My son is in 4th grade. He started school a week 1/2 ago. His school implements a discipline program where if you are disrespectufl or irresponsible you have to pull a colored card. You start off with a green card every day and then it goes, yellow, red, blue, and so on. Each card had different consequences. My son has never had a discipline or behaviour problem in this school. Going into this school year, I had heard this teacher was "tough". My son came home on Monday, then Wednesday and then again on Friday saying he had to pull a card. On all days it was for talking. Friday it was for talking during a test (not cheating) and a friend told on him. My son is devastated and I am already at the end of my rope with this teacher. I know my son isn't perfect and that he shouldn't be talking during class, but my GOSH it's 4th grade. Give the kid a warning!! Now he feels like he's being zeroed in on by this teacher and is very self-concious. How should I handle this? I am very concerned.
2007-09-01 04:43:53 · 11 answers · asked by Dawn M 1 in Education & Reference ➔ Primary & Secondary Education
Well, I would say to disregard the suggestion of telling your son that his teacher is always right...teachers are people. They're human. They're not always right, and he needs to understand that. If he sees all of his teachers in life as "always right", he will never learn that he can't take everything he's told for granted. He needs to learn that it's ok to research what he's told, to see if and why it really is true. People understand things in different ways, and need things explained in different ways. I would never tell my students that I'm always right, I encourage them to dig deeper into what I say.
I would really suggest talking briefly with the teacher, when children aren't around, and explaining to her that your son is misunderstanding the discipline system. It's not about singling him out (though it can feel that way), it's about making him responsible for his own actions. It's sort of the classroom version of cutting your own switch.
Then, have the teacher explain to your son, with you there, that she does not see him as a problem kid; she likes having him in class, and knows that he can learn to curb the talking during class time. Have her explain to him the reason behind the talking rules - even though it might not bother him at all, it can be extremely distracting to some of the other kids in the class, to the point that it can cause them not to learn. A classroom is like a little community, and we all need to respect each other's needs, that sort of thing.
Once he realizes that she isn't upset with him, and that she doesn't see him as a "bad kid", he should feel better about the situation. Once she knows that he is very sensitive about the discipline, she (hopefully) will make it a point to also encourage him on his strengths.
Since it's the beginning of the year, his teacher probably doesn't know him that well yet, and honestly doesn't see the depth of the problem. This is something that she should easily be able to remedy with him, but she needs to know about it early on.
(Be sure to go into this as "he misunderstood your intentions, and I was wondering if you could explain it more fully to him" rather than openly challenging her on the subject. If you challenge her or tell her that she's wrong, she'll most likely get very defensive and it will spiral downward from there.)
Hope that helps!
2007-09-01 05:30:35 · answer #1 · answered by hsmomlovinit 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
There are different ways to approach this, or perhaps different things to do:
1) Talk to your son. Ask him to explain to you the rules of the class. Ask him why he's not able to follow the rules. (He'll probably answer, "I just forget.") Ask him what he can do so that he remembers the rules, so that he won't EVER have to pull another card. Have him come up with as many different ideas as he can before picking which one he thinks would work best. Do NOT suggest something for him. He is far less likely to make an effort and to remember to follow through if you make the suggestions and the decision.
2) Do tell him that the teacher's rules aren't about *him*, but about the rules of the classroom. When you play Monopoly, you have to play by the rules or others are going to be unhappy with you; when you play soccer and don't follow the rules, you get penalties; in school, you have to play by the rules of the classroom or the teacher is going to be unhappy with you.
3) Have a little talk with the teacher, out of hearing of your son, to explain to her how your son is feeling and that he's going to work on following the rules better, but that he's really feeling like he's a bad kid in her eyes. Sometimes teachers aren't aware of the effect they are having on the kids as they are focused on establishing a certain amount of discipline, especially early in the year.
As for giving the child a warning, if you do that in a classroom situation, you end up spending your time in a classroom trying to remember how many of the 20-30 kids you've already warned that day and end up messing up on consequences or giving kids too many warnings. It's ineffective. The consequences were already laid out and he knows about them. THAT is the warning. It's done. The kids know what the rules are and as strict as they may be and as unfair as they may seem or be, the kids have to decide if they are going to play by them or not.
Grade 4 is not too young to be able to do this. Your son KNOWS what will happen. For some reason, part of him is not seeing it as important--maybe he thinks it's a stupid rule or maybe he's used to warnings or maybe he's half-convinced he won't get caught or the teacher won't do anything. Whatever it is, it doesn't change what the rules are and that he's making a decision (consciously or not) to not follow them. He's got to decide what's more important--talking or avoiding pulling that card.
2007-09-01 12:02:37 · answer #2 · answered by glurpy 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I understand your concern. I would have suggested to the teacher that she have a 'grace' period during the first week of school when only warnings were given except for the most severe bad behaviors. But, alas, I am not your son's teacher and neither are you. I think the best you can do at this point is to suggest to your son that when the teacher explained the 'card system' that WAS her warning. If you do not show support for her authority now,(so long as she is not actually being physically or emotionally cruel), it may cause problems later in the year. If you still have concerns after a couple of weeks of adjustment, then by all means talk with her or other school officials.
2007-09-01 11:54:31 · answer #3 · answered by Puzzler 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like the card system has warnings in place, i.e. yellow, blue, ect. There are probably a series of consequences associated with each color.
One thing to keep in mind is at the beginning of the year it is very important for a teacher to establish authority. This basically translates into strict expectations. If the teacher were to ignore a unwanted behavior at the start of the school year, the students will understand that they can get away with talking, ect. You might think it is harmless for your child to talk during class, but for others that chatter can really make it difficult for them to focus.
Perhaps you should talk to the teacher. If it is an escalating behavior, maybe you and your son can make a contract that is in line with the teachers expectation. I think the teacher would respond more to a parent who is interested in addressing the issue instead of saying it is not fair.
2007-09-01 11:57:13 · answer #4 · answered by sarah p 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The teacher isn't your problem.
I'm sorry to say, the problem is your son.
There are always rules that we don't want to follow. He needs to get used to it. Tell him to keep his yap closed while at school. He is there to get a free education, not to talk to friends. Save that for recess or outside of school.
Especially talking during a test! Ha! Get used to that. It doesn't matter if he was cheating or not (which you cannot possible PROVE). It was a test for goodness' sake! It should be obvious not to talk during a frickin' test!
In high school, if you talk during a test, they take it up and you get a zero, whether you were cheating or asking to borrow a pencil. It doesn't make a difference.
Teach your son to follow the rules. Then, if the teacher begins calling him out for not even doing anything, you'll know you've got a situation on your hands.
If you were to go to the principal right now and complain, the principal would say "Well, was your son talking?" "Yes." "Is there a no-talking rule?" "Yes." "Well, then he shouldn't have been talking and the teacher was correct in disciplining him."
The cards were something my elementary school did too.
2007-09-01 13:25:10 · answer #5 · answered by its_victoria08 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Explain to your son that the cards are kind of a warning system. When he has to pull his green card and put up his yellow card, that is his warning. That is the teacher telling him that he is not doing what he/she wants. You should also go down and have a face to face conference with the teacher and you son so that the teacher can explain to you and your son exactly how the system works and help him to understand how to not get so many cards dropped. If you continue to have problems, ask for a conference with the principal. Make sure you son knows that you are aware of the situation and that you have faith and confidence in him so that he always knows that no matter what happens at school he has a safe place (emotionally speaking) to come home to.
2007-09-01 11:53:40 · answer #6 · answered by elcid812 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
This sounds like a situation where you need to let your son deal with the consequences himself. 4th grade is old enough to know the rules, and follow them. If you interfere, it's just going to teach him that the rules don't apply to him, and that his punishment was because his teacher is "tough", and not because he broke the rules. I would ask your son what it was he was talking about. If it was to ask another student for directions he may have missed, explain that a better solution would be to raise his hand, and ask the teacher. If it was just socializing, he needs to realize that isn't going to work in this class. My older son had a "tough" teacher in the 5th grade. If your homework was not handed in when she asked for it, you got a zero - even if it was finished, but just left in your back pack. It seemed harsh at first, but it didn't take long for the kids to realize she meant business.
2007-09-01 11:58:39 · answer #7 · answered by Tiss 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this is a new style of discipline. my son had this last year in kindergarten. he ended up with so much anxiety about it. he broke every yellow crayon in our house and now refuses to wear yellow. 'it's a bad boy color'. his therapist ended up calling the school and suggesting a different system. the traffic light system is very negative. it focuses on the bad, as well as publicly humiliates the kid. (the whole class then knows what color your on) my sons teacher switched him to an evaluation system. four times a day he had the opportunity to receive stamps, instead of the other way around. good luck with that. i am hoping our teacher this year has the insight to use a better system of discipline.
2007-09-01 11:57:52 · answer #8 · answered by mz.star 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
tell your son he has an good teacher and teachers are always right.Your son needs to follow rules and respect the teacher otherwise he will be an irresponsible adult at some time who thinks others are always wrong.After you take care off that then you set up an appointment with the teacher and hear the story from the teachers side, and see what can be done to make things go smooth.You maybe in for an surprise ounces you hear the story from both sides.
2007-09-01 11:53:53 · answer #9 · answered by hillman 3 · 1⤊ 4⤋
Your son would be best advised to just do what it takes to make this teacher happy.
If this teacher is basically unfair, it'll show up.
2007-09-01 11:48:04 · answer #10 · answered by Robert K 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋