My husband has this friend who is constantly harassing him to go to the bars with him. I'll call him *Jon*. First off, neither my husband nor I have any interest in bars. We think they are a waste of money and we'd rather drink at home. Anyways, *Jon* LOVES the bar scene. He blows all of his $$ there, drinks and drives, and is constantly trying to pick up women, despite the fact that he has a gf. *Jon* doesn't necessarily like me because he wants my husband to be single again so they can party like they did a couple of years back. He doesn't like the fact that my husband has responsibilities. He is always trying to get him to do stupid things and he is always trying to talk to my husband about other women IN FRONT OF ME! WTF?!? I told my husband I don't care if he wants to go to the bars, but I don't want him going with *Jon*. Only bad things can come from it. I think *Jon* would try to get my husband to cheat on me, or at least not try to prevent it. Am I overreacting?
2007-08-31 08:58:55 · 15 answers · asked by ? 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I wouldn't worry so much about Jon trying to get your hubby to cheat or anything like that, but it sounds like he's a real loser, and a dangerous one if he's drinking and driving. And it sounds like your husband knows it, too. I give you a TON of credit for saying you don't care if your husband goes to bars, because I see a million questions on here from immature women saying they don't "let" their husbands go. I would just make that clear to your husband. But in the end, he is a big boy and has to make the decision himself. If you try and forbid him from going, he will just want to go that much more and will do it behind your back. State your position then give him the space to make his own big boy decision.
2007-08-31 09:09:12 · answer #1 · answered by meagain 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husbands a big boy...and if he was going to cheat he'd do so whether or not "Jon" was there. Give him more credit than that. Your issue isn't with "Jon" at all, your issue is you don't trust your husband, you say so in your last statement.
"Only bad things can come from it. I think *Jon* would try to get my husband to cheat on me, or at least not try to prevent it."
I especially like this part, "or at least not try to prevent it."
2007-08-31 16:09:47 · answer #2 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well blondie, I think there is at least one of these guys in every circle of friends among men. The main things to consider when jon wants your husband to go out, is #1. Do you trust your husband? Not when he is with jon, just do you trust him to come home to you, and not cheat on you if you aren't around. I know this can be hard, because I have issues with the fact that my husband is the only married one in his group of friends, and it always seems like they just want to go out and get laid. #2. Does your husband want to go? If so WHY? you may find out that your husband just wants to get out and have a boys night every now and then. If the relationship is strong, there is no problem with this. I go out with the girls on occasion, and my husband goes out with the guys. #3 Has your husband ever given you a reason not to trust him to come home to you? this is simple enough. If he has never abused your trust in him, then don't worry if he wants to go out.
Another option is to talk to jon and tell him that you dont appreciate him talking about things like that around you. You know guys are always gonna look. We can't change that. But jon needs to realize your husband is married and not out for one night stands. As for the rsponsibilites, I don't think single guys ever understand that until they get married. I don't think you are overreacting as such, but may just want to have a heart to heart with your husband, and set up a "curfew" if he is going out with the guys. My husband knows that i want him home by 3am. He is a husband and father before friend, and that is plenty late enough to drink, let it wear off, and come home.
Now granted, i don't know you, your husband, or jon, but i think there are circumstances that if you try and completely stop them from hanging out, it will blow up and cause problems, but there is nothing wrong with setting boundaries if your hubby wants to go out with this guy.
2007-08-31 16:18:50 · answer #3 · answered by Ms Always Right 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
" Let your husband go" please your husband is a big boy your his wife not his mother.he will go if he wants too. he has a mind of his own he knows right from wrong.you telling your husband you dont want him going to the bar with Jon because only bad things will come from it, you are telling him you have no faith or trust in him. he needs to know you do have faith and trust in him.you are insecure you need to get over it or you will have more problems then just "Jon" yes you are over reacting give the man a break.TRUST HIM
2007-09-01 13:30:12 · answer #4 · answered by jenny_1679 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope, in this instance you are spot on accurate. Listen to your gut instinct. At some point you have to ask yourself how much you trust your husband. Jon needs to grow up and mind his own business and you need to tell him that if your husband won't. Why not go with them to the bar?
2007-08-31 16:06:10 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
If a man is going to cheat, he will do so. If he is not, he won't. My husband went places with his single friends for years and it wasn't until he went to a normal BBQ that he met someone and cheated. I always trusted him with his single friends; guess I should have worried more about the friends that were attached.
2007-08-31 16:42:03 · answer #6 · answered by pussycat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are so sure that "we" don't have interest in bars and "we" thnk they are a waste of money, then what are you worried about? if you're husband agrees so completely with you, then he won't want to go. unless of course he's a follower and just does what you want him to do, and when you're not there he listens to his friends. it all comes down to your relationship with him. if he cheats, its not his friend, its him.
and you know what, at least the friend is honest. he talks about other women in front of you, he's not hiding who he is. i think that's a good thing
2007-08-31 16:28:33 · answer #7 · answered by twosey ♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your husband's friend is very disrespectful talking to your husband about other women in front of you. I would be pissed if my bf went to a bar with his friends.... really really pissed. I'd get tell him... "fine you want to go to a bar? well then you got to be fair and i'm going to go to a bar too with my friends"
2007-08-31 16:18:10 · answer #8 · answered by zizi 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A married man does not need to be in bars with a womanizing friend. A married man should not be in bars in the first place. You are not overreacting. You should be concerned. There are a lot of hot single women in them bars looking for love.....
2007-08-31 16:11:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
I don't think you are overreacting. I would feel the same way and I would not let my husband go with this guy to the bars.
2007-08-31 16:03:23 · answer #10 · answered by Kris H 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋