Its for a girl I like I wrote it and wanted to see how it was before I gave it to her any kind of input is nice tell me even if it sucks
When my eyes layed on you I liked
After that every time I saw you I was syked
When I first talked to you I loved
Everytime I talk to you my heart is buzzed
You gave me a chance
I fell in love like I was in france
No girl ever did that for me
And I knew you were the girl to be
You got me lookin
Like I’m on riddlin
You got me lookin here and there
Trying to forget you I look everywhere
But my eyes are only for you
Because you are my first true
Your nickname was the name I liked
Like the big mountain I hiked
Your real name is the name I love
Just like the white doves
Got me thinking I’m the king of the world
And you the queen of my world
Being with you makes me happy
Like how this poem sounds sappy
It don’t matter who you happy with
You could make me jump out an abyss
Your smile brightens my world
It makes my frown start to curl
Your sadness
2007-09-01 06:23:56 · 4 answers · asked by tamiyastar 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
i never wrote poetry or anything like that so like rules of poetry would be nice
2007-09-01 07:26:19 · update #1
If you want to impress the girl you like, here are some tips:
1. Keep it short...anything worth saying can be done in a few words if you do it right.
2. Try to avoid rhymed couplets (two consecutive lines that rhyme), it makes your "poem" sound "rhymy" and almost childish or cheap...not the image you want to convey.
3. Don't force the rhyme. Better to have poetic voice that doesn't rhyme than to force a word into a line just so it fits. Poems do NOT have to rhyme in order to be poems.
Any girl/woman would be happy to get a poem from a guy. But if it sounds "dumb", they'll think..."great, here I finally get someone who wants to write me a poem, and what do I get? the inside of a comic birthday card."
For instance, compare these two four-line examples.
You gave me a chance
I fell in love like I was in france
No girl ever did that for me
And I knew you were the girl to be
or
Your smile is the sun that brightens my day
And your voice makes my heart flutter
My body's alive when you hold my hand
Each day is empty until you say my name
or even
Your smile is the sun that brightens my day
And your voice makes my heart skip a beat
My body's alive when you hold my hand
You fill up my days and make me complete
Pick out some thoughts from your original poem and write perhaps 8, no more than 12 lines. If you go past that, you'll probably lose it.
good luck, and keep writing
2007-09-01 07:05:29 · answer #1 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Great commendable poem! I like the usage of imagery here. It gives the poema whole new life of its own and brings out the extent of love portrayed in this poem. The hyperbole (exxageration to bring out an effect) is used rather consistently and effectively throughout the poem. Keep practising to further develop that aspect to be more convincing.
Overall, it was a good and engaging read. :)
2007-09-01 23:22:27 · answer #2 · answered by UnspokenShadow 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I honestly think you truly believe you can write poetry. I am a published poet. You have chosen line-endings simply because they rhyme with the end of the previous line. You can't just pluck words out of the air; they have to make sense!
2007-09-01 18:36:59 · answer #3 · answered by interesting 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would make a good rap song.
2007-09-01 13:31:40 · answer #4 · answered by gc27858 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋