I'm divorced of 10 yrs, my ex encourages the kids not to see me if they dont want to what should I do?

Question

I havent seen them in a while they are15 and 13 I was expecting to have them this weekend and they both made other plans I wouldnt be upset or hurt if this hadnt been the third weekend in a row,they are supposed to come every other weekend but dad does what they want he ignores our divorce decree I dont have $ to go to court I also feel bad because If I buy them stuff they'll come and I feel like that is all they come for

For thouse of you asking My ex husband got the kids because he hid court info from me,

Answer 1

You know what? Try not to blame them for this. They will eventually come around. The real problem is the other adult in the situation that just wont grow up and act like an adult. Try not to make too much of a fuss because that could back fire on you. They could say that you just want to make problems for them. I know it's tough, but just take it one day at a time.

Answer 2

What does the divorce decree say? Most parents rule by their emotions and not by the law. If the decree entitles you to visitation rights, then she has NO choice. Neither do the kids unless you are abusing them. It makes me sad when ex's don't encourage visitation. It is there for a reason. Even if they think they are too busy, they shouldn't be so selfish as to ignore your needs too. They are not just using you, but maybe their mom only is agreeable when you have something material to offer them. After all, she divorced you for a reason. It may not be valid, or right, but..she sees you in a certain way and well...if she isn't following the divorce decree you have grounds to at least threaten to take her back to court. Either way, be there. Your kids love you. They will come back to you. In the mean time....move on. You deserve it. Good luck.

Answer 3

It's unfortunate when one parent does this on purpose to the other parent. I know first hand of what you are going through.. It is hell trust me..I tried this one when kids werent there for my time... Tell Ex that you are calling the cops if kids aren't here in less than 15 minutes.. this usually works a few times till you actually have to call the cops and get it recorded...sux I know... without it he will continue to walk over you visitation rights ...give them an inch and usually they will take a mile.. I lost my kids same way... I miss them bad...

Answer 4

Hello,
I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this. I would just accept it for now and let them know that I was alway there for them. I would stop buying them things justto get them to come by. They should come because you are their mom and they love you. Get a hobby, got out with some friends, try nott o be stuck up in the house all the time and when they come around be available to them. i wish you the best of luck!

Answer 5

I would tell them to come only if they want to, and leave it at that. They will only resent you if you force them to come.

I have a friend with the same problem, their dad has turned them totally against her, telling them that she broke up the family. Which it mostly was on him for being mentally and physically abusive to her. They are very spoiled kids and he does everything for them, takes them everywhere and buys them cars...etc. She of course has a much smaller income and can't afford to spoil them if she wanted to.

What can you say other than just let them go. They will return to you when they are older, most likely with much regret of how they behaved at this age.

Answer 6

hi im a 12 years old boy i have the same thing my mom is devorced from 9 years so i guess i can help u with that tell them about the good things and the bad things but not that bad which happend in youre life tell them how much u love them tell them about the teen problems and tell them to always listen to there heart because there heart is good whatever happen let them know that u love u can die for them and they are the only thing u wished for and tell them how did u broke up

Answer 7

First why does he have the kids? Next don't push it to much been there done that. Kids usually will come around as they get a little older, I know it hurts but just hang in there.

Answer 8

Talk to the kids and tell them you will always be there for them. Tell them you respect their decision but would like it to be their decision without any influence.

Then talk to the ex about his encourgements, that you deserve to see the kids too. Tell him that you want them to make up their own mind.

And eventually, they will come around and will see thru what he is doing. Trust that you are doing the right thing and always do the right thing by them. They will eventually want to come on their own.

Answer 9

Your ex husband doesn't have to FORCE the children to visit you if they choose not to. The court can't force your children to visit you if they don't want to. The kids are old enough to decide whether they WANT to go on visitation or not and nothing can force them to. You can take your ex to court ten thousand times and it will not change that.

Answer 10

Unfortunatly they are at the age where they can choose who they want to be with and when, but i would talk to them and tell them you miss them and would like for them to come spend the weekend, and maybe sat night they can have friends over, after you get friday night together.