My Husband cheated on me.?

Question

What should I do? 3 days before our anniversary I found out my husban was seeing another girl, It broke my heart when he told me He was not sure if he still loved me. Well we kind of worked through it but I can't stop thinking about some of the hurtfull things he said to me. and Text messages I read that he wrote to her, He told her things like he wished he was with her and not me, and said he would divorse me for her. Well He also works with her and everytime he goes to work, I just feel sick to my stomach that he is still talking to her. What should I do? I am HEART BROKEN!

Answer 1

hate to say it girl but i think if you cant trust him after he does that i would go and file a divorce but thats my opinion.

Answer 2

I hate to write it, because it is so sad, but you shouldn't stay married to him He ruined your marriage. He took away your trust in him and overall, he told you he doesn't love you!

Get some self respect, pride and dignity and tell him that this is not going away and he has to get the hell out of your life. Say that you cannot accept what he did and you have to clean the slate, start all over and meet a real man that knows how to treat his wife. WATCH! Now you'll know what he's really feeling.

If he says okay, I'll leave and file for divorce too, then you know he was just a loser and he's probably still cheating. If he gets really nervous, begins to respect what you are saying and begins to try and change the way you are feeling, etc.. then maybe he realizes he made a major mistake and if he loves you, he will do anything to save the marriage.

No matter what, you cannot just ignore this and push it under the rug. You have to confront him now with total control and threaten that you want a divorce. His reaction will tell all. Good Luck

Answer 3

Crystal....I was cheated on many years ago and it wasn't the first time my husband (at the time) had done that to me. The pain is so bad. I understand what you are feeling. Not sure if you have children cause that's a whole different response in my book. If you do not have kids, I would consider leaving him. If you do have children I would consider seeing a marriage counselor. No one can tell you what to do in this situation as painful as it is. You have to find your way through this and it's awful. An affair is a symptom of something going wrong is a marriage. This doesn't mean he loves or feels anything for this other person no matter what he says. That's why a marriage counselor or therapist might help you guys out. Hey, if he doesn't want to go then go for yourself. YOU NEED IT. This could give you the strength and direction as to what is right for you in this situation. Good luck girlfriend.

Answer 4

Stop for a minute and think, you know this guy better than anyone on here and your capable of answering your own question. Yet, I'm going to give you some advice.........
When you read those text messages it felt like you were dying because you read what he was really feeling, now from that point to now do you think things are the same or has they changed. The God-awful truth is it will never stop cause you stayed. So determine for yourself is this what you want and deserve in life........... hell no.............. you deserve love, respect and honesty not a cheater so don't sell yourself short and settle. Only you know your living situation and what you can handle but that sick feeling later turns to stress and stress is a killer

Answer 5

Divorce him. He blatantly told you he cheated on you. Why would you stay with someone who did that?! It's obvious the marriage vows mean nothing to him.

Of course you can't trust him! IF you decided not to divorce, it will take YEARS for him to build trust back. The first thing he should do is find another job - one that doesn't have her there. But I doubt that will solve it. Because he'll just start up again with someone else at the next place.

Has he stopped seeing her? What does he mean he's "not sure?" Either he's committed to the marriage or he isn't! Don't take a bunch of baloney from this guy. You sound weak and wavering. You need to grow a backbone.

Answer 6

Its a horrible feeling isnt it? It can actually make you sick to your stomach. I was devestated when I found out what my husband was doing. I think I was in denial for a long time because I loved him and thought he loved me. I read some horrible things he would write to women....claiming he never loved anyone like he loved them.....that was the hardest thing to come to terms with. What I thought was a happy marriage, was nothing but a farce. I took him back many times and many times he would hurt me again. I had to let him go....I had lost so much self respect for the amount of times I believed him. It was very hard to begin with, but with time, it gets better. I am not saying this is your situation, but I know the feelings you would be feeling. Many marriage survive infedility, but the problem I see here is that he is seeing her on a daily basis and the temptation would have to be very great. Is it possible that he changes jobs? I guess that is the only way you are going to know if he is serious in wanting the marriage to work. One thing I do suggest is that you both get into counselling because without counselling very few marriage do survive infedility. He needs to change his job, thats what I think. I guess it comes down to what he values most.....his job or you and the marriage. I certainly couldnt handle my husband seeing the woman he cheated on me with every day. I would be a nervous wreck every time he was late home from work. I think the both of you have some serious talking to do. Im sorry you are going through this horrible time.....its about the worst feeling in the world.....take care.

Answer 7

I am so sorry this happened to you. I know how it feels. How long have you been with him? If it has been for a long time consider working it through. He needs to change jobs because you will never get that out of your head that they could still be messin around. Don't let him make you feel like you are wrong for suggesting this. He did the wrong and now he needs to be the one to do what ever it takes to make you trust him again. After all this if you are still feeling the same way then you have to choose to leave him or stay. I hope all goes well with you.

Answer 8

Sorry to hear that. I would strongly suggest seeing a therapist. Seeing a therapist will help you "see clearer" I was seeing a therapist, not for the same thing, but because I had trust issues when it came to men and it really helped.

Also, if you like to read I bought this book called "So Your Lover is a Liar" that book helped me because it gives you excercises on being able to trust again, it was very helpful to me. I would also suggest praying about your situation. Maybe he was just doing it for the thrill or maybe he's just not the one for you but when it comes down to it, praying always helps.

Answer 9

This is something that no one can tell you what to do. You need to evaluate if your marriage and make that choice for yourself.

If he is commited to you and wants a second chance and yout think that you can forgive him and be happy again then I think you should try again.

As far as him working with her, if this is unavoidable, then I would suggest that you ask him, out of respect for you, to not talk with her. Explain that it causes you a great deal of pain and it's like a constant reminder of his offence against you. If he is an honourable man and also wants to obtain the same goal of reconcilliation then he should have no problem with your request.

I hope this helps.

Answer 10

You have to move on. This is how it is. There ain't no easy way out. I have been through the same thing. I believe this is all to common now days. No need to hate him and yes the pain does subside. But this is up to you on your feeling and how you wish to control this. There is no going back now and I don't believe in forgiveness. Yes it work for only a short time and then it comes back again. You just never seem for get.
Good luck.

Answer 11

You should seek the advice of an attorney and plan for a divorce. He is not worthy of you and you will NEVER forget the things he has done or said. Plus, you will always be wondering if he's still seeing her; it will never go away. You deserve to be with a man you can fully trust; one of good character. You husband has a very poor character and chances are, he's not all that remorseful. Plus, he's already acknowledged that he's not sure if he even loves you. So, it is time for you to divorce him.