What Is The Psychological Reason Behind This Behavior?

Question

What is the need of a person who constantly does this to someone s/he loves.

A bag of pasta sits in the house for three weeks...the very day Person A eats it...Person B says, "I was going to eat that tonight."

Person A calls Person B from her mobile phone and asks him to preheat the oven to 350. Person B says, "I was just about to boil my dinner."

Person A asks Person B to borrow the car for a quick trip down the street. Person B says fine, just be back in 25 minutes. Person A returns in 20 minutes yet Person B says, "I'll probably be late for my appointment now."

Can you explain to me what is going on here. These are just a few examples of many. But why does Person B do this?

Broil not boil...oops

Answer 1

There is a disconnect in communications and priorities. I would guess that Person A is female, Person B is male and they are either married or have been living together for a long time. Person B is like a needy capricious child here: "Mommy! Mommy! Please pay more attention to me! I need you so much." He is also overly controlling, because it's not impossible for someone to boil water and preheat the oven at the same time. He wants her to take care abot him, and does not want to bother to help her. I don't know the reason for this other than resentment for the time and attention he did not receive from her. He makes her prove over and over again that she is competent and worth some effort on his part. It undermines her own sense of self worth, since she is evidently a very competent person. She has been reduced to his subordinate. Is there any way she can step aside from this power struggle to convince him she cares about him and his needs, then ask him to care more about hers?

Answer 2

B is just communicating with A.

Why did A eat the chips?

Why can't A set the oven when A gets home?

Why dosn't A care that B will be late?

You can look at it from both sides of the equation.

B is stating his/her wants, needs and fears to A , assuming A cares.

A is hearing the wants, needs, and fears as blame and not insight into what B is feeling about B's life.

Maybe all B wanted to hear is some word of encouragement.

At any rate, A probably should have asked about the chips. A should have realized that life goes on if you don't plan ahead. And, A probably should have said "You will make it." about being late.

Communication is a back and forth pattern where each person says something and hopefully the other person understands what it was they said. Quite often they do not. When they don't understand each other they either make assumptions or ask questions. Sometimes those questions sound like accusations. Sometimes they sound like you are prying into one anothers identity. Regardless of what they sound like, if you stop communicating, take a break, whatever, the communication is effectively over as is the relationship. The most hurtful thing some people can say to another person is "Shut up" or "I don't care". They might as well have said "Drop dead." That is how the person who hears these comments takes them.

If I were talking to A, I would say listen with your head and your heart.

If I were talking to B, I would say speak in the same manner.

Neither A nor B is a mind reader so they should assume they have to talk to keep things together, but luckily they have said nothing to this point in your example that says this relationship is at an advantage.

Perhaps A and B both need to ask themselves why do I care about A or B. Perhaps they would speak differently to one another if they remembered what made them so special to one another

At any rat , you question was about B and not A and B and I would guess B trusts A not to take things personally, while B vents his or her frustrations.

Of course I would have to talk to A and B just to be certain it was not something else, like A cheated on B and B is trying to teach A a lesson in price of infidelity.

Never rule out the possibility that these are just sympoms of a much deeper problem or betrayal.

Answer 3

You have revealed that A is She and B is He... (where Person A calls Person B from her mobile phone and asks him)

Going further , it is revealed that

-A has ate the pasta , but B said I was about to eat, meaning B jumps on the enjoyment of A

-A instructs B to preheat the oven ,means A is doing job and B is at home not having job or handicapped or sick or disable to do any economic and gainful activity ,while A is contributing to home and enjoying the Field. This directly puts A into upper hand and B into receiving End. B probably feels humiliated at times and feels hurt and revengeful, such that in spite of His manliness, He has to sit at home and do manual work like woman. Where as A is in Driver's seat. So when B is asked to keep oven at 350, B blurts out I was just about to boil my dinner..

-- A asks B to borrow the car for a quick trip down the streett. B arranges Car and makes up some excuse such that A can be blamed . He ensures A falls into trap . as trip to down stree will take more than one hour . but he puts condition for A to return in 25 minutes .. A understands this and does not want to get bad temper from B and returns early than time set.
This hurts Ego of B further and says illogical thing that "I'll probably be late for my appointment now."

So this game of one up is not going to end unless the relations end or both the persons compromise such that they see their own fault , and never to repeat the mistakes..

then wheel of life will move smoothly , without friction and jarring notes

Answer 4

Before I look at your answers, I'd rather focus on Person A. Why does Person A allow this? Person B, (without going into psychobabble), behaves this way because Person A ALLOWS it.
Whatever motivates B is secondary to the actions or inactions of A, that only serve to compound it.

Here we have a symbiotic relationship.

Edit: Zelda's answer was insightful. I'd be a bit doubtful that talking to B would resolve anything. I'd choose to "deflect," i.e., B says "I was going to eat that tonight," I'd smile & say very simply, "Guess it's too late now." A wanted the oven preheated to cook something when they came home. I'd say, "Just preheat it & we'll eat together." (& hang up.) Why does A have to ASK to "borrow" the car? A is providing input that perpetuates B's behaviour.

Answer 5

This is rds reality dissociation syndrome.

It sound complicated by control-freakism or micro-controlling dictatorship works backward. That's why so many people notice it but can't figure it out.

What's backward is this:
The person who can't or refuses to deal with the real then has no choice but to start manipulating other people instead of reality. Their fantasized. made-up postmodernist version of "what's real, how things are" becomes something they have to force onto others--to take the place of the agreed-upon reality to which they and other minds would otherwise both be able to refer.

The hitch here is:
The person who can't deal with realitry has to manipulate and interefere with people--so, that person seems to have a people problem.
The person who can't deal with people ends up anxious and having problems dealing with reality, and so is perceived as having a performance problem toward reality.

The infallibility spouting religionist, the imperial president, the interfering relative, the dictatorial boss and the
nag, the would-be slave and the dictator are all rds sufferers, I assert. I know. I wrote the scientific paper on this in 1987.

No; it hasn't been accepted by the Establishment's nondefining tsars over every field of thought and endeavor--because they suffer from the disease themselves. What business does a cpommissioner, a boss, a board of education member without science have in exercising goflike powrs over other people--when they dopn't necessarily know anything and haven't proven it ro their victims by scientific defining?
Fopr your own protection, the only way to deal with such persons, most of the time, is not to argue, just repeat whatever they said, agree with it, and reserve your anger for later on when you're ,--and when you've gotten on with your life in the meantime.

Real solution: refuse to have anything to do with anyone who does not refer reality actions back to the real, rather than to their version.

Answer 6

They sound like the kind of person who is always picking fault with things, I find that generally people who do this are unhappy themselves, they are unaware of this though.
They project their feelings onto those closet to them, in your case what sounds like your partner, so they feel that they have someone to blame for their negative feelings, when all they are doing is pushing the one person who can help them most away.
Or she's a nag.

Answer 7

Person B is a procrastinator has trouble making decisions - when person A makes a decision about something it niggles person B who was avoiding making the decision and is trapped in a bit of self hating mode. Procrastinators know they do this but don't seem to be able to stop.

Added: Good answer Zelda

Answer 8

Control. Habit. Selfishness.

Answer 9

It sounds like Person B needs to feel more superior and important in this scenario. They sound more selfish too. I dont know how psychologically deep it would be, but they just sound like a grade A butt head....Good Luck!

Answer 10

Ugh! How frustrating. This person is using guilt to make you feel bad. Not sure what personality disorder this would be. But this person is being passive-aggressive towards you.