the need to be touched....?

Question

i got married 6 months ago when my husband was here on leave.he is currently deployed and will be away another 5 months. i found out he cheated on me before we got married several times over months and i have been dealing with this the past months,. he wants to make up and be a good man now, but thats impossible with him being away (how would i know he isnt doing it still) and when he is back i dont see much of a chance and he knows this. i do love him still very much, unfortunaly, but he caused so much damage and now i am alone with all my pain. i feel very lonely and have a serious need to be held by someone, no sex! just be touched and cared for again. does anyone understand?

i am in my mid 30s, husband is 40 and we have no children together, i did bring my son into my marriage.

yes i understand the deployment situation, but i moved to this country to marry him and didnt know any of this. i have no friends, no family and he didnt care to help me thru this. as a matter of fact, he abandonded me for weeks because he didnt want to hear my mouth. did he care about my health, my life then? thats why i say i want someone to care for me. also, he is in afghanistand in a safe place with a very safe job and lots of civilian women around him.

Answer 1

That is what you should have. When you found out, you should have told him then that it was over. If he did it that much without telling you before you married him, then he does not love you enough or respect you enough for you to stay with him. Apparently you will not get what you need from your husband, and likely, not even when he returns home. You will be happier and better off without him. Let him go before he hurts you beyond repair.

Answer 2

Honestly? If you're THAT unhappy after only 6 months, I don't see how it's going to last, especially if he has to be away for long periods of time. It is also not good that you don't trust him, and quite frankly I don't blame you; once a cheater always a cheater (I'm not saying that's true, but you know that's what they say) and when you're away from your partner for long periods of time, you HAVE to be able to trust that he's not with someone else, it's a necessity otherwise, everything will come tumbling down (as it is now)

I understand your needs and frustration; however, now you need to evaluate how you want to go about this. It's obvious your husband cannot fulfill your needs simply because he's not THERE. (I'm not saying that you should cheat on him, though) It's just a matter of regrouping, analizing your options and sitting down with him and discussing the situation.

Whatever your choice I wish you both the best.

Answer 3

So you have a "need" to cheat.

I'm trying to be blunt so that you will at LEAST call it what it is. If you do it, it is cheating, you don't have to have sex for it to count.

If you wish to divorce him, then do. I think its pretty sh*tty to do if he's on deployment. As a former military man, for a guy to get "Dear Johned" in a war zone is a dangerous thing. He might quit caring about his job, loose focus, and cost himself his (and maybe other people) their lives. Sorry to be harsh - but I've seen it happen first hand.

If he cheated on you in the past, I understand your anger. I also understand your need for intimacy, but he probably feels the same. Unless he's deployed stateside, how do you think he could be cheating? It's not like there's a bunch of eligible gals over in Iraq lining up to sleep with the GI's.

I say - find yourself an outlet, support group, whatever until he gets back. Then the two of you figure out what to do with your relationship.

If you choose to end it long distance, while it will be easier for you (you don't have to do it face to face), just know the possible fallout can big huge !!!

Sorry to hear of your torubles - hope you find a solution that works best for both of you.

Answer 4

I do understand but you have to be careful about what you're asking for. The need of wanting to be held without sex is a very fine line. I think you need someone to trust again more than anything. And to trust someone means to give of yourself if not all, than emotionally, and that's alot. So, I know it's hard but you have to stay faithful to the one you love or, it's not love at all. I wish you the best. Good luck.

Answer 5

Get some friends, not males. Do some activites with your son, take him to the park, have some fun together. Hug him. Also take care of yourself. het your hair done, get a massage, get you something nice that you can afford. Treat yourself great. Also, make new friends, not males, get your mind busy. I suggest you to get some books or tapes about how to get a better selfesteem. Pray, and on time, you'll be amazed how things change. Last thing, don't think in what you don't have, focus on what you have and make it better.Take care.

Answer 6

Me, Oh my dear I totally understand. If I were able I would ride up on a white stallion and rescue you ! But I am disabled that is why I understand about needing someone to hold and to be made to feel like we matter ! So I will pray to Jesus for you ! Have you invited him into your heart ? Faith in Jesus Christ is the only way into heaven. Have faith and things will get better !

Answer 7

This is a tough one. He's off serving his country and you are sacrificing alone with your thoughts... I feel for you! Perhaps you could go see your family and tell them what you're feeling. Another guy would definitely be a mistake, and you would regret it. Best of luck!

Answer 8

ya no doubt i totally no how you feel my girlfriend cheated on me and she said how sorry she was and then went out and did it again if he cheated on you I'm sorry but he does not truly love you..get rid of him like asap or you be sorry once a cheater all ways a cheater go find your self a real man>>good luck

Answer 9

I do understand and he should not have left you until after a year of you being married. Just hang in there and stick with him.

Answer 10

i understand those feelings of yours very well, you sound like i do