Single Parenthood?

Question

Why do we have more single mothers than single fathers? It takes two to have unprotected sex. Why are more fathers inactive/absent parents than mothers?

Out of curiosity, all the answers that indicate the law unfairly giving full custody to the woman--are you assuming that women would prefer to raise a child alone, rather than having a father to share responsiblities with? Or are we simply evil-spirited individuals who want to deprive men from their children, hence taking on the burden? Or are you assuming that women do all this to get money (child support), in which case, single mothers wouldn't be working and go to school, or go through serious financial difficulties. And why are judges (majority of which is male) would without a reason give the child away to the mother, full-time?

Thanks

Answer 1

Physical custody of children is usually given to the person who assumed the role of primary caregiver all along. It's just that simple: no conspiracy theorists need apply.

It isn't necessarily a bad thing if children are "born out of wedlock" either: far more Scandinavian kids are born to nonmarried couples; the government has taken active steps to encourage daddy to stick around. These children have no such correlation with drug use, crime, etc. because society doesn't permit its citizenry to become that desperate. It appears these governments would rather invest early in their citizenry in terms of subsidised daycare, paternity leave, and a host of other social programmes as opposed to paying for these kids later...when they land in the criminal justice system.
Also, there is no social stigma associated with being "born out of wedlock" as there is in the USA.

How I HATE that judgemental, intolerant, prejudiced, gawdawful term "born out of wedlock".

Answer 2

That is an excellent question. I suspect that it has something to do with the fact that that female actually caries the baby in her body which creates a more emotional bond that the male would ever experience.
I'm not saying all fathers don't have bonds. In a loving relationship where the child is wanted, I'm sure the fathers bond is as strong as the mothers. But for instance, in the case of a one night stand or a quick fling. The 'father' can walk away, never really having a bond, whereas the mother, once she decides to keep the baby, then goes through nine months of a child growing inside of her and will inevitably bond with the child. Even if she was ambivalent about it in the first place.

Answer 3

OK I will agree that Fathers have a harder time getting custody of their Children even when it's proven that the Mother is unfit. I don't have any stats for this but I will past this question to a Single Father who can answer this from HIS point

Sometimes a Woman at a weak point in her life makes a HUGE MISTAKE. and has a Baby. the Father wants the mom to abort. mother listens to father and then says NO. mom knows her Child needs BOTH parents but the father in THIS ONE CASE. does not want the child. so mother wants to give her child to a Christian Family. but in the meantime she becaomes a Christian and IN HER CASE ONLY!!!!! she knows right at that moment she will keep her child. she has a Daughter who turns out to be the best gift in the world to this mother. she has the LOVE she has always wanted. so THIS ONE CASE so far is turning out good.

Now as for child support I have not asked him for ONE dime EVER. I am raising her on my own. I know a few people here will not believe me. but I can't help that. all of it is true.

As why there are not a lot of single fathers. again the courts give the child to the mother and the father who wants the child has to fight in court sometimes for years just to see the child. is it fair NO!!! what can be done to help fathers? we need to educate people on the need for fathers to be in the life of the child. and try and get the people to understand that most fathers want a chance to be in their child's life. ok sorry to is long. I know i really didn't answer the question. but I will send this to a single father and let him answer this God Bless

Answer 4

I've met men who say they miss their kids but they left the state or country as soon as the divorce was discussed, so their wives ended up being the primary caretaker. They pay for their kids schooling and resent every cent. I suggested to a couple of men that they ask for custody so they didn't have to pay any money to their ex-wives since they hated it so much, but they said they were too busy with work. Uh huh. These are the guys I hear whining the most.

I've met a few women who've given up custody of their children to their husbands, since they felt they were too messed up to be a good parent (they were an alcoholic and their ex was not). I've also met a few men who have custody of their kids since their wives didn't want custody.

I've also met quite a few men and women who work out shared custody of their kids and do a great job sharing responsibilities for their children.

I've met lots of women who have custody of their kids, some get child support, some don't. But the majority wish their ex's were involved in their children's lives, since it hurts the children when the ex lets down the kids and don't show up when they've promised they would.

Most of the divorced parents I've met have had their wishes respected by the courts, I'm sure there are judges that are unfair to men, but I'm also sure there are judges that are unfair to women as well. If anything, if judges are giving preference to one gender over another, then it's the judges who are being sexist, and guess who usually appoints judges? Usually politicians, who are usually men in this country. Maybe if more men voted for non sexist politicians, there would be less sexist judgements being made...Maybe voting in the family values types are not good for men after all.

Answer 5

You're going to get a lot of answers about how hard men try to get custody of their children, and how the system is stacked against them, and wah, wah, wah. Well, the legal system has been operating for a very long time, and I'm sure it can't always be wrong. Some men should be the primary parents, and should have that opportunity. If their cases were solid--given that the judicial system is made up of men--they would win their hard-fought battles. But no, it's women's fault, and it's a "misandrist" system that is preventing these men from being with their kids. For the most part, I say bullshit. Men walk away very easily from their children because they can. And there are more single mothers in poorer areas--in inner cities, it's an epidemic. Babies are being produced and left with mothers who themselves are often incapable of handling children. And contrary to what these men will tell you, my social worker friends will say that it is 99% single mothers, most of them poor, most of them left by the fathers of their children. In fact, single fatherhood is so unusual that a couple of years back, People magazine did a profile on "amazing people"--one of them a young single father. I wondered, hey--what about the millions of single mothers out there? Profile one father, turn him into a hero, talk about all he has to sacrifice for his kids, and at the same time, slap all the women who've been doing it for years in the face. Whatever...facts are facts and stats are stats. Go to StatsCan or the American equivalent, and you will see who is, in fact, raising the kids. It's not men. And for the ones who have the will and ability to fight for custody, good on you--you should be able to have those kids if they're better off with you. Bear in mind that those children are NOT single-parent children. They have two parents, and one has custody. It's not a case of the kids not knowing their fathers, since these men are involved somehow. But do not deny that most of the single mothers--true single parents--are there because they and their children were left by men who clearly had no sense of responsibility for those lives.

Answer 6

It's a very simple question.

Mommy wants custody of the kids, but daddy also wants them.

Judge gives child custody to mommy.

Mommy is now a single mother.

She receives a paycheck from the daddy every month to help her pay for the kid's stuff.

Since she doesn't have anyone to provider for her, she has to raise the kid and work at the same time, making it very difficult.

EDIT:
Sometimes it IS the case. And sometimes, it's just not possible. eg: they live too far away from each other.
You know, after a divorce, they're not exactly ''friends''. And sometimes, they just don't want to share. So it can also be the man's fault. Say the judge wants to give them partial custody, but the man wants full custody or nothing, then he'll give them to the woman.

Answer 7

I know just what you mean! I think that there are more women taking the responsibility because men don't really care about the child as much. They want to be there just for the moment but the second that the woman gets pregnant they get scarred. That's what happened to me.

Answer 8

I'm actually seeing more and more single dads nowadays. My boyfriend is one of them. The courts use to give custody to the mother unless she is unfit, but now they are trying more and more to do joint and/or shared parenting. There are also just a lot of deadbeat dads out there.

Answer 9

Because women carry the baby and have more of a connection emotionally and physically. And men think it's a "woman's job" to care for children most of the time.

Answer 10

You do realize that there are evolved differences in the ultimate behavior of men and women in child care/raising? Be grateful that we are the ape that has the greatest male investment in children and the ape that has ever sharpening institutions and a expanding moral circle.