Does anyone like to read poems?

Question

i am a poet and i would like you to se if like my poem.
here it is:

The Suicide
By David Lawrie


I rush to the bathroom and lock the door,
I can't stand the pain; I can't stand it anymore.

I go to the cabinet for that lethal pill,
Knowing that this one will help or kill.

My parents received the letter of suicide,
They're wondering if their son is now dead or alive.

They pounded and pounded and said, Open the door.
I said, No, you do not have your son anymore.

They said, Why, son, are you doing this?
I said, I love you and blew them a kiss.

I took the pill, then my life started to dim,
My chance for survival was really slim.

The door flung open with tremendous power,
This was such a terrible hour.

Why did I have to end my life?
Why did I cause them strain and strife?

Something was wrong inside my head,
Sorry, Mum and Dad, your son is now dead.

that girl on that page stole my poem!!!

Answer 1

I love to read poems, and write them. Your poem is rather extreme- mainly because of the suicide. Why commit suicide? It's so stupid!
I'm in a band, and most of my poems have become our songs.
Here's one of them if you're interested:

Shadows of the world.
By Oliver Kirtis

Darkness, all around the world.
The sun has no power against the evil dark.
We fight every day,
For survival, mates and cash.
We hear calls of pain and suffering.
We just can't be bothered to answer.

They see us fighting strong,
Weakness not far off.
The pain of the world,
Shadowed by blindness.

Whenever we try to pierce the Shadows,
We fail like we failed our hopes for peace.
We answer calls for greed,
That we don't even hear.

We're shadowed by blindness,
Corrupted by greed.
We fail in peace,
Succeed in war.
We destroy all the rights,
And create all the wrongs

We just sit around on our asses,
And dwell in the Shadows of the World.

Answer 2

1st one has some rhythm... might want to revise it and see if you can get it to flow better. I love it when there's the sudden change from "you grabbed my heart gently, then the next minute it was yanked". The second poem is ok, No meter or rhythm so it's not that great. Sounds like you're writing about a boy. (Desperate, much?) ~sig~ 7 days without soccer makes one weak

Answer 3

As for being poetry, it wasn't bad, but suicide is a very overdone subject. Next time try something light, maybe even funny. Try to find something new to write about. Good luck.

Answer 4

I have removed my first answer to this question because I followed the link given by "Kaila M".

She is right you stole this poem and put your name on it.

Sad little boy.

Answer 5

I like to read poems, intresting how a dead poet can write, i will have to look it up

Answer 6

if i had to copy poems from other people's site and say they were mine to make myself look good, then i would probably kill myself too. Stop stealing poems, dang if you like their work then say it, but don't try to steal it. You are one of the reasons a lot of people won't post anything to dear to them on here because you STEAL them! http://skateboard.colonies.com/poems/20775/?itemindex=9&displaymode=0

Answer 7

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Sniffle, sniff. Sorry to see you died.

Answer 8

I'm sorry you died. That will make a career in literature difficult...

Answer 9

don't go killin' urself now......that's a ticket directly to hell......

I love writin' poems......hmmm, I might just put 1 on here 1 day.....

Answer 10

i used to be a poet , and now i know it , paddy you are going to blow it !!!!!!!1