Ideas on how to broach a very touchy subject?

Question

I believe my wife might be having hormonal imbalances or depression. Without going into excessive detail...we have extremely busy, stressful lives, two young kids, and she is stuck at home while I work. I do my best to take care of the kids & housework on evenings/weekends, but she has been feeling unfulfilled. I don't think our situation explains the loss of sex drive and mood swings, which can be pretty drastic. I brought up that she might be depressed and she really got furious. She said she wasn't a psycho (which I never said she was) and that I was trying to blame her for the lack of sex in our marriage. I really think that hormone replacement might be the answer, these problems started when she got pregnant with our son (now 1 year old), but she might never seek treatment and divorce is looming on the horizon. I need a woman's view please!!!

Answer 1

This sounds so much like my marriage and my life that it's kinda scary! I am a stay at home mom and my husband works and goes to school, both full-time. I have often felt unfullfilled and depressed. It's hard to go from a very social single life to a life that is all about diapers and sippy cups. I stopped working and that was hard. It actually caused a lot of problems in my marriage too. So, when I had had enough I went to see my doctor about it and she told me I was suffering from postpartum depression and that it can linger for years in a woman if it goes untreated. I didn't want to take medication for it so I went into therapy. It really helps to talk to someone about things. It doesn't mean you're psycho, all it means is that you are in over your head and need help sorting out all the details. Also, my husband and I started couples counseling, it has really saved our marriage. We go once a week and I don't think we would have made it without counseling. If you decide to go to counseling, my rule is, if you don't feel the couselor is helping your situation within 3 sessions, move on and find another couselor. Maybe if you start going you'll find it easier to communicate what your concerns are about. It's a hard place that your wife is in right now. As we go through life our roles change, and everytime our role changes there is an adjustment period and sometimes that period of adjustment can take years. I don't think your wife needs hormone replacement. This has nothing to do with hormones and everything to do with emotions. It's a tough place to be and I have a lot of empathy for your situation. Just be patient with her and exhaust ALL your options before you turn to divorce. Your children deserves a family that will fight for each other. Take every opportunity to thank her for what she does, tell her she's the best mother you could have hoped for for your children, bring her flowers. She might feel unimportant. All I can say is this takes a lot of work and devotion. I don't think a lot of couples know how to fight for each other and turn to divorce too quickly. Nobody said life was easy!!!

Answer 2

Are you my husband? Just kidding. Sorry to say this is normal and I do think that it is common with mothers with young children. I went to the doctor and was given several suggestions (exercise, diet and a prescription for Zoloft). There are many different types of drugs that you don't have to take monthly just went the hormones rise for 7-14 days. If she is not willing to seek treatment... diet and exercise may be the answer. Exercise elevates the mood and sex drive. If she is tired after a long day with the kids, all she is going to want to do is 'veg out' and rest. You will have to be the motivating factor at least in the beginning. Get her outside and walking. I was told at a parenting class that you should have a date night (weekly or monthly). Have someone watch your kids and take her out... Be sensitive to the fact that she is more fragile right now and treat her as such. Later she will look back and say sorry... but not until she gets out of the fog.

Answer 3

Just because your sex life is in a rut does not mean your wife is depressed, or hormonal. [ it CAN, but not necessarily. ]
All marraiges have cycles, which is also normal.
1] offer her time alone - can she go out with friends, to the gym, to the mall one or two nights a week?
2] offer to take a class together - something she always wanted to do; or exercise together
3] make a date together for every fri or sat night - eat dinner, go to a movie, go to the park and talk - no discussing kids, money, or any other problems - it's a DATE!
4] buy her a day of beauty - spa treatments, or day at the mall, etc.
5] Are you finishing actual chores, or just 'helping'? Don't just 'pick up' or load the dishwasher - scrub the bathroom, vacuum, scrub the kitchen floor. Get the kids to help, so they get used to the idea.
6] Tell her something positive about herself every day - she IS important, she needs to be acknowledged.
Do hugs, kisses, backrubs, without expecting sex - just because you love her.
Good luck.
PS: if things don't start improving with positive behavior, maybe talk to your family pastor, or a counselor.

Answer 4

I have been going thru the same thing as you wife. Mine started when I quit my job that I really enjoyed to be home with the kids about 2 months ago I put my boyfriend thru alot.I was totally depressed feeling isolated from the world.It got to the point he finally came out and told me We all love you and hate seeing you this way you have to find something that makes you happy so I decided to go back to my job.Just be open minded and talk to her about her feelings and what makes her happy and tell her to go for what makes her happy and be open about your feelings.Let her know the way she is acting is not the real her and you understand she is not happy.She will snap out of it soon. Good Luck!