Can you help me?

Question

I'm married but 6 months ago I met my high-school sweetheart. The minute I saw her it stirred up feelings that I haven't felt in years. We've been having an unbelievable intimate affair since and are thinking of running off together. But I'm torn because I still have feelings for my wife and feel very guilty. Although I know that I will never feel the same passion for her as I do my h.s love. I don't want to hurt my wife and want her to meet someone that deserves her. I feel so bad :'( What should I do?

Answer 1

Your wife is going to be hurt. Her experience is very different from your own. She will have a lot of growth from this and will most likely in the end meeting someone. Does not change that right now she will be hurt.
This will be different from what most people will say but stop feeling bad. You will learn from this. Your intention was not to betray your wife. You need to allow her to have her feelings in this. In life we make choices that can put us in a situation where two people can have completely different points of view and both of them are right.
It is OK for her to be heartbroken and for you to be happy and in love. Her husband betrayed her and you have found love. This is the reality of life.
There is a school of though(literally) that our lives are made up of the thoughts we are having. Lots of movies about this right now. The Secret and What the Bleep. Anyway one thing you may do is use intention to create a better outcome with your breakup. Do not think about or focus on the drama you may believe is coming. Instead focus on all of your memories of every time your wife handled things calmly and with strength. See her as a strong person who will take this as an opportunity to find a mate who values her the same way you now value your high school sweetheart.
You don't have to make her be wrong or bad to leave. Decide how you are going to be and stick to it. Be calm and be firm. Just like you could not protect her from you falling in love with someone else you can not protect her from her own journey in life. Intend to have a healthy divorce. Decide now about a fair resolution of property. I am not beating you up about this because you know that it was wrong and hurtful. You really need to man up and ask yourself if you were even ready to be married yet. This is a mess and I hope that you can get some tools from this. Please take the time and learn from this. Don't get married until your ready or this will always be your result.
The truth is you both will survive this. Coming out of it happily will be making the decision to be happy. I really in my deepest heart hope that all three of you find your greatest happiness.

Answer 2

Ever watch the movie Little Children?

If you did maybe you'd know were I'm getting at.

If not...then here:

You can't run away from things. If you want to leave your wife, tell her the truth about yourself and your HS sweet heart. She'll feel like everything was a lie and that you idnt value her enough, to let her know what was really going on with you.

You married her though, and made a commitment. But I understand how you feel. If you really believe you couldnt love your wife the way you do for your HS sweet heart, then yes, you should let your wife go...

But this thing with your 'sweet heart' how do you know this will last?

How do you know the passion you are feeling wont die out?

If the feelings you are describing are what I'm thinking they are. A feeling so genuin, a feeling you couldnt feel for more than one person. The feeling that just lets you know, this is it, this is where I want to be. If the feeling is that strong, so strong.

Then things should be obvious.

Your wife will feel very hurt and betrayed, but your dooming your both with unreal happiness, if you stay.

She deserves to have a husband who feels for her so strongly that he would never question leaving her...

It's up to you.

Do what's right for all three of you.

Explain things to her. Hope for the best.

Si-Lynn

Answer 3

Wow, first off this is something that need to be dealt w/ outside the INTERNET. lol, I mean, go seek counsel or Godly counsel(if a believer in Christ Jesus).

Basically what I see is that, you & your high school sweetheart broke apart, you thought it will never happen again, filled the void w/another female, high school sweetheart shows back up & it's like a refreshing cause you never thought that this relationship would have a second chance.

In my case, since I'm a Christian, I would have sought God before marriage(not saying you didn't, I'm not for sure), & also took it to my pastors so me & my significant other can be talked to one on one about the decision we are making & rather this person is for us. But if there is no higher being that you are subject too then I really don't know what you can do.

Answer 4

You should do what is right and not what it that you want. You're a married man and you have a responsibility with your family. The saying that "life is short and we should do what would make us happy" is not true. What is right is what we should do. Feeling bad signifies that what you are doing is not right. Talk to your high school sweetheart "SHE" and not your wife should look for someone "MUCH MUCH BETTER than you" Your already belong to your wife and your family, She is not. Passion can pass us by. It disappears with age. But love and respect, we will bring it with us thru old age. Your right, your wife doesnt deserve you, but she accepts it and dont complain. So y should you?

Answer 5

Why do people always forget that x's are x's for a reason. If this HS made you so happy then you and her would have still been together.
You are trying to relive a part of your past. A part where you didn't have any responiblity. Not worried about bill ect or the mondane things of day to day life.
If you run away with your HS you will soon remember why you two are no longer together.
May I suggest that you get a divorce reguardless of you choose your HS or not because your wife deserves a husband who is honest and honorable not a cheater

Answer 6

Well I think if you really felt bad Maybe you would'nt be cheating on her! Why not get a divorce first? Oh yeah that would have been the right thing to do! You are having a steamy Affair with your ex because she's a fantasy. ANd just remeber if she would cheat with you a married man then she'll probably cheat on you also. Do your wife a favor and let her go. She deverves better than you!

Answer 7

sounds like your going to do what you want like leaving.. just be sure that is truely what you want.. when you have these feeling for the h.s. girl you have to think is this something i am willing to give my wife up for. when your feeling this remember after the new of her wears off will she still be the one for you. its a lot to think about but in the end its up to you.. your wife i am sure will maybe move on in time but the pain you will cause her will run deep in her. nothing worse then a women scorned. also will the other woman be able to handle all of it. just dont drag them both along for long time and not doing something. either leave the wife or let the h.s. sweetheart go.. good luck

Answer 8

wow, thats a hard one! Are you sure that things will 'last' with the h.s sweetheart, or is it just going to be a "fling" I know there are a lot of girls out there that just want to see if the man would leave their g/f, wife, what have you, just for the satisfaction of knowing they were able to do it, know what I mean. I really hope you make the right choice.

Answer 9

You should grow up

You can't have it both ways, either you love your wife, or you don't, no half way. I could go on and on about how pathetic this is, but there is a quote from a song that i would just love to give you.

Then what?
What you gonna do
When the new wears off
And the old shines through
And it ain't really love
And it ain't really lust
You ain't anybobdy anybody's gonna trust
Then what?
Where you gonna turn
When you can turn back
For the bridges you've burned
And fate can't wait
To kick you in the butt
Then what

Think about it

Answer 10

this is terrible terrible TERRIBLE!
Your poor wife.
you should have thought about a divorce before the affair. Maybe spared her some hurt!
Dont just RUN off. Man up to what you have done.
your wife DESERVES that at least.

I probably sound like a ***** but i dont care b/c imagine how YOU would feel if the situation were reversed?