Why are women so shocked I would consider Artificial Insemination?

Question

I mean right now I'm in a nice relationship, (I'm straight), but year after next I will be moving to another state and I have always considered AI as a means of creating a family. Why is what I'm doing wrong when I see so many people who have children out of wedlock, some women don't know who the fathers, many couples didn't plan the child, many don't want the child and then end up having and abusing/neglecting & resenting the child for being born. My family says I can adopt, but honestly that is not an option for me, I don't want someone else's child. I want to be pregnant. I want to give birth to MY child who has MY lineage. Many people say a child needs a father 2 parents do not ensure the success of a child. I believe you play the hand that your dealt. Being a product of a single family home for me makes me see that I can do it, and it will be under better circumstances. My mom didn't want us and had us in high school. I am an adult and waiting to finish law school.

I'm waiting until I am stable.

To be honest after seeing my parent's divorce, my friends go through child support and the cases I go over as a law student it makes me not want to get married. I see men & women use their children as pawns. I see friends who's partner's didn't want children mistreat them, mis-spend the child support money and it makes me not want to get married it makes me want to stay single and be a single mom, it's easier than going through the crap my friends and my mentor's clients go through.

I know I asked why are women shocked but I meant why are people in general shocked?

God Child Fo Life: There is no gaurantee that if I marry or conceive w/ a man that, that man will be a good father so what is your point?

Leisa: In my question I stated that I will be moving to another state from my current bf and that's why he is not an option for a father.

Answer 1

I'm Shocked! That people are Shocked.

Women (straight or otherwise) have been doing this since they started storing sperm. Women have been getting pregnant and raising children on their own, since sex was invented.

Lots of people say that two parents of different gender are needed to successfully raise healthy well balanced children, but women have been doing just this since the dawn of time.

Men die, for heaven's sake. From war, pestilence, religious fervour and disease. Millions of well balanced, well adjusted people have been the result of women (and men for that matter) raising children as a single parent.

We finally reach a technological level where it is the easiest to raise children with one parent, and the many decide that it is unnatural to do so. It isn't.

Children don't go bad because of only having one parent, they go bad because of the company they keep, and that happens to two parent families too.

Do as you will and I'm sure all will go well.

Answer 2

I think most people are "shocked' because you don't "fit" into what their idea is of the type of woman that would use AI means as the way of having a family.

Generally, a woman decides to use AI because either their boyfriend/husband has fertility issues, or because they are a lesbian and don't have a boyfriend/husband, or because they are straight and just don't want a boyfriend/husband.

Most wouldn't assume a woman who is currently in a relationship with a man who doesn't have any fertility issues would seek out AI as a means of starting a family. Despite the fact that you mentioned that you don't ever want to get married (which isn't uncommon) it is odd that you would want to continue to be in relationshps with men, but have a child from a donor rather than the man you're in a relationship.

Your situation really isn't the "norm" so it's not odd that people are shocked or surprised or at least a little taken back when you tell them that.

What I do find odd though, is that you use the argument of "why is what I'm doing wrong when I see so many people who have children out of wedlock....." When you said yourself that you're not sure that you ever want to get married and the topic of your post is about you getting AI. The child resulting from that AI would be out of wedlock, so it's just odd you used "people who have children out of wedlock" as your argument.

I don't think what you're wanting to do is wrong, however it isn't the popular choice, therefore people are going to be a little taken back or shocked by it.

Answer 3

Because for some reason when it comes to reproduction, everybody and their brother are experts that can tell you exactly what you should do. People are hypocrites. I'm sure the ones who are telling you to adopt have never adopted a child of their own and have chosen to give birth. And if they think a child needs 2 parents, why are they suggesting adoption? Do they think adopted children are less deserving than biological children are? Just nod and smile, then do whatever you want and show them by raising the happiest, most loved baby, ever!

Answer 4

I think you have thought it out well. You are so right and I don't see any reason why you shouldn't do AI if you want to do it. You sound very educated and I think it is totally your choice. A lot of people grow up with 2 parents but that doesn't mean that they were 2 good parents. I think as long as a child has one stable parental figure in their life and a good support system they will do fine. Plus you are not going to have the whole custody thing to deal with or anything. It will definately be your child and no one can argue with that. Best of luck with ttc and law school!!!!

Answer 5

I say good for you for knowing what you want. You don't need a relationship to have a child. Do what you want. Tell people it's really none of their business how you have a child. Of course a two parent household is nice, but a a great single parent household is great too. Much better than a two parent household where the child isn't cared for. That child will always know that you wanted them like nothing else because you made a plan to have them. They will never question if they were the "accident" child.
Good Luck!
J

Answer 6

There is nothing wrong with it at all. It sounds to me you have you good head on your shoulders and know what you want. I bet people are shocked because of the fact that you are going to school and plan to have a career and the such and are not married. Unfortunatly we still live in a very stereotypical world. I praise you for your strength and conviction to do this. I was a single mother for 10 years before I married my current husband. I loved raising my daughter for 10 years on my own. It had some hard times but I loved it, I cherish the time we had and I believe it gave her the self knowledge that women can do anything if they put their mind to it.
Good luck to you and take care

Answer 7

I understand you saying you want your child to have your lineage, but he/she will also have the father's lineage NO MATTER WHAT. Everything genetic will pass down to your child from the father. Yes, baby, you will be able to do anything that God takes you through, but don't make it harder on yourself ON PURPOSE. Yes, I'm sure that you could finacially support yourself on your own. But trust me, there is so much more that a GOOD FATHER can bring. It's all about teamwork. If I can make a suggestion. Before you make a final decision, make sure that you are totally over what happened to you in the past. Then, if you are convinced that you are not doing this for purely selfish reason re-visit the idea.
Good luck.
Peace

Answer 8

You need to do what YOU think is right for you and the child to be. There is no reason a single person can't raise a child. Although I do believe if you do decide to go ahead and do it that you need to think about a male role model in the childs life. It doesnt have to be a father.

Answer 9

If youre defending the validity of your decision its because you are not committed to it yourself, and question it in your own heart.

If you were honest with yourself you'd realize that you were not completely dead set on raising a child on your own, you have fears about it.

People know how hard it is, they know what raising kids is like, through divorce, through hard times, with or without someone, and their biggest concern is its effect on the child. Thats why they question you and your motives.

Do what you do because you know its best, and dont defend it. If its the best thing and the right thing, you dont need to feel offended.

Answer 10

Absolutely nothing wrong with artificial insemination...If you want a child and can do it on your own...then all the power to you. You are perfectly capable of going it alonw...especially if you have a family support system...or even good friends.