Am I a stalker? (Follow up)?

Question

Well, I asked and obsessed over the question a while back of whether or a not I was a stalker (see links below). The answer seemed kind of up in the air, but it seems the healthy thing for me to do is to avoid this girl. And that's what I've done. I don't look at her. I go out of my way to avoid passing by her work area or even making eye contact. I'd hate for her to think that I'm all of a sudden mad at her and plotting some kind of revenge, but this is my only solution for the time being. I don't want to keep fooling myself with these vain dreams of me and her getting together. Thinking about her only seems to open the door to more counterproductive behavior. I don't know if this is even really a question. I'm just looking for... not advice, just thoughts peppered w/ advice.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Amt7UkqcQHkwF3S5nb.zXWDty6IX?qid=20070803205159AAhO7CF

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Ap4FoAdRW3iBUC3fT87Fh7vty6IX?qid=20070803152732AAqs0Kr

"You need to file a restraining order against yourself"

I don't even know what this means. Is it supposed to be funny? This whole situation isn't funny in the least. Maybe I'm missing something and I'm just being uptight, but this is something serious to me. Some people have problems with alcohol, others with their temper. This is mine.

Even if you're serious, you seem to be saying that i'm a worthless human being and I should just give up on myself and all changes I try to make in myself are pointless. But maybe Im overreacting.

Answer 1

It's really difficult for any of us to say whether or not your behavior has been clearly inappropriate: we don't have enough information. We really only have your side to this story, and it may or may not be biased. However, if you really, truly feel you haven't done anything wrong, maybe (and this is just one theory here), what has happened here is an unfortunate product of a lack of clear communication between the two of you. It sounds like maybe you missed her "non-verbal" cues (that she probably thought she was giving) that would have clued you in to the fact that she really didn't want your emails. However, in your defense, it would've been more productive (and perhaps more fair) if she had simply told you that she desired no further contact.

How I would avoid this same scenario from repeating in the future (with someone else) is to simply ask if you can send emails (or communicate further): ask if they would be welcomed or not. Then respect that person's decision, and also understand that permission granted is something that can be revoked at any given time. Then there is less chance for misunderstanding.

You are doing the right thing in avoiding this person now. You don't want any more drama, and likely she doesn't, either.

*peace*

Answer 2

I feel for you, I really do. What I see is that you are perhaps a little socially awkward, perhaps don't pick up on social cues very well. I'm concerned that you're going to find yourself in a similar situation again. You don't seem like a bad person, or even a stalker. But if you can't understand nonverbal cues and it comes down to you seeing fear in someone's eyes before you realize your attention is unwelcome, you could find yourself in legal trouble.

It ultimately doesn't matter why you are having social problems, what's important is to realize that most people pick up on nonverbal cues to aid their interpersonal communication and that you need to develop this. I would suggest starting by seeing a physician so that any physiologic cause can be ruled out, such as a mild form of Asperger's. If no physical cause is found, they can help guide you to a therapist or counseling group that can help you. I would think a group would be beneficial because then you would be practicing the very skills you need. Good luck.

Answer 3

Get treated!

"Obsessions are involuntary, seemingly uncontrollable thoughts, images, or impulses that occur over and over again in a person’s mind. The person does not want to have these ideas, finds them disturbing and intrusive, and usually recognizes that they don’t really make sense. They commonly crop up when someone is trying to focus on an intentional thought or activity...

What treatment is available for OCD?
OCD is not usually curable, but it is highly treatable, in that effective treatment can greatly reduce the occurrence of obsessive thoughts and compulsive rituals. A combination of behavior therapy and medication seems to offer the best long-term improvement."
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/obsessive_compulsive_disorder_ocd.htm

See also:
http://understanding_ocd.tripod.com/ocd_obsessions.html#Violent/SexualObsessions

Answer 4

youre doing good by fighting whatever temtations you have, but what you need to do is get a fair party to monitor and have a talk with her, it sounds like alittle therope might help you. but dont feel bad, weve all got problems you took a big step in realizing your problems and trying to fix them :- )

Answer 5

You need to file a restraining order against yourself.