This was because of multiple medical issues that could no longer be completly taken care of in the home , even with nurses coming in and becoming more unstable mentaly to the point afraid of leaving alone for more than very brief periods of time.But can still carry on conversations and aware of surroundings and what is going on -most of time....memory really failing and electric wheel chair bound....appreciates seeing family members and knows everyone still - but seems to run out of anything to say or talk about that is not connected to medical issues or his care or the meals and staff - or what he might want or need - in about 10 minutes....and then what the %$@& do you say ?
Do talk about G. kids and his dogs and weather and how many times yard mowed this year and serviced the car..and political carnival going on ....but..lots of " I don`t remember/ what are you talking about" happening more often now....
Would appreciate thoughts from both women and men please ?
2007-09-01 01:48:00 · 14 answers · asked by aredsailjunk 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Senior Citizens
Ask him about how he coped with certain issues in his youth...maybe if you are trying to deal with a certain home repair, ask his advice.
Try to stick to memories he may have made when he was younger. When the brain starts failing, for whatever reason his younger memories seem to become fresher in his mind.
Ask him about his youth. What it was like growing up wherever. Maybe you can make him feel like he is really contributing by asking about his relative (say you need them for a family tree), or stories he can remember about his parents. You can try using a tape recorder as well. Say that you want to keep his memories fresh to pass on to your own grandchildren when it is time, and isn't technology wonderful?
He might take some coaxing at first, but if you sound interested and act interested then he will respond. And hey, maybe by partway through the process you WILL be interested on preserving these memories for your own future family?!
2007-09-01 15:25:35 · answer #1 · answered by Susie Q 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm a nurse at a nursing home and originally thought I'd be at a children's hospital until you experience kids with cancer etc...so I've chosen the nursing home where the last thing you want to do is think of putting a loved one...there are alot of horror stories of abuse...but so are there in the police dept., hospitals, local governments etc...so let me tell you in my 13 years of experience that a mind is terrible to loose..elderly only have their memories and if they keep telling the same stories be glad it is something they remember...and never underestimate how far a hug will go or a smile...same goes for a baby...if you smile then they may smile back at ya...our seniors have lived longer then us...give them some credit...you don't know what's waiting for you...they can't get extended warranties on their body parts...so my message is for everybody to make the most out of your life now and really stop to smell the roses or look up at the stars at night...live now and learn to laugh at your mistakes cause life is short and all the seniors out there have lotsa memories to keep sharing over and over again...ha..ha..cut them some slack...you'll miss them when they are gone and realize only when you get their age what they were talking about...
2007-09-04 13:08:26 · answer #2 · answered by Booger 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I work in this field, and know how you feel. A lot of relatives find it hard to make conversation. One thing that can be useful is to bring along the local paper and read articles aloud - things he might be interested in. Tell him about your day - anything is OK, what you've been watching on TV, movies, what the neighbours are up to.
If his memory is failing, in a way...I know it might sound awful, but in a way this is a blessing. Anything you tell him will slowly be forgotten, so any news that you tell him will be fresh each time.
A lot of relatives come in to visit, and after a few minutes conversation, they just settle down and read the paper or a magazine, or watch TV with their relative. Not a lot has to be said.....sometimes, just being there is enough.
I know that this is a difficult time for you - do look after yourself, and as time goes on, try to take up some new interests. The staff will look after him, and you need to look after YOU. Best wishes on your journey.
2007-09-01 02:30:52 · answer #3 · answered by Stella 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The main thing is don't get discouraged! Keep visiting...other family members,too..no matter how his mental or physical capabilities might change in the future. Take magazines of interest..look thru them together & discuss. Take in photo albums ( i would not leave them there for fear of them possibly getting misplaced) You really don't even have to talk...watch tv together...take him for strolls around the nursing facility....attend activities with him. If he likes music..play some of his favorite cd's....take in some of his favorite meals (if he's not on a restricted diet) & reminisce about the past when you would serve them at home..talk about when you were dating.....use your imagination...the possibilities are endless. The point is....your presence is SO important & he loves you & knows you're there,even if you're not saying a darn thing! Also,if it ever gets to the point that he does not recognize you or other family members,please don't stop visiting....it may become very difficult for you...but you will have to be strong & not take it personally. Hope this has helped you in a difficult time for you & your family.
2007-09-01 02:26:32 · answer #4 · answered by murphy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He may be talking to you about things because he doesn't know what else to say. Talk with him about how things are going with you, how you miss him not being at home and wish it could be different, how you will always be there for him and how much you love him 'in sickness and in health.' Take pictures of people and things the two of you have known and loved, maybe even a wedding picture. Read him short stories, poetry or anything he likes to hear, even letters from people. Hold his hand and give him your humanity. Sneak him in a treat he especially likes.
2007-09-03 12:39:08 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nursing homes are just what is needed in our society. Many have personal care units to where one can take care of themselves otherwise if not then the section where their needs are taken care of is truly the best place for them. Those who work care a lot for the patient. Being with other helps also. It is really best for all concerned.
2007-09-01 11:57:44 · answer #6 · answered by plyjanney 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am very surprised no one suggested taking his dogs to see him. Every nursing home I ever worked in encouraged family members to bring in the residents' pets, as long as they were up on their shots, were friendly, and on a leash. Be aware it's best to visit with a pet BEFORE lunch, as many residents will have crumbs and other meal remnants in their wheelchair, on their lap, and on their chest (even if the wear bibs while eating).
2007-09-01 11:42:44 · answer #7 · answered by holey moley 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
When I went through this with my grandmother and fatherinlaw I talked and listened about their past. I never showed frustration at hearing the same story for the 10th time that day. I allowed them to share the memories like it was all new.
2007-09-01 04:05:49 · answer #8 · answered by Southern Comfort 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Often if you back up about 20 years you will get a positive response. Often they forget recent happenings but will remember old ones with vivid recall.
Source---cared for many older people with a form of dementia.
2007-09-01 06:11:39 · answer #9 · answered by lilabner 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did not say his age. Most people can remember long ago and not yesterday or today. Try to jog his memory and visit about the past!
2007-09-01 02:28:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋