My mum and dad are divorced. I like to have normal life but It's not possible. What should I do?? HELP PLEASE

Question

I'm 13. My mum and dad have been divorsed 4 years ago. And my mum take us (my brothere and I) to her house where she was growing
I was thinking that I'm not going to have problems but I have.The worst thing is that she live in the same place with my dad. Only 7 houses are between them. And when she will hear something abouth my dad EX: that he was on vacation with his other GF (The worst thing it that she is with other religion) She don't let us to go in my dad's house to see my grandma and my grandad because my dad always says that he don't have money to give her (but he give us money always). And when my dad will do something wrong she is not leting us to go in my dad's house. But she is not understanding that I like that place because I'm born there there are all my friends, And I feel happy when I'm there. I can't live in that house where she was born I hate that place. What should I do ?? I try to talk with her but she is not understanding me. I just like to have normal life.

Answer 1

I personally don't like divorce. It is often unfair to the children. I am your age too. You can talk to your mom and tell her how you are feeling and how the divorce has been affecting you. It's good to think about what you want to say ahead of time.

Answer 2

The houses don't matter. It's the anger your mother has about your father's new girl friend and his new life that is the problem. She's not wrong. It's very hard not to be angry if someone has hurt you, as he probably hurt her, and they are living so close by. It's like they flaunt what they are doing just to hurt her more!
You hate the place where you are but if it is only 7 houses away from where your dad is living. That's not even much physical distance - you can still have the same friends. Why not?
You are happy when you are there but if you lived with your dad and witnessed his new life with his new girlfriend, believe me, it would not be perfect either.
In a few years, it will all settle down. Just because you will have figured out that your friends and your happiness are not tied to a house. Your mom will probably have lost some of her anger maybe because she will have found someone new too.
Your dad is no saint. He gives you money - that's easy. But if he owes your mother money, as the court decreed in the divorce, and he is not paying that money, then he is just as mean and angry and petty. Your mother knows that. Try to have a little sympathy for what she is seeing - an ex-husband who flaunts a new girlfriend and doles out money to the kids whenever he pleases but won't pay what is owed to her. She has the responsibility for raising you, not him! He's got a pretty cushy life now, don't you think? Does your mother?

Answer 3

Sweetie, I'm so sorry you're going through this.

It's very sad that your mom is trying to make you choose between her and your dad. It's not right that she is using your visiting him as a way to complain about what money she is or is not getting from him. Those are issues they need to work out as adults, and shouldn't involve you in.

Try talking with your mom again. Tell her that you love her very much, but you also love your dad and want to spend time with him. Tell her you feel like you have to choose and don't think it's fair. Ask her if you can go see your grandparents. Tell her how much it upsets/hurts you to be put in the middle.

Life is what you make it. Try your best to make the most out of this situation. It will be difficult, but you can do it. Good luck!

Answer 4

Your parents have been divorced for 4 years already and your mom is still holding you hostage to get back at him. She should let you go freely to him and his family for visits. You sound more mature then she is. You need to get an ally on your side. Can you trust an adult family member like a grand parent, uncle, aunt that could explain to her what an enormous mistake she's making. Your mom thinks she is protecting you but all she does is to push you away.

As for that new place where she wants to live, you should give it a try. My daughter was 13 when I divorced her dad and I moved into another city, she was rebelling against me etc. I asked her to come with me as a try out and if she really didn't like it after 1 year I would let her go back with her dad. She stayed with me 1 whole year and never wanted to go back to her old hometown. She made new friends, she loved her new school etc.

Answer 5

I believe that this is a pain full experience of life as young as you are but as time goes by you will be the best teacher. Most couple who engage in marriage actually don't define what marriage is. Some take it for granted. Some just for title but those who understand what they really what in marriage, those marriages last longer.When divorce, the most affected are the kid. Who will the go with, Mom or dad? let your mothers action, emotions, feeling towards your dad affect you personally. How is alwayss sweet home as long as you have peace.love you parents as you alway do and do what is expected for you as their child and continue with your live. Your mom may be still angry, jealous, pissed off as a result of divorce towards you dad, she never like the idea of divorce that why she is in bitterness, hurting and any thing you dad do affect her because she can't let it go. she is still in denial state of her divorce and perhaps if your dad was to give her another chance, what do you think she would do? Don't be in the middle of these mess but focus on your self and your future happiness

Answer 6

Hello

I am so sorry you are going through this! Is there a counselor maybe at school that can bring both your parents in so that you can tell them how you feel?

Sometimes parents get caught up in their own pain and forget that they are hurting their children. They just can't see it now-but they are not doing it intentionally-they are still trying to hurt each other and you are caught in the middle. Try not to take it personally as you work through it.

You really need to find a family mediator or a counselor-you c an find one through the court or ask at the school you go to to help you find one. You have to talk with them-as a family and come to a compromise-you are torn between loyalty to your parents, but right now, you only need to be loyal to yourself! Be brave and know that it will get better-it may take awhile but it will get better!

Maybe someday you will be able to help other kids through exactly what you are going through now! And you will know best how to d that because of this experience. Focus on the solution and a positive outcome-tell your parents that is what you want-you do not want any of them to be in pain, most of all not yourself!

I wish you Love, Strength, Peace and Good Luck!

: )



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Answer 7

"NORMAL" What is "normal" for one person is not normal for another. I am not understanding you do your parents live 7 houses away from each other and your mom wants to move or what. Just because your dad gives you money personally doesn't mean he is doing the right thing. It costs money to raise a child. food cloths shoes school doctors dentists eye doctors,transportation housing heat electric phone cable Internet soap shampoo toothpaste.
Everything costs money and if their divorce states he needs to pay child support he should.
Just deal with it the best way you can. You can always ask to go live with your dad. but the grass always looks greener until you get there.

Answer 8

Does your father have visitation through the courts? If he does then you can tell your mother that the courts say you can go visit him and you choose to do that. You can explain that you love her, but that you also love your father and want to have a relationship with him also. If your father is the problem , you will soon find out if you don't get to see him. Do not let the mistakes of your parents make you sad. Enjoy your youth, and have friends. If you only live 7 houses away, I don't see what the problem is of having your same friends.

Answer 9

I understand how hard it is having your parents divorced. I went through the same thing when i was about 7 years old. Get used to your new life. My life changed COMPLETELY. It will take like 5 years for you to notice things. When your parents split up, they change their personality, therefore you'll have to meet your "real" mom. I think you said they live 7 doors apart from eachother? wow. That's wonderful! You can be extremely thankful for that! Im not sure why thats so bad... but anyways, heres my advice, tell your dad your situation. tell him that your mom wont let you go to see him unless he pays her or whatever. so when he hears that, im sure he'll gladly pay your mom so that he can see you. If that doesnt work, i suggest you see a psychiatrist. they solve all family problems. & your mom isnt allowed to not let you see your father. unless it was in your divorce agreement, which im sure your not aware of.

if your mom doesnt let you see a pshyciatrist, then talk to your guidance counsoler at school. they will be glad to help you out! sorry about the tough changes! :( hope this helps

Answer 10

Talk to your Mom about it. Nicely explain how her actions are hurting you. Divorce is difficult esp when the adults want to be immature. Ultimately you will get older and move out. You control how you deal with the situation. It sounds like your parents may need to be more parents than children and grow up a bit.
The most important thing is for you to learn from it. Dont do these things to your children. And your parents poor behavior it isnt about you. You can overcome it but it wont be easy. And this is one of those it stinks but you will become a better person if you try to do your best

Answer 11

Poor baby I wish there were some magic words i could give you to make it better..But if he only lives only 7 houses away can't you go over there everyday?And since you are so close can't your friends come over to your house. Honey, be grateful that he is so close things could be worse..he could be miles and miles away. Or your mom could have chosen to move a long way.At least this way you see him more than you would if things were different.