Husband & I separated 8 months ago b/c of bad financial strains & communication issues. 2 months after, he began seeing someone. A month after that, we started seeing each other again, no sex but dating, talking about our problems, figuring out what went wrong & if we can have a future together. It's now month 8 and we have continued dating-no sex but kissing, flirting,etc. He is "cheating" on his girlfriend with his wife. We went out last week-had a great time. Had serious discussions about what it will take for him to come back home. This week he accuses me of sending his girlfriend nasty evil text messages which I did not. My phone records show I did not. He said he saw the text messages & my phone# was on them. He's upset-feels I've ruined all the progress we were making while he's trying to sort out his feelings. I'm upset b/c he's like Jekyll & Hyde & won't listen to me, look at my phone records, etc..Cold feet I guess?I guess I should forget him & move on but it's hard?
2007-08-31 16:24:51 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Uhmmm that's just odd. I think he's immature as well, or that the other know's about him cheating on her and put up the text's herself, which I really wouldn't doubt, women can be that desperate. Why dont you try talking to him and see how it goes, if he still accuses you of sending the texts, move on, knowing you were right. He either doesn't want to face the truth or he's too stupid to realize the truth, again I wouldn't doubt that, men can be oblivious at times.
2007-08-31 16:45:19 · answer #1 · answered by Ash 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds as if he was trying to have his cake and eat it too.
And I find it a bit strange that he was dating you as his wife, but not having intimate relations. Yet at the same time seeing this other person. He will continue this behavior as long as you allow it. If he is serious about reconciliation, he should've kicked that gf to the curb a long time ago! And the text message thing is just an excuse on his part.
Do your really want to throw yourself and your pride under the bus for someone that is not even giving you or your marriage a fair shake? Do not allow yourself to fall into a false sense of security, or be used. This guy has made his intentions ( via his actions) very clear. Even though 18 years is a long time, when it's over, it's over. Try to pick up the pieces for you and your kids, and move on without him.
2007-08-31 16:43:57 · answer #2 · answered by MoonGoddess 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know what you are going through because when my husband and i separated one month later we started going out on dates had sex.He had a girlfriend i knew nothing about reason why he moved out in the first place but like i said i knew nothing about her. It was fun i would stay over night with him at his apartment and he would stay with me, he was cheating on his girlfriend with me. Long story short 2 1/2 years later he moved back in with me and that is when i found out about his girlfriend because she planted things in his clothes that only i would find. Talk about hurt that hurt more then him walking out on me. Do you think his girlfriend did that to you,you know she did, but why would he take her side for that reason alone you should tell him you don't want to see him ever again. When he talks to you tell him not to call unless he is coming home to you you can't and won't go through this any longer. Believe me i know how hard it is the month before we started to see each other again i cried all day long I lost 20lbs in one month but as bad as i felt i knew he had to do what he needed to do in order to find his way back to me. Give your husband the space he needs and soon he will miss you he will come around, after all you two have something his girlfriend don't your heart and kids. My husband and i were married 18 years when he left me, that was 10 years ago and when he came back to me he was so different he now showed me his feelings and love. It's now 28 years we been married and i would say that the separation was the best thing he could have done because it showed him just how good we were together and to think he could of lost it all and for what he can't even give me a good reason to why he put me through all that but it is what it is at least we are together that's all that really matters now isn't it.
2007-08-31 17:19:53 · answer #3 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is seeing you and the both of you are working on getting back together why should he even be staying involved with this girlfriend?? The girlfriend should have been sent on her way if your husband was really sincere in reconciling the marriage with you and this girlfriend should not even be in the picture at this point. It sounds like your husband doesn't even know what he wants and is not honest with this girlfriend and playing her along and lying to her! Why is he even protecting her and then getting all bent out of shape about her stupid cell phone? I would not invest another day with this man and tell him to stick the girlfriends cell phone up where the sun don't shine. Don't let this man mess with your emotions telling you that you have ruined everything on the progress ...because he isn't truthfully working toward anything to get angry with you over this woman still keeping her around. I am sorry but this man isn't right to either one of you and would not put up with his sorry behind....not over a dam girlfriend that should have been sent on her way because he keeps coming around you! The only way I would even consider this man in my life would be if he dropped the woman and went into marriage counseling with me...other than that I would move on in my life without him and not let him waste my time!! You deserve to find someone that knows that he wants only you and that would be right in a relationship. Don't put up with being treated like your second best...he either knows that he wants to be with you by now or he doesn't. Take care of yourself and the best of luck to you.
2007-08-31 18:05:03 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's guilty because he's cheating on his girlfriend with his wife? No, that's not correct. Just because you separate doesn't mean he can go and date others. Not unless you have filed for divorce and are awaiting judgment. He's cheating on you. I'd forget him and move on.
2007-08-31 16:41:29 · answer #5 · answered by M M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the 1st requirement for him to come home...lose the girlfriend!!!!! Chances are your kids sent the text messages-I can't imagine dad's girlfriend is popular?
2007-08-31 20:48:37 · answer #6 · answered by bikinibabewannabe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with moongodess, but you don't have 3 kids, you have 4!
He does want his cake and eat it too.
He is still your husband and you his wife, he is commiting adultry, pure and simple.
Pull away, don't let him control you like this.
He is WRONG and you are right, pure and simple.
Run forrest, run!
2007-08-31 16:49:45 · answer #7 · answered by kitty 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! You and I should get together & write a book. But there's gotta be sex. Sex sells.
2007-08-31 16:37:19 · answer #8 · answered by WILLIAM W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may be time to forget about him and move on...Look he is taking sides with the girlfriend and your his wife...I would tell him to blow it out his back side...You dont need this crude, let him figure things out on his own...Something he should have done before he got in another relationship...
2007-08-31 16:42:38 · answer #9 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him when he gets his act cleaned up to give you a call. In the mean time make yourself available for dating others also.
2007-08-31 16:39:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋