I am a little confused about what to do? My 4 month old son always starts crying when my husband picks him up. I know it really hurts my husband's feelings and I just don't know what to do about it. My son is really attached to me a lot and my husband is in the military and was away for a while, he also works long hours and isn't home enough to really bond with him. Has anyone else ever experienced this and what can I do to help the two bond better? I have tried showing my husband ways to comfort him and to calm him but my son has his own mind that he wants mommy only and nothing to do with daddy. Tips with an experienced parent who has been through this would be appreciated!!!!
2007-08-31 18:09:44 · 10 answers · asked by Mom_of_two 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
My daughter did this!! But because daddy worked long hours and I was at home full time.
There's not much you can do because babies don't remember things for a long time so it's most likely because he don't remember him. You can explain and comfort your husband that he is so young still yet he doesn't remember him from visit to visit. And that as he gets old he will remember more and he will get to look forward having a son look up to his hero father!!!!
He still needs to bond with his father and if he cries then he cries!!
It helped when I had a fun time with my daughter and her daddy. I would hold her and daddy would play with her. Then, Daddy would hold her and I would help out. After she realized daddy wasn't taking mommy away from her and I wasn't leaving her she did better!! I know your in need of some "me" time but staying around will make them both more comfy!!
I also started having daddy look silly at work and talk to her on the phone so she could her his voice and get used to it!! (Speaker phone when he talks to you if nothing else) And I pointed out pictures of daddy that we had around the house so she could see him.
You could have daddy make a video that you could let your son watch every few days. Think about it would be like a child meeting Barney!! lol!!
And have daddy sleep with a baby blanket and keep it (unwashed) so your son will notice his smell when he hold him! (This helped my daughter)
My daughter now at three just seem to have a fear of men. Especially if she don't get a chance to warm up to them at her pace!! After a while of them leaving her alone she goes to them all on her own!!! She also has very sensitive skin and it hurts her when daddy kisses her!! (Hurt me too. lol Daddy has rough chin!!)
Babies always prefer one parent over another and this is all normal. Babies enjoy there mother because they are gentle and naturally insync with the child more than the father is (that's our job!!) Men are big, rough, and have deep scary sounding voices to a small child!!
2007-08-31 18:41:48 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My husband is a Marine and has been deployed ti Iraq twice in the past 4 years. My kids were always strange towards their dad because they never see him!! At 4 months old, you are the only thing your baby knows. You feed him, you change him, you love him, you are his whole world. Tell your husband to relax and not force the issue. Start by being in the middle between your husband and baby. Sit on the couch and hold the baby, but be next to your husband. Hold the baby while you give your husband a hug and kiss. Hold the baby everytime daddy wants to give him a kiss. When your husband wants to hold the baby, your son thinks he's being taken away from you. Be the middle person for a while, and the baby will pick up that mommy thinks this person is OK, so I guess it's OK. Your baby is young, he'll out grow it. Mine did. Just give your baby time.
2007-08-31 19:45:11 · answer #2 · answered by hrcarr 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know the feeling. My husband is also in the military and he was overseas when our son was about a year old. When he came home for leave, the baby was the same way. Now we have another one that did the same thing because he was gone in the beginning.
Both times what I did was when my husband was home, I put the baby with him so the baby felt safe while sleeping and when he woke up, he was still in the "safe" bundle with my husband. My husband also would feed them, babies tend to think of a bottle and comfort together. Also, have your husband play with him while you carry him. This will make him feel safe, yet he will see that daddy is not going to hurt him. It took a while, but they bonded. Now, my boys are 4 years and 11 months, and they both prefer daddy. He plays with them constantly, so that might have something to do with it too. Give it a little time. It's frustrating for a while, but it gets better.
2007-08-31 18:35:27 · answer #3 · answered by GuardiAngel 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Here's the first thing that popped into my head: you hold the baby in your lap and have your husband sit next to the two of you. Then have him interact with him. Also have daddy get down on the ground with you and the baby during tummy time where they are interacting, but not physically in contact.
Someday there will come a time when Daddy is king and he won't feel so warm towards Mommy. Kids go through these stages. Technically what your son is going through now would probably be labeled as a type of stranger anxiety so you could search that on the internet to get more tips.
2007-08-31 18:26:03 · answer #4 · answered by Heather Y 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Every couple has experienced this. The military aspect has NOTHING to do with it.
This is how it is - and what has to happen is your husband has to face this is natural, determined by evolution. All your baby wants is you - that's healthy. That's what your baby needs to grow. Too much time with those other than you is a huge detriment to your baby. Period.
Soon, far sooner than you'll be ready for it, your son will flip for dad. If dad can be mature and accept son's needs now, and support his loving attachment to mommy. Daddy's feelings don't matter so much, you know. It's all about the baby's feelings, needs, and development.
2007-08-31 19:47:43 · answer #5 · answered by t jefferson 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Both parents need to relax. He can sense if your stressed or apprehensive. And then both of you sit with him together till he starts to adjust. Have daddy talk to him while you are holding and even sing to him. Take it slow and in about ten minutes he should be a little more calm and have daddy try and hold him. When he starts to calm you tell him it is ok. And don't snatch him back have daddy soothe him. Is he breastfed or bottle. Sometimes that makes a difference too. Make sure he has you near by till he is more comfortable with daddy. My hubby is a truck driver and had to leave the day I got home from the hospital. So I know how it is. Just take it easy and cuddle with him and let him know it is ok.
2007-08-31 18:21:59 · answer #6 · answered by littledueceb 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband is in the military as well, and I definitely know where you're coming from! The long hours give him little to no time to see our daughter some days, much less bond with her. One thing we've done is give Daddy bath time. It gives me a few minutes of time for myself, and it gives him a chance to interact with her during her favorite part of the day. He then gets her ready for bed, reads a book, and I nurse her to sleep. It's been great in so many ways - a nice bedtime routine, quality father-daughter time, and quality ME time too! It really just takes letting them have time together, and letting him learn his own ways to comfort the baby.
My husband's not deploying anytime soon (thank God), but if yours is, you might want to tape record him reading books to your son. You can also keep up lots of pictures of him and talk about him a lot, so he at least has a vague understanding of who he is. The coolest thing I've seen in a while is Flat Daddies - life size posters of servicemembers, and they make them free for families of deployed troops!
2007-09-01 01:46:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My kids did that when they were little, and my 1 year old does it, too. When I would try to get daddy to hold baby more, he would just discouraged more. So I started leaving baby with him . . . alone. After a few days, problem solved. When you're out of the house, dad has no other choice but to do his best. With you around, dad knows that you can fix anything and therefore hands baby off. AND, with you out temporarily, dad won't feel like a 'loser', since you aren't there as a comparison.
Just don't despair . . . ;p
2007-08-31 20:37:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
dont worry about it my son did the same ur the main car takker he is closer to u and with my son it was his daddy and all men at first tell ur hubby that alot of babies r like that and he will grow out of it
2007-08-31 18:31:51 · answer #9 · answered by Marilyn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not accusing anyone but has the Daddy ever physicially hurt the baby like maybe he droped him once and the Baby thinks he did it on purpose Babies remember dramatic things like that
2007-08-31 18:20:11 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 5⤋