I am in my mid twenties and I have been married for 6 years. I 've always wanted to have children but since my husband and I had marital problems so I decided to wait a couple until I was absolutely sure that I was going to stay in the relationship and have a strong, stable marriage. Well, our relationship is so much better now, we went through marital therapy, etc. But unfortunately we do not own a house, we own our own business and we live where we work. I keep telling my husband I want to move but it doesn't seem to be very important to him. Finally, I said- I am tired of living here, I would like to have our own place for us and our future children! I waited 6 years and I think it is a normal desire for a woman to want to create a home ( a nest) for her family. My husband keeps telling me - just wait a couple of years, but I already waited 6 years! I want to start a family but not here, I want my kids to have a yard to play in and a home! Am I right? Should I wait to have children?
2007-08-31 08:36:42 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My husband says he really wants to have children with me, he begs me to agree to have kids, but I say - no, I can't until we move. He already has kids from previous relationship and he loves kids. He talks about us having children all the time. He is older and I am worried that if I wait it will be very difficult to concieve later.
2007-08-31 08:38:38 · update #1
My advice is that you should wait until you're both ready to say yes on the issue. Children don't make you happier in all situations. What I mean by that is, having children won't pacify the fact that you don't have a home. You won't be happy if you don't have your idea of a proper foundation to raise them in which could lead to problems in your marriage. I think you should tell your husband how you really feel about the situation and then go from there on a course of action on getting a house and then the baby carriage...just a thought, I hope this helps!
2007-08-31 08:47:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're in your mid-twenties - what's the problem with waiting a year or two until you can get your own place? It's not like you're pushing 40. Your clock isn't ticking yet - if you think there's a good possibility you will indeed be more settled in a couple of years, then by all means wait, and work towards this goal.
If your feeling is that it's just not happening, and that two years from now you will be in the same exact situation, with no prospects to move or anything - then I don't see what you would be waiting for if both of you want kids. It really depends on how much you feel you can (realistically) accomplish in the next few years.
2007-08-31 15:50:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look, you and your husband need a plan and a date for your new home. If he is missing how important this is to you, then he is still having marital problems. You need a solution that works for you both. Find it, get the plan going and then start your family. If he wants to wait to have kids, then he needs to man up and say so. What is the real issue here? Time for a pow-wow and a solution--not time for putting off the discussion and telling you what you want to hear. Stand your ground and get to the bottom of it.
By the way, I commend you on your maturity and intelligence with how you have handled things so far. Good job. I wish everyone did what you have done.
2007-08-31 15:44:57 · answer #3 · answered by whereRyou? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband, biblically, has the final say. He is supposed to be sensitive to your wants and desires, yes, but he has the final say. You are being somewhat rigid demanding that you have x, y and z before you give him children. It doesnt have to be that way. Believe me, you have a baby or two and the house will all of a sudden seem REAL crowded and HE WILL suggest the move. You are trying to dictate your family's direction (something thats also natural for us women to do) but its not biblical and it will create problems. Go ahead and have that baby and put the crib right there in your bedroom and the walker in the living room and all the baby toys and junk in his favorite chair and watch how fast your hubby says...you know what...we need some SPACE!
My husband and I will keep you lifted in prayer~
Blessings....
2007-08-31 15:53:18 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
speaking from someone who has 3 kids... i would wait until you have your house and were a little older. i had my first child when i was 16, second at 21 ,and third at 27. Its hard either way but so much easier if you are settled and have your finances in order. I do wish you good luck in what ever you decide.
2007-08-31 15:44:52 · answer #5 · answered by loststar 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No matter what you do, you will never be completely ready for children and how they will change your life. So my advise is go ahead and try to conceive a child. You are right now as ready as you will ever be.
Good luck. My son is my whole world. I wish everyone could be as blessed as I am.
2007-08-31 15:43:55 · answer #6 · answered by box of rain 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋