, then another, then another... Read your poem. Find out what I'm talking about. The stars, behinde this 'n that, your heart, people's lives... It's all a bunch of BS in my opinion...
Like I haven't heard or read this before... 'n like I said at the beginning, no direction... 'n talk about being a hater, eh?
2007-09-01 12:15:20 · answer #3 · answered by Twili 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
remarkable try Harmit. i will supply 3 out of five stars for it. although i need to open dictionary to comprehend all those dificult words coated. I want poems that are candy and easy. I fairly loved the final 2 stanzas. I lost the texture of the poem interior the attempt to hunt the meanings of the words :(
2016-10-03 11:55:23 · answer #4 · answered by merkl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This collection of words contains a lot of cliches. You need to work on creating original imagery to convey your emotions and meanings.
2007-09-05 04:23:46 · answer #5 · answered by margot 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cleverly put together, very meaningful and thought-provoking. You have a talent; don't let it pass you by.
2007-09-01 11:24:01 · answer #6 · answered by interesting 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I have a question for you, have you been reading my life story? I feel like this is about me but I know it isnt I like it please keep on writing like these
2007-09-01 11:19:11 · answer #7 · answered by mising her 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
awesome dude
i love it
these guys are assholes
especially the one who thinks
he's so great
cocky ****
whatever
the poem rocks
:DDDDD
*extra smiles*
haha
2007-09-01 13:41:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
I could not possibly criticize something so real and true! keep writing!
2007-09-01 11:10:56 · answer #9 · answered by baby_rach_21 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
If I can't feel it, I don't like it...and I can't feel it.
2007-09-01 15:52:08 · answer #10 · answered by DeborahDel 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋