He's been married a year and is 23. I'm 29 & have had problems with my marriage for the last 2 yrs (known new guy 1yr). Day after HE kissed me, he said he couldn't be w/me outside work in order to save his marriage. So, I was going to avoid him but he keeps coming up to me and saying he misses me, I look great, etc. and I can tell that he has feelings for me. He also asks a lot about my relationship with my husband (almost every time we meet). Is he waiting for me to say it's not working out with my husband before he makes another move b/c it doesn't seem he's being cautious on his wife's behalf (w/ the flirting, etc). I think we both are in love but scared. He asked me to do lunch last week but then said "sorry" he couldn't do it (guilt?). Now he says he's "struggling" with wanting to hang out w/me. I want to be fair to my husband & his wife, so I don't want to drag this on. How can I find out if we are meant to be and what he's really feeling? Should I ask why he's "struggling"?
2007-08-31 10:13:44 · 53 answers · asked by 9201css 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
When you meet someone new, it's always nice, you get butterflies in your stomach, you can't concentrate, eat, whatever...but that is not love. You don't actually fall in love with someone until you really get to know them. You can confuse these feelings with love because he makes you feel good, and he's different from your husband and you are different from his wife. These feelings usually fade after a while of being together and then you realize either that you are in love or you messed up really bad. From my personal experience I would say you ignore him. If he's doing this to his wife now wouldn't you think he's going to do it to you too? It's happened to me that's why I'm telling you this. It's just the butterflies that make you think you are in love when they are only really making you "high". Try to work things out with your husband, go to therapy, try and work your feelings out, and let this guy do the same with his wife (best if one of you guys leaves your job). If you guys really don't want to be with your significant others then get a divorce and after that be with each other. It's not fair to your spouses what you guys are doing. Can you imagine if you where where your husband is? You would be heart broken. No one deserves to be cheated on. I hope you do what's right and fair for everyone.
The book the five love languages the guy below me mentioned....buy it!! It's really good!!
2007-08-31 10:29:26 · answer #1 · answered by .:*eri*licious*:. 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well, right now you are a horrible wife. Regardless of how you husband treats you. You are missing with another married man.
You aren't in love. Maybe lust, but not love. You have no idea what love really is. You've known a guy at work and your in love. Your willing to move from a two-year flop of a marriage to a doomed relationship because you won't commit to anyone completely.
If you don't love or respect your husband move out, file for divorce and then you can help ruin the life of this other guys wife.
If he is willing to mess around with you when he's married and you behind your husband's back just how loyal and dedicated will you be to each other? Can you ever trust each other? NO!
You definitely deserve each other though.
2007-08-31 10:24:09 · answer #2 · answered by Panama 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can ask him, but it's probably better to face the most likely fact that he just wants to get into bed with you and has no intention of leaving his wife. He is testing the waters by asking you about your husband. He is waiting for you to give him the go ahead to move in on you. That you are ready for an affair, because that is probably all it will ever be.
Be very cautious about having an affair with a work associate. It usually ends very badly and one or both of you could wind up out of a job. If you two really think you are falling in love, then be grown up and fair enough to get out of your marriages first. Does your husband have any idea of whats going on? He deserves to know that you are unhappy and are looking elsewhere. If you still love him, try marriage counseling first before you abandon what you have to test the waters elsewhere. And remember, if this co-worker has kissed you and continues showing interest, what are his thoughts on fidelity. He could cheat on you as easily as he has on his wife. And yes, kissing others is a form of cheating if you are already married to some one else.
2007-08-31 10:34:21 · answer #3 · answered by jules 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ive had these relationship questions and feelings before (though ive never cheated) but im not married. You are. You shouldnt be treating your marriage as something so disposable.
If your having problems or doubts with your husband settle them seperate of your feelings for the 23 year old (who in all honesty is just a kid compared to you. Your maturity levels are different and the way hes acting seems to back this up)
The real issue here is the problems with your husband, the 23 year old is just a distraction and outlet for your frustration it sounds like. You need to work on those problems with your husband, without the 23 year old in mind.
2007-08-31 10:24:51 · answer #4 · answered by blackned_wings 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look I know you might have some strong feelings for this guy but you can't throw away old for new. Not because there is some problems now in your marriage hold on to it because those problems are gonna make you guys stronger. How would you feel if you found out your husband was cheating on you? Stop seeing this man before you loose everything, the lord gave you your husband because you guys are ment for each other. You must remember at all times that cheating is wrong in the sight of the lord.
2007-08-31 10:29:14 · answer #5 · answered by sexinessloveness 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow that' a pretty deep problem. First of all, no matter how bad the marriage is, cheating is never an option. I praise you for trying to put some space b/w him and yourself. He needs to know that you don't want to hurt your husband.
Second of all, you should be completely honest w/ your husband about the kiss and hopefully some things can be changed in your marriage that will help it. You just have to believe it's worth salvaging.
I hope that this helps a bit and I'm hoping that you follow your instincts and try your best to make things right. Every marriage has it's problems, but it takes strong people who are in love to make it work.
2007-08-31 10:25:32 · answer #6 · answered by peek a boo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you should not ask him that or anything else. You're 29 years old, sweetie...you need to put on your big girl panties and stop this childish behavior right now. You are playing games with this flirt, and his wife and your husband deserve honesty at the bare minimum. Would you like to be married to a man who strayed from his first wife with a flirt at work? He'd be likely to do it again on you. Do you want to be the slut that ruined his marriage? Get mature on this and tell him that conversation about your personal life is OFF LIMITS and if he persists, report his sexual harassment to HR. Back out of this with determination and don't go back down this path. Have some respect for yourself. Good luck, sweetie.
2007-08-31 10:39:00 · answer #7 · answered by rb29440 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Apparently he knows that pursuing a relationship with you would be cheating on account of his marriage, but he can't seem to help himself because he has feelings for you. So you will have to be the one to put a stop to this.
You do not need to avoid him, but do not accept flirting and definitely do not accept anything exclusive from him, such as a request for lunch alone. What you do need to do, is work on your own marriage and not look around for other guys when the going gets rough. And so does he. You are already married to the guy you are meant to be with. Good luck and God bless.
2007-08-31 10:23:55 · answer #8 · answered by wizball 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cheating is the worst thing ever, dont get yourself into this. Not only you are going to get hurt but other people will. Get another job and give your marriage another try.. think that how much you loved your husband before you even decided to marry him... You dont want to ruin your relationship for something that you dont know is going to take you. I know a lot of people that were in your situation and got hurt really bad because they could not stop it on time. :-(
2007-08-31 10:24:22 · answer #9 · answered by Worried 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK cheat woman, are you even thinking of the consequences this could bring to both of you? Obviously, he wants to work something out with his marriage, and that;s OK, I would not trust a person who is willing to cheat on his wife. I think you should get out of the situation and concentrate on working out on your marriage. cheating is NEVER a good option. And contrary to what you may be thinking, the grass is never greener on the other side. True happiness is never based on the disgrace or sadness of others. Yeah, he flirts with you, but that does not mean he would do it in front of his wife. I feel sorry for his wife, because even if not with you, she is going to get cheated on eventually. Just think and reverse the shoes. What you you think of your husband cheating on you? Do yourself a favor lady, and have some dignity.,
2007-08-31 10:24:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋