Should I tell my husband?

Question

I am 21 years old and I have been married for almost 3 years. My husband and I are currently seperated. During our seperation I have gotten close to someone else. I am ready to get a divorce and move on, but my husband wants to stay together. I do love my husband as a friend and I do not want to hurt him, and at the same time I do not want to lie to him. Do you think that it's a good idea or a bad idea to tell him that I have feelings for someone else? I don't know what to do here.

Answer 1

You need to do what is best for you first and for most.

He is going to get hurt, you can't avoid that. But you should explain to him about how you feel, and why you are doing what you are doing. Hopefully he'll understand.

But if you don't leave the guy, you'll just leave yourself unhappy. And you'd be being unfair to your now seperated husband, because he'll never be able to find who he's meant to be with.

You need to be strong, and trust your feelings.

You know what you need to do, don't let anything persuade you otherwise.

If you part, you be doing good for your now seperated husband. and most importantly doing good for yourself.


Si-Lynn

Answer 2

I would be very careful in your shoes. Are you sure that you want to divorce your husband? You decided to marry him and to spend the rest of your lives together only three years ago!!! And now suddenly you have the feelings for someone else? You should try to work your marriage out instead of jumping on another wagon. You might be lusting for another person but that's not love. You cannot love someone else so quick unless you didn't love your husband in the first place.

If you definitely want to divorce your husband then don't tell him anything about the other guy. He will be hurt for losing you, he will be even more hurt for you being with someone else. He doesn't need to know that. And for sake of your own good, don't consider marrying this new guy any soon or ever!!! You are way too young for this. Live a little, enjoy your single life.

Answer 3

Please know this is offered with affection....

OK. Let's be really honest here.

Is there a actually a woman out there that doesn't know SEX is the single most important thing a Man values in his relationship with you?

So PLEASE do not delude yourself with the "I want him as a 'friend' ********."
It's like saying:

"I'm going to take away the most important thing in your life and our relationship, but I hope this won't affect our friendship."

Seriously, how can you possibly believe that won't affect your friendship?

If you love him, get back together, f**k him silly, and be a good wife.

If you don't, make a clean break, and do your best to make your next marriage work.

Thinking you should stick a knife in his heart for the 'sake of honesty', is just a glaring indication that you are not ready for marriage.

Seriously, you should not even CONSIDER getting re-married until you REALLY understand what an incredibly BAD idea this is.

bikinibabewannabe is soooooo right on this one.
Q

Answer 4

Dear iwannaknowdatruth,

You didn't say how long you have been separated, and whose idea it was. Have you tried marriage counseling? Even if you no longer want to be married to this man, counseling can be very beneficial for you. It would really help you put things into perspective. Believe me; even if the divorce goes smoothly. Divorce tends to bring out a personality in us that we don't even know exists until you are faced with this life altering transition. I don't think it is necessary to tell your husband that you have fallen for another man. I am certain this would cause him great emotional pain. And if you care for him as you say, there is no need to deepen the pain he is already in. I wouldn't even tell him you want to stay in touch and be the best of friends. Your new love would surely not welcome this. And it is going to take some adjusting to a different life than what you have become accustomed to. Keep your answers about the other man vague. It is not necessary to burden him with the hurtful truth and the details.

I wish you well.

Sincerely,

Marseille

Answer 5

Why is it so many women leave their husbands these days for reasons other than aultery/abuse. What ever happened to Until Death Do Us Part and the promise we made to each other. Im not sure why you are leaving him but if it is not for the reasons stated above, marriage is a promise to work through anything and everything. Why dont people see it like that these days? Do you think, during your time of separation, it is smart to move onto someone else? Why is it so important you immediately move onto someone else when you are not even divorced yet?

Answer 6

Are you Crazy,For a married woman no one should be there besides your own husband. You are wrong if you have a feeling for someone else. This is your duty to love your husband and teach him to love you. If your husband want to be together then why won't you .
See there is something like culture, Our Indian culture doesnt teach us to love some one by having your own husband and remember you are married.
Husband should be your everything.
If some mistake had happend from him just forgive him bacause A woman should polite first.If the situation is becoming critical then she can show the real mean of woman.
remember my wordings.
SORRY if I hert you. I am a very Cultural woman.

Answer 7

SERIOUSLY, if you want a divorce, get a divorce and THEN move on. As one poster said, tell it to the grave. You are only going to turn a difficult situation into a nightmare if tell him there is someone else. Statistics say you won't end up with this new man in the long run anyway.

If you care for him as a friend, don't torture him.

Answer 8

if a man or women if they meet they fell in love this is nature
and ur married even though u fell in love with someone else if it happen all the womens what happen think and this is happen mostly with all becoz of mix gathering so simple and sweet idea is donot mix gather male or female that is why islam prefer veil to the womens. this is the protection for both
if u marry the second what u do with the third u go on marry with males who enter in ur life. so start covering the veil which islamic womens do. hope u got the point and dont live ur husband this is chosen to u from the god.

Answer 9

You need to move on. Say it that way. You now have a private life, so keep it that way.

Get the latest DIY divorce guide from the local bookstore and download the forms from the state website, and take them down to the courthouse with some money and file for divorce.

Answer 10

I think it's a good idea to go ahead with the divorce. You are much too young and immature to be married.
I think it's a bad idea to jump right into the next relationship. You are much too young etc.etc.
What you need to do is be on your own for a while to give yourself a chance to grow up.