How do I rebuild my shattered SELF-ESTEEM,after being emotionally abused by my husband for 5 years.Please help

Answer 1

Wow Grace, you seem like a pretty smart young lady from reading your profile. I agree though, you should seek therapy to help you get over it. Just try to relax and take life one day at a time and all will work out. Hugs : )

Answer 2

You need to undo all the negative that your husband has pounded into your head for the last five years. Do this by complimenting yourself everyday. Take all the things he has
convinced you to believe about yourself and say the opposite
to yourself every morning while looking in the mirror. Say it
to yourself throughout the day. Say it to yourself every night
before you go to bed. You see, everything he has said to you,
whether it is true or not, he has made you believe just by shear repetition over the last five years. You can do
the same by telling yourself the opposite. Also, try to pick up
a new hobby....try to pick something that will allow you to be away from your regular environment. Something and somewhere new where you can meet new people and not be around anyone that you already know. A craft class or anything where no one will know your situation and will interact with you based only on what they know at that moment. A place where you can be a strong, confident person because no one knows any differently or has any expectations of you.
Making a new friend would be a good start to repairing your
self-esteem.

Answer 3

I'm sorry to hear about you going through this. I too was emotinally, verbally, mentally abused by my ex husband for many years. It might take some therapy, or for you to just realize that all the things he said, was nothing but BS. It's hard to bounce back into life about being in an abusive relationship. Take some time for yourself, go out with friends, dress up, and have fun. This can also help :) Something I enjoy doing that helps is writing. Write things down about how you are feeling, how you want to feel, and any goals you want to happen.

Try to think about how you were before the abuse started. HE is the one who brought you down, but you are still the same person you were before. Anyone who abuses a person is mentally insane anyway. Turn it around on him :) Realize he wasn't happy with himself, there for he had to take it out on someone else.

Answer 4

Therapy. If you can't afford private therapy, look for volunteer groups like "REACH". Write down one affirmation (I am worthy of being loved--example), say it out loud each time you are next to a mirror, say it in your head every hour, and before you go to bed, write it down 10 times. Continue adding affirmations when the first one becomes like a routine. There are many reasons why you stayed in this relationship--identify them (ex. I'm so ugly nobody else would have me) and then own them. Once you own them, you can change them. Also identify the "pay-off" that kept you in this relationship: yeah you were getting something from that abuse (validation of how you feel aout yourself??), Once you can identify that pay off(s), you can realign your behavior so you no longer need that abuse. It takes a victim for an abuser to abuse. Learn how NOT to be a victim anymore. Sending clarity, calm, and the energy to learn who you have been so you can become who you want to be...if you don't, the next relationship will be no different.

Answer 5

The internet can't offer any quick fix, dear - this healing process is something you need to commit to for a long time. Find a local support group and/or a therapist. Talk with friends and family. Do some soul-searching to figure out how you want your new life to be, and then look for ways to build that positive and healthy life. Develop mantras/affirmations that are meaningful to you, and repeat them daily.
Don't rush into any new relationships, but limit yourself to dating casually so that you can see not all men are like your ex (I'm assuming he's an ex, because if you haven't divorced him yet it's high time).

Answer 6

With counseling, time, and self-love. Erasing the horrible things your husband said to you will take a real effort. If these thoughts creep into your head, then tell yourself to "stop", and re-focus your thoughts somewhere else.

Also, sometimes it helps to have new scenery. Maybe moving to a new place? Getting involved in new things? Meeting new people? Doing things just for you?

Remember, if you believe anything he used to say, you are still a victim, and it is time for a new beginning.

And congrats on leaving! You have already overcome the biggest obstacle. Be proud of yourself.

Answer 7

I don't know your religious background, if any;-} I'm Catholic.
There is only one GOD, Creator of all; He doesn't make junk.
I would start by going to church & getting in touch with GOD.
Try to find a prayer-group, or a spiritually directed retreat.

Find the local women's shelter; even if you are now safe.
They will have counsellors & an outreach program.
Take some craft courses; develop your creative side.
Keep a daily journal about your experiences, good & bad.

Answer 8

Find your local battered women's program and sign up for their group counseling and individual counseling program. If you have children get them help as well. A program like tai chi, yoga or pilates helps focus your mind and body in a positive way. Acknowledge one thing in your life that you have to be thankful for...do this each day. Start doing more of the things that you enjoy or have always wanted to do. Pamper yourself or if funds allow go to your local day spa and let them pamper you! The more your life brings you pleasure the happier you will be with yourself! You are obviously bright,strong and courageous as you left the S.O.B.!!!!

Answer 9

Do some serious soul searching, search for the problem, Educate yourself, & fix the problem, realize that you deserve better now and always. Find things to do that you enjoy, find yourself again. Life does go on, and living a happy, healthy life is out there waiting for you. Learn from your mistakes, eat right and stay healthy.
Good luck, Stay focused, & Succeed!

Answer 10

You should seek therapy. That is the best thing for a person in your position to do. It will help you come to terms with what happened and also assist with your levels of self-esteem!