Poem of mine, rate if you please.?

Question

Progress

Feeble foundations sing hollow tunes
Under processions of false steps
Creaking, moaning in frail protest
To the daily parades that so try them.

Gray, granite weathered with seasons
Bearded with hoar frost bygone
They stir, cracked and weary
Cold hearts warmed by misguided torchlight

Sleep, children of the lost
Who so resemble forsaken fathers
You are welcome to rest your weary feet
Welcome in the heart worn as you are

Stone visages quake and tremble
Releasing tears now dust for their age
Cold,hard façade shatter, crumbles
Leaving nothing but pure white

So rises the new, as poorly founded as old
Standing tall in the shadow of its fate
It squeaks, and chuckles at fresh new feet
Unheeding the groans of tommorrow.

Answer 1

The subject has always facinated me personally: progress and the time-space continuum involving change from a more cosmic perspective...then to use the sidewalk or building as metaphore with your wording reflective in use of the alliteration in," feeble foundations" and "grey granite" like the sometimes sad,repetitve music of the spheres that is replayed throughout history and the almost visual morbidity of cement headstones as well that I imagined were ever present. Then the change of tone in the last stanza, like a wry commentary by the grim reaper on our human efforts...I truly enjoyed and appreciated your work. Thank you for offering this engaging piece to read. Tam S, forgive me, but I do not believe rhymes would add to this at all. The chosen words have a well thought out effect in my assessment. And Kid "not bad" is too cool of commentary for such hot work! But each to his own. I am surprised to read this level of workmanship here. Again thank-you...and more please.Christopher S, this was an intelligent analysis and the concept of "paralleling youthful ignorance of the inevitabilities of aging" astute. I agree with you wholeheartedly that this "progress" is excellent unlike the majority of examples of what would be called progress in our culture at this point. If nothing changes nothing changes just one old crumbling facade exchanged for a new one.
Too bad about bored people...I find them to be almost always boring.,L

Answer 2

I absolutely love it! The initial stanza, the terms "feeble foundations" and "false steps" suggest that you are not just referring to a building (as the rest of the poem suggests) but an institution, occupied by people who make "false steps" or mistakes, and have for a long time, presumably.
The second stanza suggests the presence of stone (most likely a building, due to the use of foundation before) and further compares it to an aged man, who is "warmed" by "torchlight". suggesting that the later mentioned "children of the lost" are explorers or wanderers of sort.
Third stanza is "welcom[ing]" the "children" inside of it, and the building's "heart", with the ending phrase of the stanza (which is markedly different from the two preceding and following) "worn as you are" suggests either that the children are worn, or that the heart mentioned is itself "worn", like the children.
The fourth stanza is the collapse, with the word facade linking the parallel between the buildings destruction and between losing one's demeanor through succumbing to emotion. The pure white obviously suggests purity (hence the word), but I but that it is snow concretely (hence the frost, and the mention of "cold").
The final stanza mentions a building reconstructed in the same fashion as the old one (rises the new suggesting a spring, or rebirth period, in contrast to four stanzas of winter), with the shadow of its fate potentially referring to the shadows of the former building, which is the state that the new one will inevitably wind up in. And finally, the moving phrase "unheeding the groans of tommorrow", alluding to the old building as the new building's fate explicitly, while also paralleling our own youthful human ignorance of the inevitabilites of aging.
Excellent work!

Answer 3

i might provide it 2/5 stars. the subject rely looks very hardship-loose, consumer-friendly, like something i've got heard many cases in the previous in songs and poems. The notice determination isn't too exciting and the rhymes are not the two. I do exactly like the beginning up, regardless of the shown fact that.

Answer 4

I actually think that it is really good. To make it have a better rhym you should try to make it rhym a little bit more. Other than that, I think that is it really good. On a scale of 1-5, 5 being the best, I would rate it a 4.70.

Answer 5

Good Gawd, Chriss and nursey wrote more than the author, and neither were half as good.
I don't think much of free verse as most people know, but that was good. It had rhythm and flow, the only two qualities that will redeem free verse for me. Good Job.

Answer 6

Though not easy reading, it's very poetic. Did you genuinely write it? It doesn't look like the work of an amateur poet to me.

Answer 7

not bad =)

Answer 8

ehh...bored me