I have been marrier for nearly 3 years, 6 months ago I was told by my wifes best friend that my wife told her she was having an affair last year with her distant cousin. I confronted my wife and she denied it all saying it was all an imagination story. Last week I came accross some photo's with her and her cousin when by accident they were on the same holiday and I must amid I had a gut feeling something was not right as she never called me for two weeks and she was very distant ie never looked me in my eyes when I picked her up from the airport. My wife said they stayed in different hotels. Through the photo's I found out where she has stayed and I could find out with the guest register if she stayed alone and finally find the truth. My marriage is good and I love her but if I find the truth she has lied and unfaithful, is it worth finding out which will end our marriage as I will never trust her as she could be with her distant cousin again.
2007-08-31 21:24:14 · 18 answers · asked by maleinaus 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
That's up to you. You believe you already know the truth. You probably already do. Right now you're in denial, but finding out irrefutable proof will yank you OUT of denial fast and hard. Then the ball will be in your court and you'll have to make a decision.
On the other hand, if you stay in denial (which I dont think is possible for very long), you might be able to stay married, but in the back of your mind you'll always have that suspicion that she's messing with someone else. Can you live your whole life like that? Would you rather live like that or would you choose to know the truth and have the matter decided one way or the other? Trust me, if you choose to stay in denial, you will always have the suspicion lurking between you both and that will color everything you two do in your lives.
If it were me, I'd want to find out. If my spouse was cheating on me, then that would tell me that he's not the right one for me and I would need to ditch him to find someone who wouldn't do that to me....someone who would love me enough to honor and respect me with fidelity. I couldn't be happy if I wasn't loved. Others are different and can be happy if they have the person they love even if that person doesn't love them the way they deserve. What you have to do is decide which one you are.
If you decide to stay with her, seek counseling. That's one chance you have to repair your marriage and come to an acceptable resolution.
Good luck.
2007-08-31 21:34:04 · answer #1 · answered by Top Alpha Wolf 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would contact the "distant cousin", ask him straight out no jokes etc.. If he can not give you a straight answer, then you have your answer. If you both want to keep your marriage going I would suggest some counseling. Otherwise your marriage will be based on dishonesty and lack of trust.
Life is too short and why live a lie when you can live in freedom of the truth.
Not only does she have problems, you have the problem as well.
It takes two to tango, and I would sit down and think if your willing to salvage this marriage.
If not, you will find someone that respects you enough to say the truth and have a long life with. It's better now to deal with the issue head on, because if she can lie to you about this whats next? Or what has she not told you? It takes many lies to cover up one lie. Good Luck and even if the truth hurts it's better to know then play games. You are an adult not a child, seems like she's acting like a child and you don't want to have that relationship for the rest of your life.
2007-09-01 05:18:58 · answer #2 · answered by orangie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm telling you that it is not better knowing the truth,the saying the truth will set you free is bull s h i t . Thinking you know and actually knowing are two difference things all together.If you love your wife and you want to keep your marriage alive then forget what you know. If you as a man can't let it go and you do find out she actually did cheat then you will never look at her the same way or respect her or trust her the bond will be broke and so will your marriage. Only you can decide what you want or if she is worth putting your faith in her that she won't do it again. I speak from experience i just wish i didn't found out. It was so much easier thinking he did something because with time it will pass but not actually knowing. It been 10 years for me and it still feels like it was done yesterday I'll never get over knowing what i know.
2007-09-01 05:15:34 · answer #3 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
CHECK THE GUEST BOOK. In fact, photo copy it. This will tell you if your wife was cheating or if her best friend was lying. These are both very important things to know, because if you are trying to make an informed decision, knowledge beats the hell out of suspicion and gossip.
Also even if the best friend IS telling the truth, the question of WHY they would is very important. Seriously, if you knew you best friend was cheating, would you tell his wife?
There are a lot of marriages where a partner caught cheating has been forgiven. If this is a one time lapse & your partner fesses up & you have a good marriage otherwise, this is a completly acceptable option.
My gut tells me though that you do not have a good marriage because #1 you take separate vacations, #2 you are curiously closer to her best friend that she is.
Now if you have kids, their interest comes first; but let's assume you don't.
Here's the deal, if you guys like each but you both cheat; cut the BS & just have an open marriage.
But if you're Mr Faithful, and you wife likes seprate vacations where she 'accedentally' bangs her 'cousin'..... please, what part of "get out now" doesn't make sense to you.
Good luck friend
Q
2007-09-01 06:49:11 · answer #4 · answered by Phoenix Quill 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know you love her and all. But she has made it more than obvious and clear that she doesn't love you. I mean she has basically started sneaking off with her own freaking cousin. I don't care what anyone says about being a distant cousin isn't gross. But to me it is because they are still on some freaking branch of the family tree. And same ancestors that created them, created you as well. But yea, you have a right to the truth even though it may be painful, but you still have the right to it. And you have the right to end things. It wouldn't be false allegations on your part when you go to court because you could call and talk to the person that signed her in and if she came with anyone. Have all kinds of proof then. Good luck to you on whatever you decide to do.
2007-09-01 04:36:17 · answer #5 · answered by Cursed_Romantic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I will say Yes.. Because thats when open communication develops which can lead into a healthy marriage, sometimes when a person keep things secretive in a marriage and it stays with them,Its possible and can keep developing,sometimes when you have the heart to be honest it will help you to be a more honest person within yourself. Its not right,but you love this woman. If you find out she lied, you may feel doubt about her its only natural,but a marriage is a strong commitment ask her why, seek counseling if you know you love her. I think its possible a marriage can progress and proceed,but you need your right answers and you have to develop trust back, and with that seek communications, and make your marriage spice up. Have dinner ,wine , recandle that flame...Make It Work.,doubt will be there,but It shouldnt happen again.
2007-09-01 04:38:53 · answer #6 · answered by caramel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your marrige cannot be "good" if your wife is going else were to find another man, and be involved in adultery. I understand that you love her, and its hard to want to unfold the truth. But you already know the truth. If it's worth knowing, you already have known, the question is do you want to awknoledge the truth? or live your life insecure. Having to question every time she goes out, if it's with him or without.
If she is with him, that means you don't complete her the way she completes you. You need to make a desition, sometimes when you think you found love, you may not know what love is without risking something that is about to be broken. Think about it? do you diserve this? as a man? as a husband? do you diserve a broken promise of love? and if the promise was broken? what makes you think her love for you isn't?
Be truth to yourself, because somewhere in this world, theirs someone out there that will give you what you diserve. And that's sincerity, love and *Faithfullness*
Remember: A woman's best friend always knows
2007-09-01 05:07:49 · answer #7 · answered by Curious 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact is you know the truth but you Just can't handle it.Yes right your marriage is good.Another man changes her oil when she needs it that making you happy isn't a problem because she has to assuage her guilt.If you do not grow a back bone and get rid of her,you will become father to her cousins children and she will become cousin as well as mother to her own children.I hope you see why they need you in the picture.
2007-09-01 06:04:21 · answer #8 · answered by miraclehand2020 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometime the "cure" is worst than the "pain". In marriage we always have to overlook certain things but I don't know, cheating was very hard to swallow, I know ,I put up with it for 14 years and finally ended it, I was sorry for a little while but the hurt goes away.
2007-09-01 06:15:32 · answer #9 · answered by Conrey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you want a cheating slut wife? then live with it in denial your family has issues dude! I would kick your wife's cousins *** and tell him to stay away from your wife or else and that is it man up dude! if it ends your obviously great marriage then it does but get a grip she doesn;t love you. she cheats on you with her cousin
2007-09-01 04:34:35 · answer #10 · answered by katie d 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋