I have written a true life account of an interesting event in my recent life. Will you critique it for me?

Question

VERY grateful for critiques, positive or negative or simple reactions to this piece I wrote about love after death, unrequited love and friendship.

The following is a direct link to the piece I wrote as it is on my blog and way too long to post here:

http://meanderingtrevor.blogspot.com/2007/08/this-is-love-kiddo.html

Thanks in advance. The piece has been accepted for publication in a UK mag but I want to rework it if any of you have any criticisms

to the guy below who complained about my spelling of 'realised'
The spelling is UK and in fact the rest of the English speaking world spells as I do and America is the one that has changed the Wnglish language LOLOL

Answer 1

Thank you for letting me read your story. It is excellent and I was very moved by your words. Great success to you.

Answer 2

Your writing style is excellent. No one could fault it.

However

For your own sake, get over the angst, it really isn't necessary to open a vein in order to write -- in fact its downright silly. If that story is true then I pity you for being willing to do such a thing to yourself and to someone that you love and for being able to somehow twiddle your conscience into permitting it. I for one treasure every friend and every bit of life and I always will. Lest you think that I have never known sorrow, not only have we buried all of our immediate birth families, but nearly three years ago we spent several days sitting in a hospital, waiting for me to get scraps of time with the boy I raised, as he slipped away from this plane after an automobile accident coming home on Thanksgiving morning. That has not and will not keep us from adopting another, or, as we are now discussing, hiring a surrogate mother.

This does not belittle your pain, but I do not believe that your Steve or my Pete are sitting beyond the pale ordering us to mourn them; rather, I think that from spirit they encourage us to be happy, to move on, and (in my opinion, I am NOT atheist - though I am certainly by no stretch an extremist either) to one day be reunited with them beyond this world.

For now listen to your loved one's spirit that you do not believe in, and live.

Kind thoughts,

Reyn
[e-mail]

Answer 3

in the beginning, your link doesnt' paintings. Secondly, why are all your issues inner maximum? How is somebody meant to get an thought of what you're all approximately in the event that they can't examine your questions and solutions? What have you ever get carry of to cover?

Answer 4

pretty good and to be honest if it is already accepted, then I would leave it alone..............

BUT the only bit I would tweak if need be would be the very last sentence......just sticks out as hm mm wrong is NOT the right word but sort of stands out and not in a good way.

regards and glad you heart is unbroken........maybe one day you will find the person deserving of you.

]Brit in Florida]

Answer 5

I can't believe it is to be published, unless there is to be a lot of editing. The grammar is atrocious, I am afraid, and the adjectives don't make much sense. But it can be fixed up, so keep trying.

Answer 6

What an interesting story! Good job. I think it's fine the way it is.

Answer 7

I have currently enjoyed too much pinot noir to read all of that. I will come back tomorrow and read it for you. Best of luck mate.

Answer 8

Dear WDYS,
Vary touching Thank you for sharing it.
Hugs,
Penny

Answer 9

wow.
that's crazyness. but a very unique story,

Answer 10

Sorry, it lost my attention when realized was spelled as "realised".

Who is going to publish this?