It is so hard to keep my mouth shut.
2007-08-31 09:14:19 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I know you've probably heard this one before, but try counting to ten. It is amazing how much your anger can dissipate in ten seconds. Give it a try.
2007-08-31 09:18:45 · answer #1 · answered by Ham B 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try not to engage in a conversation with him when you feel angry. Especially a conversation that you know will be heated.
Don't give him the silent treatment, but if he starts, just tell him you'd like to take some time to calm down so that you don't stress each other out trying to be heard.
Then whenever you've calmed down...be calm, and talk to him in that way. Hopefully the calmness will brush out on him.
I'm definitely not an expert, but I would suggest maybe reading some books by John Gray PH.D. (The mars/venus guy). He has a lot of insight that helps...especially with communication. Might be nice if you and your hubby take time and read it together.
Wishing you all the best...
2007-08-31 16:32:01 · answer #2 · answered by Chanel 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why argue? How about listening to his point of view and then explaining how you feel without all the drama. I know what he says and the way he says it might upset you and make you angry. Tell him it is making you angry and that you will not discuss it at all until you can have a civil, calm conversation about it. I usually walk away if I find I am getting too angry and come back later and ask if he is ready to really discuss what is on his mind; once he has calmed down.
2007-08-31 16:24:34 · answer #3 · answered by pussycat 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you are not alone my sister...I had this problem too (and it flares up now and then still). What helped me was to understand biblically what was going on. The bible talks about the tongue and how it can be a dangerous thing. It can speak vile things, it can kindle wrath, it can lie and deceive...etc etc. So I had to purpose in my heart that I was going to get my tongue under control..not just so I could talk to my husband but because it was just a wrong way of talking. I also had a huge problem with sarcasm. I could castrate a man with my words. I found this little saying..and funny its on my desk to this day..'sarcasm is anger's angry cousin'. So I had to realize that my sarcasm was coming from passive anger. Once I began to bring my tongue into submission it helped me to focus on what where the things that were pushing my buttons to activate that pissed off feeling. Then I could address the anger...and its source...and I gradually stopped having those blow out fights with my husband.
2007-08-31 16:35:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You start by realizing you are doing this- and that it's not good. Once you can see that you have a problem, it's a matter of doing something about it!
As for why you act this way, there may be tons of reasons. Perhaps this is what you saw when you were growing up, so now you are repeating this pattern. Or you might have a temper and it's hard to control it.
Perhaps going to therapy or counseling may help you see what the roots of your behavior are so you can work on them. Good luck!
2007-08-31 16:20:29 · answer #5 · answered by Nena S 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm going to be honest with you and I hope I can get this point across to literally thousands of women and young girls!
First, men hate yelling and screaming wifes and girl friends!!!! It's the biggest relationship killer besides cheating, Never, but never add to the fire, once the talkng turns and becomes anger's etc. Stop walk away from each other immediately! Go outside, go for a walk, what ever! get away from each other!!!! don't keep it going! you have plenty of time some other day to try another attempt to solve what ever problem there is!!!
Unless you don't give a hoot about your relationship, then get everything out, then go far away from each other for good! never to see each other again!
But if you love your partner and you really care and want the relationship to last a life time, keep the anger out of the conversations, because if you don't the relationship is heading down the road to distruction!
Arguements turn into yelling matches, yelling matches turn into name calling, bad things come out that most of the time are very hurtful and very damaging to the relationship! Many sorry's can't fix or erase what was said out of anger, and will infact shed a whole different light on the relationship! and most likey already started the distruction of the relationship!
And mostly will always come up in every future arguement, which will indeed make things that much worse! Couples have to learn how to control there anger and there anger sayings that come out of there mouth before shouting it out! The marriage has a fine line of which no true loving person should ever cross! Learn how to walk away before the anger gets the worst of you!
To many couples don't realize how much name calling effects the future relationship, It's very disrepectful to the ones you love,husband,wife,children,partners and family and relatives!say your sorry later doesn't erase what you had said, it's never forgotten, NEVER! That's a permanent injury to your relationship! It will never go away, it will be there forever!
Any relationship! for it to build and last needs, love, respect,honor,cherish,feelings,thoughts,compatibility,strength,incouragement,listening,talking,cuddling,hugging,touching,suport,knowledgment,understanding,compromising,honesty,trust,faithfulness,desire,companionship,best friends,challenge,simpathy,thankfulness,honored,proudness,security,secure,faith, respect for others,and the ability to say I'm sorry and mean it! and being able to admit you were wrong!
No matter what the disagreement is, always make up before bed time, never go to bed mad and upset, the next day is a new beginning of the relationship!learn from it and keep building it stronger and stronger! It's a life time of commitment and learning! There is no such thing as a perfect marriage or relationship, but there are many things that get in the way to destroy it! Many worthless and unmeaningful things can destroy a marrigae if you let it!
Always remember one thing, If you don't say the hurtful things, the hurtful things aren't heard, then it won't destroy your relationship or cripple it for life!
2007-08-31 17:22:55 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask him to stop until you've cooled off then go for a short brisk walk. You'll achieve a number of things one you'll burn off that energy you built up during the fight. Two you'll have time to calm down and think. And three you'll get some exercise and fresh air.
2007-08-31 16:34:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
When things get heated, take a walk, take a bath, or go into another room. Take time for yourself to calm down and think about whatever you are arguing about.
2007-08-31 17:23:30 · answer #8 · answered by You can do it!! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh boy, I had the same problem. I grew up in a family of yellers, all 100% Irish, and that's just our way, lol. But after scaring the crap out of my hubby a few times, I realized he wasn't hearing a word I said anyway. I learned to calm down by making myself leave the room or situation and go for a walk, even waiting a day to discuss something that was really upsetting me until I knew I could discuss it quietly. I even started writing out what I was going to say and practicising it, which also helped me stay calm. Best of luck to you!!
2007-08-31 16:20:12 · answer #9 · answered by meagain 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to find a good way to maintain yourself calm. If you feel that things are going to the point you need to yell then tell him to discuss about the matter when you both are calm.
Try to find ways you both can discuss about things differently, let him express his point and then you can express yours.
2007-08-31 16:25:44 · answer #10 · answered by ruebezahl2001 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
depends is it the first second or third time you had to ask him to do something? the first and second time i generally count to ten or turn around and leave the room for a few minutes. the third time well i dont even try and keep my mouth shut and unfortunately it always start with "im sick of asking you to (fill in the blank) if i was your mother it would have been done yesterday!!) then the gloves come off.
2007-08-31 16:19:26 · answer #11 · answered by princess 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋