If a guy is good enough to be friends with why not good enough to date?

Question

Ok this is a follow up question to my last one. The answer is obvious for men because we need to be physically attracted to women to want to date them.

But for women who claim to like "personality" so much I have to wonder... if a guys personality is good enough for him to be your best friend....why isn't he good enough to date? This is what makes no sense to me. Whats that extra thing that needs to be there for him to be boyfriend material?

All women I've been friends with always ended up wanting to date me so I assumed women only befriend men they can see themselves dating later... hmmm

Answer 1

There is a certain chemistry between people to make them want to pursue something more than friendship. It's not an issue of not being good enough--that chemistry is not there. And it's not based on anything. My best male friend is extremely good looking (to others) but I see him as a brother. He's good enough, he's just not right for me. It's like my friendships with women. There's something in our relationships that I love, but I don't want to sleep with them. Good enough isn't the issue. Not all friends should be lovers, and not all lovers can be friends.

Answer 2

the friendship thing is kind of like a safety net to protect women from getting hurt to often in relationships to see if it more than sex.
in some cases friend ship is like a test drive
women want to get to know the man for his intellect, personality, sense of humor, spirituality, and how well they can connect emotionally; without having the sexual stuff clouding things up.
if the friend meets the criteria then they are looked at in a sexual way; if there is sexual tension, would they make a good lover, a great husband, and a terrific father.
If they meet that criteria then they can get out of the friendship lot and move on to boyfriend mode where everything is being examined over and over again. and eventually on to husband and so on.
but if not all the criteria is met they are kept as a friend
there is not messy break up, long list of ex's, and a friendship is saved before it can be ruined.

Answer 3

Okay, the physical attraction is just as important to women. But once we get to know the person we need something more than a pretty face to keep our interest. I am assuming it is the same for men. I have been attracted to a guy, got to know him and he turned out to be a jerk and I wasn't attracted to him anymore. The opposite has happened too. I wasn't attracted to someone and we got to know each other, became friends, and he became more attractive.
My now husband told another friend that he had a crush on me and I found out. At first I wasn't interested, because I didn't think of him that way. But he was persistent and continuously flirted with me. He won me over and now we are about the celebrate our 7th wedding anniversary.
If a girl doesn't want to date her best friend, maybe she just doesn't think of him in that way. A lot of girls may think of their best guy friends more like brothers. Would you date someone you thought of as a sister?

Answer 4

Maybe the women you know befriend men they see dating later, but I sure don't. In addition to personality, there needs to be chemistry and sexual attraction in order to want to go out with somebody.
I have lots of male friends that are good looking and have great personalities, but I've never felt that spark with any of them. My husband is also my friend, and he has a great personality, but I knew he was not going to be just a friend when the world started spinning when we met.

Answer 5

Yes, women look at personality first when they want to date someone. Sometimes some key ingredient is missing in that personality is missing for a relationship but not for a friendship. Like maybe how the man talks about his ex. You don't want to date him if you know he is going to be ripping on you later after you break up. But just staying friends with him is okie dokie. Boyfriend material to me means that he has to have staying power. Male friends like to bale when you get emotional and hormonal and that is ok, but a boyfriend has to ride the storm out.

Answer 6

I think you're definitely on to something here. I've noticed the same thing. I've had tons and tons of female friends throughout my life, and they all have ONE thing in common. No, two, sorry. First, they thought I was attractive. Two, they wanted to date me. So they'd become my friend with the hope of dating me. Every single girl. Not most. Not almost all of them. Every. Single. One. I think they really do want the things that they say "only those pigs (AKA men) want" and just pretend otherwise. Personality does matter, but not till later.

Answer 7

I do not base romantic attraction on looks BUT i am not romantically attracted to every man i "like" Why would I be? God but wouldn't THAT be a mess.

I must be physically attracted to the guy to date him. I'm sure both men and women feel that way. Men are simply more visual, while most women tend to be more auditory and tactile in their approach. We need physical attraction no less, it's just based on different information. Sometimes a good personality MAKES you look good to us.

Answer 8

For most women, there needs to be something "spicy" in the man they're going to date, and that takes more than being a friend. Sadly, it often specifically means not acting like a friend some of the time.

Answer 9

Doesn't this have something to do with physical attraction?
I have many male friends who are just that.
Two of my closest friends are male and I have known both for years.
I like them because we have the same interests, they are always there if I need help as I am for them, but I wouldn't in a million years think of dating them.
Why?
I suppose it's that the men I date I am attracted to in a different way.
I cannot explain it.

Answer 10

i have a friend and he is an awesome friend but a bad boyfriend. he doesnt connect well when its supposed to be a closer relationship almost like he changes when he becomes concious of something more romantic. he has personal conflicts that prevent him from being able to realy be intimate and im talking intimate on an emotional leval. but as a friend he is kind and supportive a good listener a good talker and fun to be around. he is a good guy in general but that does not make him a shoe in for a boyfriend or husband. women (in general) like to connect emotionaly and mentaly to the man before marriage it is an instinctual way of checkin to see if he is "man enough" if you will pardon the expression.