My husband tells me the reason we are getting a divorce is because we weren't having enough sex. And after23yr

Question

he is trying to put the blame on me.the reason we didn't have sex is because he was having sex with other woman and we had 2 children and I had to worry about contracting a std and dying. Does this make sence to anyone else but me. I stayed with him hoping he would quit and come to his sences. He also tells me that I have turned our children against him because I told them about this other woman but I had to tell them I kicked him out of the house . I had to tell the kids why or they would have tought I lost my mind. Is he just stupid or does he have a point or am I crazy for kicking him out . I am so confused We had been married for 23yrs and I CANT GET OVER HIM.

uyitone I am 5ft 36 24 30 dark skin dark eyes and I weigh 100 lbs I take very good care of myself and am consedered attractive by much younger men. U wouldn't have a chance with me

concidered

Answer 1

You are getting a divorce because your husband is a child. Don't try to figure out what's going on in his mind or his motives. Just count your blessings that it's over. You CAN and WILL get over him.

Answer 2

Unfortunately you arent crazy and like most women you give so much of yourself that even when they do wrong you dont want to leave. You have invested so much time but when you look at it thats all it was . .time. At some point both of you just kept going through the motions and you got somewhat numb to his behavior. Like most women you stay hoping they will go back to how you met them or change. The reality is change comes from within and if he is that selfish to cheat on you and put you at risk then you are better off without him. If your children are somewhat grown or at an age where they know right from wrong only he made them look at him in a negative manner. You kicked him out and that is a start to getting "YOU" back. Its a start for something better even though right now it may not seem so. YOu spent 23yrs with this man but how many really did you spend with him? Its nothing wrong with missing him but dont say you cant get over him , you are just choosing not too right now. It will get better but you can do bad by yourself you dont need someone to help you. Unless he is willing to change and get counseling , you cant make him. Love you first now because you loved someone that didnt know how to love you back in the ways that you needed.

Answer 3

SOMETHING led him to other women in the first place.... maybe he wasn't getting everything he "WANTED" or needed at home from you when he FIRST started seeing other women... NOT an excuse but I'm just saying that maybe at first there WAS something missing and he didn't know how to tell you so he just went out and found himself someone to satisfy him.... NOT the best thing to do in a marriage I might add... Ok so he gets caught and tries to make YOU the blame.....well, AFTER he started having the affairs, I sure would NOT have touched him either if I was you..... and maybe it wasn't up to YOU to tell your children what he did---maybe HE should have told them what he did......maybe you both should have sat down with the children and let HIM tell them in front of YOU that he had another woman..... Now, you can't get over him because obviously you still LOVE him...... 23 YEARS is a very long time to be with one man and you will NOT get over him in one day, in one month. maybe not even in ONE YEAR.... but time WILL take care of the hurt and the pain....UNLESS you decide you want him BACK....he may be playing on those feelings too to make you WANT to take him back....only YOU can know what is right for you---forgive him and take him back or move on with your life and TRY to get over him.... it will take time no matter what you decide....

Answer 4

Kick him to the curb and be glad. Adultery is on the top 10 of do not's!!

You are right, he could have killed you with aids or really sick with std's.

You will get over him, it will take awhile but a cheater will always be a cheater.

I have zero tolerance for infidelity as you can well tell.

That is probably one of the main things that keeps me and my husband together, we have the knowledge and respect to never cheat on each other as we both had previous marriages where the other spouse cheated and it hurts!!

I do not know how old your children are, but bottom line, that's their dad so sharing the gruesome details on why was probably not the best idea, but you were hurting and wanted to vent.

next time, vent to your mom or sister or good friend, but leave them out of it as much as possible..

Good luck, you'll be fine, make sure to get child support and spousal support, he plays, he pays!

Answer 5

Let me start by saying 23 yrs is not something that just goes away. Maybe in his mind the justification for his wrong doing is that you guys stopped having sex often. No matter wha he says or anyone else says, you should be proud of yourself because you stood up for yourself and respected your heart and body enough to say no. when you love someone and they hurt you, you began to look for reasons why. The first finger you point is the one to yourself. The questions is alway did I do something wrong. Right now you are looking for an explanation and there may not be one available yet. All I can say is kudo's honey. The confusion and the pain does not go away overnight, in days, in months, or years. It goes away when you stop asking why and start saying Because I Love Me. He lost you and you gained you. Congratulations, you are a very lucky woman to have such a great woman that loves you enough to let her pain go. Love yourself now and it is never to late to love someone else again. Good luck and be proud you still love yourself enough to take control.

Answer 6

He is running a guilt trip on you, to try and get the spotlight off of his OWN horrible behavior! Even though I'm sure this situation is extremely painful and scary for you, in the end it you really will be better off. To think that you sat there and suffered for all of those years! Don't you suffer one more minute then you have to, get your divorce and take his butt to the cleaners! Seriously. You and your kids deserve MUCH better. It also probably wouldn't hurt for you and your kids to get into some type of counseling. You may not realize it, but this has really eaten to the core of your self esteem, and don't think for a moment that the children didn't notice that something was wrong. You can get through this, and will be better off.

Answer 7

No.. you are not crazy. He cheated, you forgave him and gave him who knows how many chances, and he did it again. He is wrong, period. Do not let him make you feel like you did something wrong. I don't know the whole story, but at least in this part, you are not wrong. Did you cheat on him? Did you lie to him & betray him? Did you expose him to possible STD's? Did you expose your children to any germs picked up while cheating with random women/men? NOOO. It is not your fault. You didn't make him cheat or drive him to cheat. The bottom line is that he didn't respect you enough to keep his willie where it belongs, in his pants, or at home with you. The only reason he is blaming it on you and trying to make you feel bad by saying you turned the children against him, is to make himself feel better for ruining his own life. He probably has begun to wake up and realize just how much he messed up and this time you are not going to let it go. So it is easier to blame you then to stand up like a man and take responsibility for his actions. By the way he turned his children against himself when he chose to betray his family for a few minutes of fun. Period. Do not feel bad, and just know that even though this is hard, you will be ok. You deserve better anyway!

Answer 8

Sounds like my ex. - a high controller... blaming wife for everything he thinks is wrong in the marriage... making excuses for why his infidelity is ok... Your husband has an addictive personality.

I don't know the age of your children. I told mine why my husband stated he left, and their reply was that it proved that THEY were the reason he left us.

You simply told your children the facts. In the future, you might feel this was not the best choice, but hopefully you didn't try to turn them against him. Let them make their own opinions.

I was married 21 years. Having him gone was the best thing.
I later realized that, even though I had married him because I loved him, he wasn't capable of making the commitment to marriage, and I had to love him enough to let him go and not be part of my life. He left me because I cut off his avenues of emotional and verbal abuse as well as physical abuse. It was the nicest thing he did for me.

You CAN and you WILL get over him. You just need to realize that HE has a problem... and you can't fix him and you have to love him by letting him go. Like my ex, yours may not be capable of making the commitment needed to make a good marriage.

Answer 9

The only correct answer to your "question" in your mind is one that validates your actions. I agree with you being concern about STD's, but do not understand you wanting to stay with him without sex of any kind. What did you expect him to do other than get a divorce. A marriage without sex is a marriage on only on paper to me. And it appears he may be right in you turning the children against him. You wanted to hurt him and strike out at him. You did something I never did, I never told my children anything negative about their father. He is their father, and they will form their own opinions without my bias input. You could have always told them that there were adult issues for the separation and divorce and you did not feel they were older enough to understand your position. What has been done can not be undone. Its your life and your choice, and it is time to move on.

Answer 10

When you're not having sex with him, he might just think you don't love him anymore but YOU'RE RIGHT. If he has sex with other women, it proves that he doesn't 100% love you. There's no need at all to have sex with other women when he already has A BEAUTIFUL WIFE LIKE YOU!!! If he forces you to have sex with him when you don't wnat to, then he's not maintaining a healthy relationship. All you can do about this is kick him out permanetly and find the perfect man who loves you the way you are and BE STRONG! BE CONFIDENT! When I do soemthing with confidence, i feel much better about doing it and then I end up doing great!

Answer 11

It sounds like you basically got back with him for the kids sake, and because you love him. Wow! after 23 yrs, its gotta be tough. No your not crazy for kicking him out. But you cant let him think this is all over with just because you let him move back in. You have every right to feel unsafe about having sex with him. He has no respect for you to even expect it. I don't know the whole situation, so its hard to say. But I think after 23 yrs, it is hard just to let someone go. You must have a big heart. One the kids......what if this other woman ended up pregnant......they would've eventually found out anyway. Nobody turned them against him but him, because he turned his back on his family.

Good Luck!