My fiance and i just suffered a miscarriage of our first child. We were planning on waiting until i was out of the danger zone of my first trimester to tell our families, but i miscarried at 9- 10 weeks. We talk about it often but still have no idea if we should tell our families or keep it between us. It was such a devastating loss that we dont know whether we want to tell our families. What would you do in our situation? and how would you tell them? thanks so much for your answers.
2007-08-31 06:54:49 · 33 answers · asked by Rachel S 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
i am super close to my parents, and his parents. i couldn't think of anyone else i would need more support from. sorry to hear about your loss.
2007-08-31 06:58:57 · answer #1 · answered by Moosey 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
it is really up to how you feel. If you didn't tell them you were pregnant i don't know if i would say anything about the miscarriage because you may get a lot of the "so sorry for your loss" but if they are a supportive and loving family that has a history of miscarriages they may be able to give you some advice on how to deal with it and maybe some ideas as to why it may have happened. Some families with a long history have medical reasons for miscarrying. Really it is all up to how many "so sorry for your loss" can you handle. The good thing is that you and your fiance are talking about it, that is great. Most men just deal with it by not talking about it so it is great that you two are talking about it and can grow together and get through this together.
2007-08-31 06:59:55 · answer #2 · answered by momof3boys 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There's no right or wrong answer here. If you want to tell them...then do so. If you prefer to keep it private, you don't have to share the news. For many people, it actually helps if close family/friends know about the loss - that way you don't have to go through it alone, and you don't have to worry about pretending like you're not sad, distracted, or going through something difficult. Just tell them what happened...explain that you were waiting until after the first tri-mester to share the good news, but unfortuantely you didn't get that far. But, if you think sharing what happened would make things more difficult, it's perfectly fine to keep it between you and your husband. Maybe you'll feel comfortable sharing it with your family later in life, perhaps after a successful pregancy or whenever you feel ready. I'm sorry for your loss, I can relate. I also wish you the best going forward.
2007-08-31 07:06:49 · answer #3 · answered by van girl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If they didnt know you were pregnant in the first place it might be best not tell them. For one, you have to go through the uncomfortableness of everyone feeling sorry for you and then you have to relive it all over again. In that situation I found it better to keep it between the two people it involved especially when its so new and you are still hurting from it.
If you are super close to your family and you must tell them just sit down with them and explain to them you all were trying to surprise them but the pregnancy didnt make it and you just need their love and support becuase this is a tough time for you. You will be surprised maybe someone one in your family went through the same thing and can help you out on a more personal level.
2007-08-31 07:17:23 · answer #4 · answered by luv82 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would share it with them. But I am close with my family. The fact that it has been so devastating for you is exactly why telling your family seems like a good idea to me. They can comfort you and you don't have to feel like you are going through it alone. The only thing that I could see stopping you is if they would be upset that you were having sex in the first place. If you aren't close with your family at all, then there is no reason you need to tell them.
2007-08-31 07:08:26 · answer #5 · answered by Mrs.P 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would tell them. You and your fiance have suffered a devastating loss, and though you have each other to lean on, the support of your families is something that you are really missing out on. It's hard to say how to tell them. I'd just sit down with my mom and tell her straight out that we'd gotten pregnant, but I had miscarried. I think you'll be surprised how good you will feel to have that secret out.
2007-08-31 07:00:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
My husband and i have experienced 2 miscarriages in the past. It was very difficult, and i am here to talk if you need to. However, form my experience, talking about it will help. Right now, you may not want to, but trust me, you need to..
Its really up to you if you tell your family and friends. I personlly would, because they will only be there to help and support you. Who knows, maybe one of them has had a misacrriage in the past, and can relate to you.
I think the best way to tell them is in person. Maybe you can invite them over to your house, all at once? That would make it easier. Your fiance should definelty be there as well. Just explain to them that you were pregnant, and waiting to tell eevryone the news. But you had a miscariage. Believe me, no one wil leb mad at you. They will be there to comfort you.
When my husband and i had our first miscarriage, i didnt think or talk much about it. I felt fine. It really hit me at the time the abby was due however. An then when i started to see other pregnant woman. Please dont wait to talk about your feelings.
Remember, fathers grieve too. Be there for your fiance, and let him know you care about his feelings.
Good luck to the both of you. I am sorry for your loss,. ,and i am here to talk if you need to.
2007-08-31 07:03:57 · answer #7 · answered by cute_blondie_angel 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry for your loss. This decision is really a personal one. Would it make you feel better or worse to tell them you were pregnant but lost the baby? I mean, in your situation...I wouldn't tell anyone. #1 they may get upset I knew but didn't tell them about a new addition and #2 they may hurt just as much as I do and whats the point in bringing that on them? Good luck in your decision and I hope this doesn't stop you guys from tryign for another...things happen for a reason, you just have to go with the flow.
2007-08-31 07:18:48 · answer #8 · answered by LosersSuck 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ultimately, it's whatever you feel comfortable with. If you feel that sharing with family is going to prolong your grieving, then maybe you should keep it between you and your fiance. If you feel like having more support would help you with the grieving process, tell a few close family members. If you are going to tell them, sit them down and be upfront about it. I'm sorry for your loss.
2007-08-31 07:09:52 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do whatever makes you feel better. If you do not want to have to live through the details all over again I would just keep quiet. Believe there will be someone who will ask what happened, why didn't you tell us you were pregnant to begin with, ..... and then you 2 will have to deal with all those questions. Continue to give each other strength and be confident that you know what was/is best, that is why you didn't say anything in the first place.
2007-08-31 07:02:55 · answer #10 · answered by wag35 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have to do what you feel in your heart is right. If you feel this is something that you wish to speak with them about then feel free. If you feel more comfortable keeping it quiet then do that. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer for this question.
My wife and I have lost a total of 3 children. 1 to miscarriage and 2 to Muscular Dystrophy. We were always open with our parents and personally I feel if I would have not told them and they found out a different way it would have devistated them.
Good Luck.
2007-08-31 07:05:03 · answer #11 · answered by Pat 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋