Husband says I spend too much time online?!?

Question

My husband and I have been married almost 2 years, and our daughter is almost a year old. For a short time when we first got married, we had internet. I have always been a computer freak and I would sit on my laptop while we watched tv. He got so frusterated with it that I cancelled the internet.. until recently. We got dial-up so that we could do our bills and basics online. Now he complains that I spend too much time on the computer. I spend maybe half an hour a day, if I get time.
Before getting internet again our sex life did start suffering due to bad communication, but now its worse. Tonight I came up to check my email (Dad was sending us something) and hubby accused me of being on for 2 hours. In reality it was 20 minutes.
He went to bed, complaining about me, and now Im too frusterated both with our sex life and his accusations to sleep, so now Im online instead of sulking downstairs. Anyone else have something similar? HELP!

And Im not doing anything odd. I always miss the 10pm news due to work so I usually check those for half an hour then balance the checkbooks, check my email, talk to a couple friends that live in my old town, and get off the computer!
No porn or chat rooms or anything.

I just dont understand his problem with this and I fear that our romantic life will suffer even more. But if he cant handle me being on the computer this much, how the heck can I go back to school to finish my bachelors???

Thats the other thing. I find most tv boring and mind-numbing. Id rather hop online for half an hour and read something, ANYTHING than watch another episode of the Simpsons. (Not that it isnt sometimes funny, but come on, give me some knowledge).

If he would actually do something with me like play a board game, TALK something, than maybe I wouldnt think twice about skipping my reading the nightly news.

Yes dial-up still exists. and I got that many freakin points when I had a job that my only responsibility was running errands so usually for 7 hours a day I sat on the computer goofing around and getting paid for it.

Answer 1

I'll give you my honest opinion.

Your not doing anything wrong, half an hour? are you kidding me? i take a shower daily for half an hour. It's not an addiction, c'mon give yourself credit a little bit? your a working mom. What do you do on your free time? i mean, if he enjoys watching tv, i don't see what's so different spending a couple of minutes online to check new etc... You know, you are an individual, just because you don't sit in front of the tv and would rather go online doesn't mean you are ruinning your relationship. Does he watch tv more than 30mins? if so, then why is the issue addressed to you? as oppose to him watching tv.

It sounds to me like he's preventing you for having a simple/short hobbie, and maybe the problem is somewhere else. Maybe he's picking on tinny things you do for fun and point them out as imperfection. Try talking to him, the reason why he's so frustrated with you doesn't sound like it has anything to do with the internet. Straighten things out, half an hour ****cannot**** kill a marriage or even slightly damage it.

Answer 2

First, it sounds like you might be on slightly longer than 20 minutes sometimes, but there is no harm in that. I believe you about not being on for 2 hours, however. It sounds like your husband is jealous, wanting your total devotion and attention. SOME men are like that and it's a quirk they'll never admit to or repair.

What you might do is make a deal with him. Get a timer...two if you can, and tell him, "I'm going to go online for 30 minutes(or whatever time you choose). When this timer goes off, I'll be back down. Set one timer in front of him and take one with you. Go online and get off when the timer goes off. Show him that you're not online as much as he thinks. Also, to be fair, do the same to him when he does things that HE likes instead of being with you. I don't know what it'll be, but he is bound to have some hobby that he likes to do alone. TIME HIM and see how he likes it. Keep it even and fair and he'll start to shut up real fast, I think. If he gets mad at first, just smile and shorten your time, but shorten his too. What's good enough for you is good enough for him.

Hope that helps. Good luck.

Answer 3

Same thing with me . But then I pointed out to him that I'm only on the computer ,when he is watching television . I am not a tv watcher which he knew before we married . All he wants to do is watch tv never anything else . I solved my boredom with the computer . I told him I'd be glad to get off the computer if he will shut off the tv . He did that once and hasn't mentioned it since .

Answer 4

That is so weird my wife and I have been married for almost 2 years and our daughter is turning 1 year old. She complains that im also on the computer alot but in reality im just checking emails and posting stuff to sell(i have tons of junk) I think it is just bad timing whenever i log on she comes in thinking i have been on for hours. I also dont like watching stupid reality shows on tv. I dunno. I bought her some flowers a couple of days ago and it helped. You should buy your hubby some flowers. LOL

Answer 5

OK, so suggest this to him. One night a week, you get a babysitter and it's you-and-him time. Go out, have dinner together, watch a movie, or stay home and do something together - but here's the deal: He's not allowed to turn on the TV, and you're not allowed to touch the computer. The other nights in the week, you can each do what you like best, he can watch TV and you can do your emailing or whatever.

Answer 6

I have a online based ebay account,and pay bills online. So i also play online games. He has a trust issue. I think if the seast he should give you a hour a day to handle your buisness. If you have never done anything weird online,and you are still around him it shouldnt matter. Deal with it,but i suggest having a talk about it.

Answer 7

Your husband is frustrated with the lack of intimacy and real communicaton in your marriage. He is blaming the computer and you are guilty of egging him on. Listen to the message and encourage him to learn to communicate more clearly.

Oh, and whenever you find you and your spouse locked in one of these endless loops of accusations and defense, it usually means you are not fighting about the internet or whatever. "You are one the internet too much" is the same as a wife saying to a husband "You watch too much tv" He misses you and is afraid he is losing you.

Answer 8

Read "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands"

Spend less time on line and more time on him.

Sex lives rarely suffer from 'poor communication.'
They often suffer from "Too Tired - Too Busy"

Go back to bed. Lay down. If your husband is still awake say: "Honey, that argument really frustrated me. I just don't think I can get to sleep unless you f**k me silly. I may just talk all night if you don't kiss my tit$ or something" When he looks over, look like your sorry and you love him. There's a very good chance good things will happen.

Tomorrow tell him you agree to log off the Internet any time he asks, if he agrees that means you get one orgasm, payable on the evening of the request.

;-)

Answer 9

You are not alone trust me it's 4:30 am and here i am on the computer husband went to bed by himself around 10:00 pm. I use to have my computer in the bedroom but he started to complain because he couldn't sleep with me clicking away on the key bored so i turned one of the bedrooms into my own computer/sewing room it's on the other side of the house so i come in here blast my music and click away. Sometimes i wake up with my head on the key bored and thousand zzzzzz on my screen it takes forever to get them all off the screen.

Answer 10

Maybe if you invite him to share some of your experiences online he'd change his mind. Then he'd probably be fighting with you for computer time. Otherwise, I think he has a jealousy thing about the computer. If he'd give you a reason for not being online it might be different. (Try to suggest something he'd like -- wink, wink).