OK I have told my boyfriend the possibility that I may be pregnant....(I know I am, just testing waters..)....anyways he said to me....'Oh i wouldnt be ready for that kind of thing....its just not the right time'. We then said if I were that he would want me to have an abortion. He said he would be there when i get it to give me support.
Option (1): Do I just say im going to have the baby and thats it...with or without his support.....and jeoprodise our relationship...have the love for & from my child, but without my boyfriend, with whom i love deeply.
Option (2): Listen to reason and perhaps have the abortion (which i would hate myself for doing).....possibly end up resenting him.....and who knows 3 years down the track we could break up and then I would be 30 yrs old...with not much time on side to try for a baby...
Im so confused....i try to reason with myself....just cant keep a clear head.
Just wondering if people have been in similar situation....and what was the outcome?
2007-08-31 23:03:04 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Nooo way is there an option 3 for adoption...i cant go thru 9 months only to hand my baby over to some stranger...all the years I would go thru thinking about my baby...
2007-09-01 01:35:05 · update #1
my little sister's with this one guy...they've been together for a few years already..she got pregnant almost 5 years ago, he told her to abort him*it was a boy*, finances weren't great & he just "wasn't ready"...she did...**behind my back, of course, I found out through the grape vine and I was enraged**...now she's hurting, feeling remorse, she cries every day still, wishing she hadn't done it *my nephew woulda been almost 5 :( *....now she's still with him, they're trying for one again..and trying..and trying..she's begun to realize that she may not be able to have another...that may have been her one and only chance..and she killed it....you know what i'm saying?....DON'T give in to what ur guy's telling you...you've tested the waters, he gave his wave..and you don't like his answer...how can he say "oh i wouldn't be ready for that kind of thing"?...he sure as hell was ready when he was getting freaky..lol...sorry to put it that way, but you know what I mean..it's not a one way street while concieving..he coulda used a condom, just like you, the pill..but now a little blessing has happened to you..a gift from God..he might refuse it, but I know and sense that you are willing to accept it..you want this little piece of you :)...I know some guys say they're not ready and all...but when the event occurs that they find out someone's gonna call them "dadda", their attitude changes about the whole perspective..ur guy may or may not be like that...but either way, make him accept it..with or without you..there's nothing he can do about it..it's your body, your blood, a little piece of you..only YOU say what goes...and don't worry about yall breaking up and what not..if he really loves you, he'll snap and return & want to be a part of the baby's life..if not..he'll be a part anyway, the hard way *child support*..your child's life is worth more than any relationship..yea, it'll hurt being without the guy cuz u love him so much, but he wants you to do something you don't want to..and that tells you he don't care about your feelings..does he even know what abortion is? I mean, does he actually know what the process is? what they do?...go to a local clinic, get a pamphlet about it & show it to him...or simply go to ask.com or google "abortion" in images & that should change his mind...if not, he has no heart..for real :(..sad..if you go for option 2, remember my story about my little sister..you will resent him, yourself, you'll have that little part of your soul taken away from you and will be thinking about it often, wondering what he/she would be like at that time, and you may not be able to have a child again :(..or yall might not be together anymore, and you did that for nothing..if you keep it, and he leaves you, there's your family & friends who will always be there to back you up..mom & dad might be hurt at first **all parents do when they find out**..but they get over it quickly and begin to brag :) :)...if you decide to not keep the child..there's always adoption..why kill the child, when you can simply give him to someone who desperately needs one to fill in that hole in their life?..I wish you theeeee best girl...you're a smart one..stick to your guns :) :)
2007-08-31 23:42:36 · answer #1 · answered by dre o 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Option 2 is clearly the worst of the two you listed. Option 1 is far better but still very different.
If you know you will hate yourself for getting an abortion then do not do it whether or not your boyfriend will be around to support you. If you choose to have the child and he won't support you then obviously he isn't worth spending another moment with anyway. If your having a child that he fathered would cause your relationship to fall apart then it's not a relationship worth having no matter how you feel about him right now.
The only person you ever have to trust or answer to is yourself. In order of importance here are 1.what you want, 2.what would be good for you child and then far far in the distance 3.what your boyfriend wants/needs.
There are many free counseling and pregnancy help center, call lines and groups that are there to help you through exactly this kind of situation. This could be the biggest decision of your life so don't make it rashly or give in to what someone else wants. In this country it's your choice and your choice alone. Trust yourself.
2007-08-31 23:18:48 · answer #2 · answered by Michael 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The same thing did happen to me. I was dating this guy for 4 and a half years when I got pregnant. We were even on the outs at the time. (kinda breakup sex) When I told him I was pregnant, he too wanted me to take care of it. I told him he could sign off his rights, and I would raise the child myself. Was he the most attentive man through my pregnancy? No. But we made it. It took about 4 months after our son was born for him to turn a 180, and become responsible for this life. He had to get a real job, with benefits rather than working for himself. It was something his mommy couldn't help him out of. She just said "Grandparents have rights too" Anyhow, we made it. We got married when my son was 4 years old, and now have a 10 year old son, and 5 year old daughter. He is one of the best fathers I know. He is so patient and spends a lot of time with the kids. Some people need to be forced to grow up and having a little one that relies on you for everything can somethimes do that. Did you two speak about this kind of thing before hand? You wouldn't want him to resent YOU either. I should mention that my pregnancy was the second one with my (now husband) I did have an abortion the first time, and have regretted it always. I know I have been forgiven, and consider myself to have 3 children. You need to do what you believe is best. Listen to your first insinct. Noone here can give you the answer. Your God given conscience should always lead you. If you have a supportive family, then your God given miracle will receive a lot of love. Just be prepared for the ride of your life. I wouldn't have it any other way! Good Luck!
2007-08-31 23:37:32 · answer #3 · answered by lulu 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
W ether your little one is colicy or no longer don't forget to by no means shake him! This crying is flawlessly usual and must tapper off in approximately one other month. A couple of innocent matters you'll be able to do to that would support are the little one fuel drops, feeding small quantities extra most often and preserving him at a forty five measure perspective whilst feeding him. It feels like he's most likely doing it at night time after a feeding which shows that it would be reflux (heartburn). When you lay him down after a feeding the acid simply sits within the esophagus, take a look at ready 20 min earlier than laying him down. Remember how unhealthy it was once while you had been pregnant? Imaging no longer having 18 years enjoy handling affliction of any type. Call your Dr. and inform him the indications and notice if he can write you a prescription for an extremely low fuel formulation. With the prescription WIC can pay for the brand new formulation. If you're no longer on WIC you must be, at 18 I'm lovely definite you quailfy and it supplies greater than meals, WIC presents categories, understanding and assets which can be pleasant for a tender mom.
2016-09-05 20:02:41 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know you are very much in love with your boyfriend right now but like you said what if a few years down the road you two go your separate ways? Then you'll be alone. I think you should definitely keep the baby, if he leaves you because you keep the baby you TWO made then he isn't a very good guy. I don't think things would be the same with you two if you had the abortion just because he wanted you to. I hope you will decide on keeping the baby, the love you will feel and get from your child will be so great. Good luck in what ever you decide to do.
2007-08-31 23:09:40 · answer #5 · answered by Jenniferann88 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Option 1 seems to be the only option. You have already said that you would hate yourself for getting an abortion. Have and raise the baby, or else take option 3...adoption.
You should consider adoption as an option. If you aren't sure you can raise the child on your own (and you haven't suggested whether or not you feel you can) then this is a wonderful option. You will be doing what is best for the baby, and giving the adoptive parents the best gift you could ever give.
2007-08-31 23:31:41 · answer #6 · answered by LC 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First of all, you are already pregnant and that is a fact. You have to make up your own mind about how you want to handle this. I wouldn't get an abortion if that isn't something that I personally could handle. (I couldn't.) If you don't want to go through an abortion, then you must make some changes in your life and make plans for your child. If your guy truly loves you, he will be there for you and will do the right thing. It might not be the right time but if he is the right guy he will be there for you and you will both get through this. These are tough choices but, only you can decide how to handle this. You have options, of course. You could also have the child and give it up for adoption. Each choice has a consequence which could be negative. I have a niece who went through this and decided to keep the baby. Her parents and family helped her and she ended up having a beautiful son who we all adore. It wasn't easy but he has enriched all of our lives. Go for some counselling to help you make the right choice. Good luck to you.
2007-08-31 23:15:39 · answer #7 · answered by turkeybrooknj 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Lose this guy, regardless of what happens with you and the baby. You say you would hate yourself if you had the abortion. So don't have one. If that means he won't be there to support you, then at least you found out before you were married.
One of the things you could have done was just tell him you're pregnant. The answer to a hypothetical "what if I'm pregnant" will usually be different than the answer to "I am pregnant". If he changes his tune when you say you really are pregnant, he may be worth tying yourself down to. Problem is you seem to be having a rough relationship with this guy. If you don't want to spend the rest of your life with this guy, then go ahead and leave because the sooner you leave the relationship, the sooner you can find a guy who shares the same ideals/morals as you.
Another thing that may make you feel better is the statistics showing the incidence of higher rate of birth defects for older women has been proven false. You can have a healthy pregnancy at thirty or forty. You can also have a child with birth defects at 20. Age doesn't matter as much now that doctors have figured out the actual percentage of children born with birth defects is almost exactly the same for a 25 year old as for a 35 year old. So your clock isn't ticking as fast as you think.
I got pregnant before I got married to my husband. When I told him I was pregnant, he was instantly on his knees proposing. I didn't intend to get pregnant because I had a horrible pregnancy with my son and he is autistic, so I didn't want to have another child. I wasn't going to have an abortion even if he decided he didn't want to marry me. I was about 34 years old when I had my daughter.
It's hard to make a decision like this alone. Can you talk to your parents (especially your mom) about this?
If he gives you an ultimatum, that if you have the baby, he doesn't want to be with you, then just go. He's not that into you if he doesn't want to marry you even if you're pregnant. And being pregnant is not "THE reason" to get married. If he doesn't love you enough to make you happy the rest of your life, and wouldn't marry you even if you are pregnant, then you are better off without him.
I would have raised my child alone rather than have a husband who didn't really want a baby. If your b/f marries you only because you are pregnant, that's not a good start.
My daughter is three years old and starting to show similar traits to my son when he was her age, so she's got something wrong, we just don't have a diagnosis yet. I'm married to the b/f with whom I got pregnant. We're having some troubles, like any couple, but I wish I'd known him better before we married. He's not a good husband or father and I'll likely have to go to marriage counseling with him. He wasn't lazy before I met him, but he seems to be now. He was very helpful before I married him and now sometimes he resents that I need his help. So, the result of mine, basically, is I have a rocky marriage for which I need counseling. I wish it could have been "happily ever after", but it's hard to make a marriage work when your husband can't function in situations he should be handling instead of me taking care of the lawn, my car, and the house. You'd think he'd at least look over my car once a month. But he doesn't. I just need to get into counseling. If he isn't going to change back to the guy I dated, then it will have to be "bye bye". I know he doesn't want a divorce, so he will likely try to change. I hope he does. I would prefer our daughter growing up knowing her daddy. She's almost 3 and he still has no clue how to take care of our daughter or anything else. I married a child and didn't realize it until it was too late. If he changes, though, and takes on the responsibilities he needs to take charge of and takes parenting classes (he resents it when I tell him how to deal with our daughter. It's frustrating.), then I'd be happy to be with him. He's actually a nice guy; he just can't handle the anxiety of taking care of anyone but himself.
So, that's my life in a nutshell after getting pregnant when I didn't want to be.
2007-08-31 23:40:10 · answer #8 · answered by Serena 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Never ever chose a man over your child, born or unborn. The baby is part of you. Either he will suck it and and be a man, or leave.
But either way you will have the one TRUE love of your life, the one that will always be the most important thing in your life, YOUR CHILD......... Men come and go...... a child is forever !!! Dont do something that will tear you up inside forever , just to make him happy. It will be the demise of your relationship because you WILL hold it against him !!!!!!
If he is willing to throw a baby away because he is " not ready for that" then dont count on him being there for you, god forbid you get ill or seriously injured.
Tell him the truth .... tell him its not maybe, YOU ARE !!!
2007-08-31 23:21:49 · answer #9 · answered by tammer 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to ask yourself do you really want to be with a guy who will not even talk to you about it rationally. If he would not be their for you maybe you and the baby are better to do this alone. Sorry if its harsh and i know i no nothing off your relationship. How i would look at it is if i aborted a baby it would be with me forever. If i split from my man i would be sad for maybe a few month but you do move on. I know i would never move on from an abortion. Please get advise before you make a desision. i wish you lots off luck
2007-09-01 06:09:44 · answer #10 · answered by Littleblonde-kacey is here 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋