Try to imagine... You are in love, deep passionate love. You have been with your significant other for 2.5 years. Celebrated many holidays together with both families. Then one day you are engaged. Things are wonderful and exciting and new and fabulous. Occasional arguments? Like any other couple in the world, normal, right? Then a few months before the wedding, one of them cancel it because it is just to stressful and just too much. They want to have a destination wedding. Then that person cancels everything all together and it becomes so very sour and weird and uncomfortable. So you leave your home that you share togther. Keep in mind that coworkers, friends, family, and clients want to know EVERYTHING at least EVERY day. and you have no idea wtf is going on because that "love of you life" has showed up again and is calling, pursing, loving you.... like you were used to not long ago . You are so very confused also. So, just wondering, how bad would a situation like this embarass you?
2007-08-31 16:57:33 · 40 answers · asked by BrusselSprouts 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
not at all. it's life. talk with him and find out what's going on in that head of his. get counselling if you need to but don't marry him just to be married.
2007-09-01 03:13:40 · answer #1 · answered by oldsoftee2001 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It'd be pretty embarassing but not as embarassing as if you were still living together. You do have some distance now and some freedom to assess the situation and give it time. I would not move back in with this person unless I married him and we were moving in together as a married couple.
Whenever anyone wants to know the news, just say, 'We're keeping it low-key and there is no certain marriage in the future. Can't explain exactly why - there just isn't.'
Stick to that response and if you repeat it often enough, the interest will die down. You'll have a little more breathing space.
That 'love of your life' may be more comfortable with the pursuing and wooing than the actual idea of marrying. For now, you could enjoy that but not have any hopes of a wedding very soon. Maybe the real feelings about commitment and the ceremony will get 'shaken out' in the next year or so. You may find new direction together or feel comfortable going in separate directions. Don't force it! You're not pregnant, thank God, and don't even consider it - major mistake as a remedy for couples conflicts!
You don't HAVE to get married this moment. Take your time. It will work out. As cause for embarassment, this is very very minor.
2007-09-08 04:05:07 · answer #2 · answered by kathyw 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would be embarrasing, but the upside is that luckily, you aren't stuck in an awful or dead end marriage. If he was having second thoughts, it was better to call the wedding off than to go through with it just because everyone else thought it'd be a good idea.
I would have a difficult time trusting this person again, however. It would take serious communication and a long time of working it out before I could consider being in a relationship with them again, if then.
When everyone else wants to talk with you about it, just answer, "I'd prefer to not talk about it." After a few answers like that, they'll quit asking. They probably just like you and feel that asking you is a way of saying they care, then again, some people are just nosey!
Best of luck... don't rush into anything.
Wildflower
2007-08-31 17:05:44 · answer #3 · answered by Wildflower 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know preparing, deciding, and planning a wedding can be stressful and a little overwhelming. If you parted just because of the wedding plans, then there is always and court house but if you broke up for other reasons then that's something else.
Clients, friends, coworkers, are nosey so-in-sos. No need to keep them in the loop, it's none of they're business. I'm sure that there is some embarrassment involved but not enough to stop you from closing the door behind you on that issue.
You need to seriously communicate to this man before getting anymore involved. If your not satisfied with the relationship or where it's going, then move on.
2007-09-07 03:22:42 · answer #4 · answered by hugskisses4707 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you were too open and gave a "minute-by-minute dissertation" to everyone who asked for it and over a long period of time, then yes I'd be embarrassed. Somewhere along the line, maybe this is the time, that you will learn not to tell everyone everything, then you won't be embarrassed. My mother used to tell me that when you've found someone then never let people know, don't let them know anything at all about him....that saves you a lot of grief.
If you're confused then it's time to sit down with the person and do a lot of discussing, to decide where you both are going, or are you both going in one direction. Find out what the fear of marriage is, and what halted them from making the commitment. Apparently someone doesn't know the other person well enouigh to marry.
You need a good excuse to tell the gossipers. Tell them someone got sick in the family so you decided to put it off for a while. That's all they need to know. Get involved in a college course and do a lot of talking about that to throw them off the track.
2007-09-08 04:05:12 · answer #5 · answered by sophieb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is time to tell everyone else that you prefer to keep your private affairs just that, private. Do not give them the fuel or the power to make you feel embarrassed. I am sure that if some of them had their private lives up for speculation and discussion, that they might have a few embarrassments too.
Stop worrying about what others think and do what you think is right and will make you happy. Sometimes brief periods of depression can make a person act strange... Try to find out what is really going on in this persons head. It will help you reach an answer.
2007-08-31 17:13:42 · answer #6 · answered by jules 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you shouldn't be living together before you get married. If the old flame did come back a lengthy heart to heart talk would be necessary to make sure that everyone is on the same page and so that forgiveness could be established. Before going ahead with such a relationship you need to make sure the confusion is gone. By putting God in the middle of this relationship a lot of problems could be avoided. Go ahead. He won't hurt you. He is like a father to you. Just do it!
2007-09-08 15:44:57 · answer #7 · answered by JesusIsTheAnswer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being embarrassed is NOT what you should be thinking about! It's your life you are planning. It sounds as if the wedding planning is just too much "over the top"!
Sit down together & talk it out - honestly. Or, if that isn't happening, go to a counselor. Sounds as if you are in love, but stress is too much. And... try keeping your personal life more 'personal'!
2007-09-07 13:55:21 · answer #8 · answered by Da Bomb 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes a person doesn't know what they have until they release it.
However if one were to become involved again things would be done a little differently for example they would need to go to Vegas for a quick wedding then perhaps a wedding reception in there home town. This way the "stress won't be there".
2007-08-31 18:10:01 · answer #9 · answered by wondermom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have nothing to be embarrassed about you did nothing wrong...though I understand it..when people ask just tell them its still to hard to talk about..if they really care about whats going on they will wait until you are ready to address the situation. I think sometimes people confuse being attached to being in love and maybe this is what he is dealing with, now I am not insinuating that he does not love you.. but maybe is just not in love with you..and its hard being without you...I would say the sooner this all ended the sooner you could move on and would have to deal with embarrassing questions. If you think that this realtionship has a chance..ask him if he is not sure he wants to pursue things move on
2007-09-08 14:15:43 · answer #10 · answered by Jennifer C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my husband (boy friend then) got cold feet a month before our marriage....i was devastated, embarrassed and most of all angry, i could have killed him....after a few days, he came back to me, i was quiter then and ready to listen to him....he apologized the best he could and gave me his reasons (the worst reason was that he listened to what his entourage told him)....but what we did was talk and he told me all his concerns : my faith, i am a believer, he is an atheist, children : when, how many and how we were going to raise them, our vision of life, our personal projects and so on...i think we talked more than we ever did before, i mean that was serious talk because every word counted....even though i was still a little bit desappointed, it felt good....since we were still in love we decided to get back together, but first i made him promise me that next time he talks about mariage, he was going to really mean it, otherwise i was going to kill him for real....then months later, we eloped...no big wedding, just the two of us and two of our closest friends....we told our families a month later....it's been 4 years now and not a day goes by without him telling me how much he loves me....follow your heart, don't listen to what people say because they will always have something to say....we all make mistakes, it just happened to be him, not you....if it was for an other woman, i would tell you to forget about him, but ask him to tell you his real reasons, don't let him go without telling you why, not to make him feel better but for you, so that you can go on with your own life, with or without him....good luck
2007-09-06 14:34:30 · answer #11 · answered by alphi t 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋