Please help me! I need your opinion?

Question

A few days ago my daughter told my wife that she loved me and that she did not like being with her and did not love her( she 7 years old).This made me very upset because she disrespected her mother.I grabed a few trash bags and gathered all her toys because I told her that her mother works very hard to give her things ,but now she does not deserve them.I did'nt throw them away because we would give them back to her later.When her behavior changes.I just found out that my wife went into the bags and gave her some toys back.Now I'm the bad guy.I think this was wrong

Answer 1

I think that you were totally correct. Children learn from seeing things more than you just telling them. She needed a 7-yr old reality check and you gave her that by taking her toys away. She needs to learn to love and appreciate both parents. Her mother should not have gone behind your back and given her the toys back. I'm sure she just wanted to make her little girl happy, but that was not a good decision. Instead she should have come to you and discussed it. Children will try to play parents against each other!! We have to show them that mom and dad are on the same page. They respond better that way.

Answer 2

You reacted to words that came out of your daughter's mouth instead of figuring out the real issue.

Yes - I believe children need to respect their parents, but not showing respect and saying things like, "I don't love you" and "I hate you" are sometimes the only outlet a child knows when they are upset with a parent. This gives you a teaching experience.

A better solution is to calmly sit down with the child and let him know that those words are never acceptable - no matter the circumstance. However, if your child is having a disagreement with his mother, he needs to learn how to bring up the topic with his parents. Re-assert your role as the parent and recognize that just because an issue is brought is does not mean that you will always dismiss the child or agree with the child, but it is a good start to a conversation. Communication and learning the ability to discuss feelings, thoughts and emotions without being instantly dismissed is important to growing up.

This does not mean you are wrong. I did the same thing with toys, but learned the hard way that harsh words from such a small child usually means the child doesn't know how to properly express himself.

As for you and your wife - you need to discuss the discipline techniques. Right now - you are giving your child conflicting messages. It might be best to sit down and write down a chart that contains infractions, consequences and timelines of getting out of the consequences. It at least makes sure you're both on the same page and can work together.

Answer 3

I really understand your frustration, but you still can redeem yourself by explaining to her why you were upset. In fact make it a special day for you and her, take her to Mac Donalds and have a heart to heart talk. Let your daughter know its not toys or gifts the reason why you and her mother loves her. Explain to her that she is the special gift that came from heaven, and you were bless to have her as your daughter. This is reason why you and her mom loves her. Let her know it really hurt you when she made that statement, because you want her to love both parents.

The other aspect is you should investigate why she made that statement. Try to get her to say the reason why she choose you and denounce your wife. You make sure she totally stipulate the reasons and don't accept any vague answers. When she speak don't put any words in her mouth.

When this is done sit down with your wife and make an agreement that the both of you will discuss matters before making any decisions concerning your daughter. Your wife must understand that she should of consulted with you before giving her the toys. This is true. You need to work as a team...God bless

Answer 4

Dad listen, if your children don't say they don't like you in one way or another it means you are not doing your job right. This is a reward for giving TUFF LOVE which is the best love for child devlopement. 10 POINTS for Mom, you move back two spaces and lose a turn. A Father Daughter talk was in order not a display of your own anger.

And I agree with above me, once you goofed Mom should have backed you anyways and returned them after a understanding had been reached with the child including the ever reassuring hugs once the differences were settled

Answer 5

Overreaction dad!!!! She's 7 for heaven's sake. She's lashing out for some reason...probably because mom corrected her and she didn't like it. When children react like this, it's often because they are looking for a response or to get their way...she got both. She hurt your wife's feelings and she made you go nuts! Set some ground rules...let her know what her punishment will be if she is disrespectful and follow through with that. Be consistent. It sounds like you and mom are 7 years old as well. You are the parent...behave like one!

Answer 6

First of all she was dis respectful to your wife and you took away her toys for that as punishment and your wife went behind your back and gave her the toys back. Your wife needs to stand up when you put your foot down and correct the child instead of giving in to her. your not working together when it comes to showing this child right from wrong. that's just my opion.
best lf luck

Answer 7

I told my mom just one time that i didn't love her and she got a wild look in her eyes and i knew i said something i shouldn't of. She pick up a salt shaker and throw it at me,i started running and she caught me in the hall way and grabbed my hair and said now tell me you don't love me need less to say i never said that again. I think i was around 10 years old give or take a year. My mother and i laugh about it now.

Answer 8

my mom is now on her 4th marrage... and she should of met him A LONG TIME AGO!! anyway you honestly should never EVER be in compitition with your child as to who loves who more.. it will end up bad and your daughter will be spoiled to who ever gives in because both of you let it happen. your daughter is 7 SHE KNOW'S HOW TO WORK IT! DUH! she isnt stupid! i promise you that. it sounds like you both need to sit down and open up and talk things out.. divorce isnt fun for anyone! and becoming an inbetween child also isnt cool because when choosing one over the other makes it hurt even more. you should be asking yourself and your wife why she said that what made her say such a thing and what is realy going on that you both arnt paying attention to... its hard truth and i dont mean to sound crappy but the truth will help you or hurt u in the end.. GOOD LUCK HOPE YOU DO SOMETHING SOON!

Answer 9

Parenting is team work. Working against each other as your wife did, does nothing but confuse the child, and causes them to pick sides. Talk with your wife, and tell her she needs to back you when you set rules in the household.

Answer 10

how old are u to react that way to a 7 year old kid... she isnt old enough to judge.. instead of being rude and immature .. u should have sat down and explained to her what u just said about your wife {}