There is something that my husband wants to do in the bedroom that I am completely uncomfortable with and he nags until about one time a month he gets his way. I don't even want to be in the same room with him anymore. How can I make him understand how I feel about it. And is it even fair of me to say no?
2007-08-31 07:08:24 · 37 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Out of love he should never nag you or make you feel bad about sex. ...there is part of this that comes back to you though. It is your responsibility to sexually please your husband not his respondsibility to get pleased by whatever you want to do.
It is part of the role of husband and wife to take care of the other person. So that means if you will not do this one thing that he really obviously desires, you should make sure that everything else you do is so amazingly good, that he does not care about the other thing. What I may be saying sounds old fashioned but it works and if you allow a husband or wife to go on "wanting" in the area of intimacy, only bad things can come from it.
2007-08-31 18:11:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The way we were raised affects how we are in the bedroom. If you were raised really conservative some things your husband might think are "normal" you see as gross or disgusting even. Your age also has an influence. Also how long you have been married. I have been married for 13 lucky years now and things in the bedroom keep getting better. I am more open and do things now that I never imagined I would--and I like them! By the way, is your husband always the one initiating? You could make suggestions of the things YOU like or want done. Is there a way to ease into what he wants? Anyways, let him know it bothers you to the point of not wanting to be close to him (keep in mind, men tend to resolve issues a lot more effectively AFTER sex). I leave you with this: "Something is built up in the man and the marraige when this need [for sex] is met by his wife."
2007-08-31 07:40:54 · answer #2 · answered by im sure 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i have had many friends that have been in similar situations. i don't know what it is that your husband is asking for so i can only guess at the possibilities. since you have already tried it and you have determined that you are not comfortable or simply don't like it or for whatever reason, he needs to understand that and respect that. you sound like an intelligent woman so you may have already spoken to him about your feelings and views on it. But, if you have not talked to him about it then that is what you should do first. you must go into the conversation with an open mind and non-judgmental heart. find out why he is so fascinated with this particular endeavor. also, try and explain to him why you are not into it. why it makes you feel uncomfortable. be as open and thorough as possible. maybe once you both understand each others nature, feelings and thoughts on this, you can both figure out a way where he will be satisfied and you will not be uncomfortable. if you have anymore questions, you can email me.
good luck
2007-08-31 07:23:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have every right to decide what you want to do, or have done to your body, and your husband should respect your wishes and feelings. However, the fact that you are letting him have his way, even if only once a month, is sending him the wrong message. He now knows that even though you do not like it, if he "carries on" enough, you will allow it. You need to tell him just how uncomfortable it makes you feel, and that you WILL no longer allow him to do it, and don't give in to him. You know, some men really are just like children when it comes to getting their own way, and you need to be as firm with them about what is permissible as you would be with a spoiled child! I am sure that, once he knows how strongly you feel about it, he will eventually get the message, and stop asking you.
2007-08-31 07:48:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well - thats hard to say..... Because you don't say what the act is.
One line of thought is if you don't want to do it and feel pressured in any way, then its wrong for the spouse to force it on you.
However, there are some women who just plain don't even want sex. Is it right for them to deny their spouse the effection? Most would say no.
So - you really have to put it in the context of what is "normal" and acceptable to both partners.
I have a hard time thinking up an act that is SO replusive that I wouldn't want to be in teh same room as my spouse.
If its REALLY effecting your relationship to that degree, then you two need to sit down and talk about it. I like a good deal of variety and kink in the bedroom, but if I were to suggest something (and then guilt my wife into it), only to find out that SHE was so put off by it that she didn't want to be in the same room with me - I would be devastated.
Does he KNOW you feel like this - and still push you to do it? If not - time to have the talk. He might just think that you need a LOT of persuading, but then actually enjoy the act. If you protest durring the act and he KNOWS you don't enjoy it, then the act itself is a small problem in your relationship.
The REAL problem is lack of communication and respect for the other person's feelings.
Bottom line - you need to have a talk bout it. If either of you refuse to discuss it - then you really shouldn't be doing it. If its too uncomfortable to talk about as adults, then you shouldn't engage in it - period.
Hope this helps - hard to give insight with such little information.
You do know you can post details (tastefully) - the internet is anonomous !!
2007-08-31 07:21:45 · answer #5 · answered by aa889d 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course it's fair for you to say no. If it makes you feel so uncomfortable that you don't even want to be in the room with him, he should respect that. If he loves you he should understand and drop it. If he nags about it, tell him how you feel and sleep in a different room to prove your point, maybe he'll get the clue.
2007-08-31 07:19:15 · answer #6 · answered by me 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it is fair for you to be uncomfortable with things. You do not have to be comfortable with everything your husband wants. Sex is not a wifely duty. It is not something you owe your husband. It is something that you should enjoy together as sexual partners or equals.
Let him know that he is disrespecting you by nagging at you.
(I would like to add, that somethings are uncomfortable at first. I thought that giving oral sex was uncomfortable at first, but I fantasized about being comfortable with a penis. Now? It turns me on. If whatever your husband asks of you is a fantasy or something you could fantasize about and something that you morally agree with going beyond fantasy then work up to it! Being intimate takes time. Let things progress natujrlaly.)
2007-08-31 07:20:35 · answer #7 · answered by skunk pie 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is fair to say no..... If you are completely uncomfortable with it he shouldn't nag you, however if you feel it doesn't involve pain....try it, you might have fun. My girlfriends husband nagged her to death about letting him wear a dress and lipstick to bed and wanted her to tell him he was beautiful and stuff. This guy is all guy most of the time. She does this for him sometimes and he is happy. That is the most important thing....being happy....doing things because you love the other, sometimes weird stuff like my friend does. It hasn't killed her yet.
2007-08-31 07:15:44 · answer #8 · answered by Rein 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have a right to your own opinion on what is proper and what is not. If you suffer discomfort during this act., why should you HAVE to do it. If this thing makes you feel ill, why should you HAVE to do it? Marriage is a two way street, but you still have the right to govern what happens to your body. I would have a serious discussion with him about the problem and why HE needs to do this thing that makes you uncomfortable. You may need counseling to get through this problem, I just hope he understands why you feel as you do. Good luck, because the thought of it seems to be turning you off completely.
2007-08-31 07:16:41 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
It doesn't matter what he is asking you to do. (You don't have to tell us.)
It is completely fair of you to say no. If something is making you that uncomfortable, you need to say no. Otherwise it will lower your self esteem. And you will resent him more and more.
I think it is good to be open to new things in the bedroom. But if you tried it and didn't like it, then you move on to something else.
Your husband is being completely selfish. You need to make it clear that you gave it a shot but you aren't going to do it anymore regardless of how much he begs. Then stick to it!
2007-08-31 07:24:42 · answer #10 · answered by candy'sroom 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋