Emotionally Abused?

Question

My husband is emotionally abusive. He curses me, tells me I'm nothing, says the next man will physically abuse me, and does a lot of mean things. When I ask him to change, he says he will but doesn't. He always brings up the things that I have done wrong (I don't clean enough, I've been mean, etc.) and says he's forgiven me so I should get over it. We've been separated for a few months now. There are times when things are good but they never last long. He says he wants me back but he has not changed. Why does he not want to end this marriage?

Answer 1

This sounds to me that he has the upper hand and the control over you. Please do not go back to him. Life is way to short to live life this way. Let me tell you this, there is someone out there, much better for you.
Keep your chin up, and re-learn how to smile.
t

Answer 2

Yes. I suffered somewhat similar circumstances, for 16 years, then I got out with the help of my grandmother. You are being emotionally abused, and while self-hurting yourself is not a good road to take, it seems you have no other outlet. The problem is, emotional abuse takes it's toll, and you don't even realize it. I'm 24 now, and I'm still having relationship, friendship, and even family issues. I self destruct relationships, and cause fights without really realizing it before it's too late, because it's what you're used to reacting to, and you're 'comfortable' with it, basically you can't react to someone treating you nicely. The best thing to do.. I can't advise on that. I always wanted to call the police or child services, and so did my grandmothers, but I was also a victim of physical abuse, and we all knew that if/when my parents got ahold of me again, they would double the punishment. I am not sure the best way to help you, but stopping cutting yourself is a hard and major step, try outletting your frustration and pain out in other ways, talking to friends online, roleplaying, playing video games, anything that is a more healthy outlet. Good luck.

Answer 3

The reason why your husband will not end the marriage is because he does not want to let go. I have been there myself and it is a very miserable way to live. I was mentally abused for a lot of years and I also raised 3 children in that life. It is a horrible way to live and I spent many days crying from all the pain that my children and I endured. I had to walk around on pins and needles and alot of stress in my life. I could not get out and had always felt trapped. My ex would say that he was going to change but if he did then I must have missed that change. I was the one who had changed. After I started changing then I could not stand the man. We were married for 25 years and I was finally able to get rid of my problem at last. Sorry about having to go through this but things will eventually get better. I thought that I would never see better days but things got better for me.

Answer 4

My boyfriend is the same way. he makes me feel so degraded sometimes. He calls me a ***** sometimes or calles me stupid. Tells me I have a mental problem and that I need to go to a shrink. He won't change. Emotional abuse can lead to physical abuse.You are better off filing for divorce.
Guys like this just want to control you. Get out while you can before he really hurts you. I am trying to get away from my boyfriend of 21 years. I have to find a job and save up some money so I can get on with my life.

Answer 5

Why do YOU not want to end this marriage? When are YOU going to start taking charge of your life? Your husband is an abuser and abusers can't change. The only way to make change is for you to leave and file for divorce. That's it.

Answer 6

Why should he? He has you where he wants you.
He has made you feel worthless and you are on YA trying to find a reason to stay with him.
Cut your losses and keep moving. Emotionally controlling pigs like your husband like to find something that is so minimal to attack you with that you begin to doubt yourself. He says that you don't clean enough, and that you are mean. Hell, I am sure he knows how to swing a broom, and as for being mean, how in the hell can he control your emotions?
You need help, and fast. Let him stay gone, and you get some help.
Peace

Answer 7

he doesn't want to end the marriage because he is in control. the only way that it can end is if you TELL SOMEONE. he is using fear to control you. i will give you two websites below. and because you have access to the internet (obviously)...i REALLY want you to check them out.

http://www.ndvh.org

i don't know what state you are in...but they can help you

http://heartless-bitches.com

look on the colum on the right for the 'manipulator files' you will find the information that you are looking for in there.

i say stay separated. it's not worth going back to him if that's all that he's gonna do is to abuse him. STAY AWAY. file for a divorce. you have just as much power to end the marriage. just seek an attorney and if possible...a restrianing order.

Answer 8

Because he is emotionally abusive. He needs the control that he exerts over you. That's why he won't let go. You need to stop feeding his ego. Get some legal advice on how to end the marriage and protect yourself. Also get some counseling to help you overcome the feelings of inadequacy that his abuse has caused for you. Stop empowering him to have this control. Until he is willing to get help, he will never change.

Answer 9

If he hasn't changed by now, he's not going to. Some people are who they are. Don't even consider going back to him, it will just continue. I was in a relationship like that for 5 years. he promised he would change, but never did. It took me a long time to realize things would never get better.

Answer 10

He doesn't want to end the marriage because he needs someone around to put them down. He most likely has some issues with himself, so instead of focusing on himself and dealing with it, he gets it out on you.

You should not consider coming back to him, unless he agrees to see a marriage counselor with you. If he refuses, then there is no reason for you to stay. Don't be his victim, you will never be happy with him until he is happy with himself. My fiance's mother stayed with her husband through her life, although he was abusive verbally and physically to her and their kids, and my fiance never forgave his mom for that.

Answer 11

He is a controller.

There are 4 stages for a controller.

1. if you don't do what they want, they begin name calling, if that doesn't work

2. they guilt trip you, if that doesn't work

3. they get angry, if that doesn't work

4 abandonment.

Living with a controller is very unpleasant. If you don't stand up for your self, you will find yourself censoring what you say, so you won't upset the apple cart. You will begin to resent your self for not standing up for your self. First you have to understand his game and then you have to decide to stand up for your self and not put up with it anymore. People only do to you what you allow.

He wants you back, but do you really want him back that is the question you need to answer for yourself.

He needs counseling for his control and anger issues and until he admits there is a problem and gets help for it, I guarantee it will not get better. You also need counseling to learn how to be more assertive and how to boost your self esteem, because controllers like to keep their thumb on your head and tell you how worthless you are so that they can keep you under their thumb.

Don't put up with that, you are an adult and you deserve to be treated with respect and dignity and nothing less!!!!