Get out of my fairy tail?

Question

I dated a guy for 2 yrs.He broke-up with me b/c his dad said I was too young for him (4 yrs younger). I was so heart broken. He wanted to get back together the same week.I always hated when couples would break-up and get back together several times so, I made a "rule" that I would never go back w/ someone who broke up w/ me.For the next 4 years I received letters, pictures, and visits from him while he was in the army.I think about him often.I feel like he's my one true love.What's the problem you may ask?I'm married with 4 children.My husband and I have to work hard to make our realtionship work.I know that it's not all a bed of roses but I also know that we don't have chemistry like I had with 1st love.I saw him today & cried afterwards.I have so many questions.I think I believe that everything happens for a reason.Like we didn't get back together. We both married other people. I think he feels the same way. I know I would never act on it, just wanted some opinions.

Answer 1

Life is about choice, and from the looks of it, both of you made your choice to be with someone else. I think you will always remember your first love, but don't think what happen in the past will be the same today...You have 4 children, enjoy them while you still can, pour your heart and soul into raising them.

Answer 2

Once upon a time, 10 years ago, I fell in love with my fience's best friend. I'd known the friend since he was in high school, I didn't know that he knew my fiencee until he showed up at our house one day with the fiencee. The "other" guy and I had an affair for 3 years and then we got caught. We ended it and I eventually married the fiencee. Now, fast forward 15 years later, I'm married to the first guy, we have a set of lovely twins together and I'm no longer with him. I left him for his former best friend. I haven't been this happy in a long time. I followed my heart and everything worked out fine, even if it took me 15 years to listen to it. Do what you think is best for you and your family. For me, it was leaving. Now, everyone is happier than when my husband and I were together. Even he and I get along better now. He's a great guy, just not great for me. I wake up every morning with a smile on my face now and know that I am loved without all the work. Yipee.

Answer 3

One question - why are you writing this as a woman when your avatar says Paul T? If you are using your husband's account then the e-mailed responses are going to go to him, you realize that don't you?

But to your question.
If you married someone else, had children with them (four of them, somewhere in the 4 years the other guy was writing to you, meeting with you, and talking to you) and he moved on with his life also by getting married, what is it you think you two have?
You have nothing more than a fantasy relationship, based on fond memories of when you both were much younger. It didn't work out then and it wouldn't work out now.
Be very careful. My husband had a period of where he wondered "what if" he had stayed with his first girlfriend instead of moving on and eventually marrying me (we also have 4 kids).
Unfortunately he decided to act on it, looked her up, had an affair with her, realized it wasn't what it once was, and wanted to come back to me. Eventually we did reconcile, but things were never the same again. He took something away, and lost it for the both of us.
So unless you are totally willing to lose everything you have now, for a "what if", I would say let sleeping dogs lie, and put the energy that you are putting into daydreaming into your marriage.

Answer 4

It's a sad thing, hun, but unfortunately, you have committed yourself to someone else. I'm a firm believer that things happen for a reason! :)

I made a very tough decision to leave my ex-fiance for someone who I had an incredible connection with. I knew deep down that I could not pass that up and that I'd spend the rest of my life wondering and want that... so I broke up with my fiance. For both of our sake. I'm glad I did what I did. It was the best thing to do and it was tough.

I don't recommend you cheat or anything of the sort. You are now married and you have a family to take care of... as hard as it may be, you may just have to live with this. Your family is now your #1 priority.

Good luck with all of this! Maybe when your feelings subside, you'll be able to have a good platonic friendship with this man and his family.

Answer 5

just because you love someone doesn't mean you should be with them. I'm married with 3 kids and another on the way and i hear you it isn't a bed of roses, and it is something you constantly have to work on. he may have been your one true love, but what you have now could be so much more. you're raising a family together, think 20/30yrs. from now having your husband, kids, grandkids. that's history, that's memories, sharing stories of times past. just think of how important what you have now is. sometimes a slow steady love is so much more than a hot flash.

Answer 6

so far you've only got your rosy memories of a first love and fantasies of how it would be to be with him. you don't really know him anymore and your relationship would also have issues to overcome.

you both have families and have made choices and DECISIONS. don't act passive. these things didn't HAPPEN to you. you both decided to move on.

don't imagine how much better/easier life would be with him. you don't know him anymore. however, your children deserve an intact home. and having to settle assets, custody, visitation, and other issues with an ex husband will be more difficult than the issues you and your spouse have now. especially if you throw your army man's wife and children into the mix.

Answer 7

I'm so tired of women and the "chemistry" word. It's all in your head. How can a person feel chemistry with someone they never met? ( i.e rock stars, actors, the quarterback, etc.) It because of the image you hold of that person in your head. once that image is broken, chemistry is gone. this image and thinking about it starts the release of chemicals in your brain. start working on that image of your husband, and this chemistry for your old BF will be gone. replace with a hotter one for your husband.

Answer 8

Sounds like 'the one that got away' story. My opinion is if you want your current marriage to work, then do not keep in touch with the one that tempts you. If you want to see 'what if', then you got a lot of thinking to do on the consequences of any action continued communication with him will cause to your current life.

Answer 9

so 4 years pass since he left you and you had 4 kids and got married? you sound like you jumped into marriage fast. Maybe you should have not commited yourself to a marriage in the first place. You sound like you never grew up.no wonder why his dad told him to dump you!

Answer 10

Follow your heart, only it can tell you what is right. You will know who you love and who you are in love with. Do you truely love the man you are with, or is it just because he is the father of your children? If you aren't happy in the relationship, then only you and your kids will suffer. Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same - that's a quote...but it's actually my moto right now. Good luck to you, and if you ever need to chat, feel free to email me, I know of a similar situation to yours.